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Monday
May142012

Who Gives a Shit: What's the Best Hall & Oates Song?

Darryl Hall, John Oates and their incredible singing hair will be headlining The Great GoogaMooga Festival, which is very, very exciting for every child of the 80's.  In preparation, we here at FiPS have all been listening to a lot of Hall & Oates, and all of us are now engaged in an epic debate over which Hall & Oates song is the best Hall & Oates song. 

Kerri remembers when, around the age of 6, she'd awkwardly throw her body around the front yard to "You Make My Dreams Come True" (1980). "My mom had a radio perched in the kitchen window and the song blared as she gardened while I danced and sang the lyrics to my sad-looking Pound Puppy," she said.

Roshow told us that watching the video for "Jingle Bell Rock" when he was a kid was the first time he ever understood what "gay" was. As he remembers it, "I thought two guys living together and celebrating Christmas was not only okay but also fabulous."

Ninedaves puts his money on "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)." "The backbeat is by far their most ambitious to date, with it's R&B/Pop synthesized beat. The vocals have a level of sex appeal you don't necessarily find in most if their other song. Plus, how great are those "no can do" back vocals? I'm obsessed."

Erica wanted to share her least favorite Hall & Oates song, "Sara Smile." "I don't dislike the song musically," she explained. "I actually kind of dig it. But when this totally annoying bitch named Sara in my 3rd grade class started some ridiculous rumor that this song was written for her 'cause her uncle was Hall & Oates' tour manager, everyone in class started to try to find songs with their names in them. My two best friends, Cecelia and Allison obviously had a pretty fucking easy time of this -- In fact, most kids in the class did. EXCEPT FOR ME. There is not a single song that's ever been written about any chick named Erica in the history of the universe. So, in addition to the fact that I could never find any of those "This room belongs to..." license plate door signs with my goddamned name on them, I was further embarrassed to find that my name was so lame, there were literally no songs about it. As far as I'm concerned, Sara can go fuck herself."

So, what's really the best Hall and Oates song?  I'll save you the trouble of having to think about it. "Ev'ry Time You Go Away (You Take a Piece of Me with You)is the best Hall & Oates song.  I know you think that it's a Paul Young song, but you are ignorant and mistaken.  Hall and Oates recorded it first.  They wrote it, in fact. Paul Young just covered it.

Here is why this is the best Hall & Oates song.  Because when I was a kid, and they'd play this song, Mike Brown and I would crack ourselves up making leper jokes.  Good times!  It's not cool to make fun of disabled people, but nobody knows anyone with leprosy, for one thing.  Also, even if you were randomly introduced to a leper, you'd know that they had it before you could tell them your hilarious joke, because they wouldn't have a nose or they'd be missing some fingers, and you'd totally see that.  What did the leper say to the prostitute?  Keep the tip!  HA!  That is hilarious. Hall & Oates is awesome!

Feel free to disagree with me, in the comments, if you like.  You'll still be wrong.  Do you have a favorite Hall & Oates song?  Do you even give a shit?

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