So, has everyone thought of the funny thing they are going to tweet about the apocalypse? That truly is the challenge of our times. But let me ask you this: if the Mayan Apocalypse does happen, what will that do to Santa Claus? Will he also be destroyed, or will he travel the smoldering Earth three days after Armageddon, jumping down blackened chimneys into empty homes? Ok, that was a little dark. So, let's just hope that either all our mythologies are fake, or that they cancel each other out in non-depressing ways. In the meantime, it's entirely possible for you to enact an end-of-days inside your liver. Welcome to Whassup: The End is Meh Edition.
* Thursday, Dec. 20: Poe Songs, Union Hall: It's a little "Nightmare Before Christmas," and I kind of like that: an Edgar Allen Poe song-a-thon on Christmas week. Think of it as a Halloween-ish antidote to all those sugary-sweet holiday songs that have been polluting every single retail institution since Black Friday (at least). If you don't know it, the Bushwick Book Club is a cool Brooklyn thing: they invite BK songwriters (apparently, there are a few) to pen tunes inspired by certain literary figure. This month, it's Poe. Come see how many things you can rhyme with "Nevermore." 7:30pm, $7.
* Thursday, Dec. 20: No Office Holiday Party, Littlefield: This one's by US, you guys! The "No Office Holiday Party" is a Chrismakwanzakkuh gift to you from your favorite (right??) Brooklyn blogs: Brokelyn, Brooklyn Based, the Skint, and, lbnl, FiPS. It's an office holiday party without all the lameness of office holiday parties. It's an office holiday party for those of us with no actual offices. It's an excuse to get drunk on punch, laugh at Wyatt Cenac, and get sloppy under some mistletoe. It's all of these things! It's what you're doing tonight! 8pm, $6-8.
* Thursday, Dec. 20: Cohen-Dylan X-Mas Special, Freddy's: The irony is too good to pass up: with Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen now actually playing Brooklyn at the Barclays Center, an old Freddy's tradition continues: the Leonard Cohen (and now, Bob Dylan) special -- Freddy's being, you might recall, one of the most pissed-off refugees of the Bruce Ratner eminent domain-athon that birthed Barclays. If you couldn't guess, this is a night of Dylan and Cohen covers by local musicians. 8:30 pm, FREE.
* Armageddon, Dec. 21: "My Apocalypse" Book Launch, Powerhouse on 8th: The NEW South Slope Powerhouse bookstore does the best thing you can do to stupidity: shakes a book at it. The new anthology "My Apocalypse" asks a handful of authors to describe how they'd like the last days to go down. It's really the only way I recommend you mark the Mayan hysteria. 7:30-8:30pm, FREE.
* Apocalypse, Dec. 21: Filthy Song Night, Jalopy: Or this. You could celebrate the end times by cursing at it. The Filthy Song Night is exactly what it sounds like. It's sex and bathroom humor, set to beautiful music. As it should be. 9pm, $10.
* Sunday, Dec. 23: Christmas Carol Reading, Freddy's: The word-sharers behind Freddy's monthly Spoken Word New York open-mic bring an (abbreviated) reading of Charles Dickens' (aka, Chuck D, in his later incarnations) Christmas tale of ghosts and lovable cripples. In the spirit (PUN) of Spoken Word's open-mic ethos, you can also take part in the reading, if you'd like. Dust off that old cockney accent and/or tormented howl of the damned. 9pm, FREE.
*Monday, Dec. 24: Night Train Christmas Special, Littlefield: Didn't get enough Wyatt Cenac-at-Littlefield during the No Office Holiday Party? Well, he'll be back at the Littlefield stage for his weekly, Monday comedy show -- this one all Christmased out. Guests include Janeane Garofalo and Donald Glover, aka the Childish Gambino. 8pm, $5-8.
* NOW OPEN: Brooklyn Bridge Soccer Fields: Brooklyn Bridge Park, as was announced last week, now has soccer fields! Why you would open them in December is an answer best asked of Bloombergo or similar. But, hey, if you've got some hot blood in those veins, go out and kick things.