You probably need to go to the No Office Holiday Party tomorrow, and I'm telling you this for your own good. Whoever you are, there's a reason you should be at this event with your hosts: FiPS, Brokelyn, Brooklyn Based, and the Skint. Choose whichever of the following reason most applies, and get your ass down to Littlefield on Thursday at 8pm (for $8), and let the holiday cheer heal you:
1. You Work in a Lame Office: Maybe you work for a big corporation, and your annual "holiday party" consists of sitting in front of a massive screen for the two-minute hate. That's no fun. Come to the No Office Holiday Party, in which a real, live human being named Wyatt Cenac will say funny and interesting things into your ears. Specifically, he will read your very own worst work stories. He is a sleepy-eyed comedian formerly of The Daily Show, not a corporate chieftain on a screen. That's a win.
2. You Work in a Sober Office: Perhaps you assiduously stay clear of the booze at your office party because you don't want to drunkenly tell your boss how you spend all day on Facebook and think his daughter is almost as hot as his wife. That is wise of you. However, that's a lot of pent-up holiday drunkenness you got there. What are you gonna do, get sloshed at home on Christmas Eve and accidentally tell your sister she was adopted? No good. Get your whiskey-on-the-rocks off instead of the No Office Holiday Party, where Littlefield's professional booze slingers will keep your whistle all kinds of wet. Plus, there will be cheap, spiked punch. Ain't no drunk like a cheaply-purchased drunk.
3. You Work in a Home Office: It is possible that you have no office but your shoes (and coffee shops, and the pants and shirt you must wear in addition to shoes in most coffee shops). That is, maybe you are a freelancer, and your office lives inside a MacBook Pro. Ah, who am I kidding, this is Brooklyn -- that's all of you. So really, this is for you: an office holiday party for the office-less. The No Office Holiday Party. It's cool, because everyone else there will likely also be unemployed or a freelancer.
So, you'll make friends with them, to raise you up out of the loneliness of your non-officed existence, via the following methods:
* Singing: Karaoke Killed the Cat will allow your lungs to propel '80's music into the holiday spirt-infused air. Pan Benatar will find you love.
*Dancing: Shake your body parts to the things that make '90's lovers dance at the Bell House once a month, anyway: the Party Like It's 1999 DJ, Steve Reynolds.
* Kissing: Mistletoe, yo. Find true love and/or just a nice pair of lips that taste like spiked punch.
* Digestion: Eat things with friends that are made of tacos (the things are, not the friends). Oaxaca's handling the menu.
4. You Might Soon Be Working in a Molten Office: Finally, of course, the world is ending, in fire or ice or planetary collision. Maybe not Friday, but someday. So, what are you doing not being at the greatest party ever (or, at least, the greatest party Thursday)? Wasting your time is what. Don't waste time. Get wasted. No Office Holiday Party.