Calm down, everyone. I know we've all got the Paul Ryan fever. Those dreamy eyes. That rock-solid athlete's body. That Ayn Rand-infested brain. The Republican National Convention is in full effect, and so I know all of Park Slope is horny with political rage. Channel that emotion into something worthwhile -- alcohol-fueled revelry -- with this week's lineup of events. It's Whassup: Thank God We're Not in Tampa Edition:
* Thursday, Aug. 30: Vaselines, Bell House: The revived popularity of 90's alt/grunge bands continues unabated (it's not just me, right?). The Vaselines were one of those bands Kurt Cobain pulled into mainstream awareness -- remember the achingly mournful "Jesus Don't Want Me for a Sunbeam" on the Unplugged album? Yeah, Vaselines song. The group also released its second album a couple years ago, called "Sex with an Ex," a pretty good metaphor for returning to the music of your teenage years, I think. 8pm Doors, $22 DOS.
* Saturday, Sep. 1: Dr. Who Premiere, Weigh Station: The Weigh Station -- that steampunk-themed, sorta-jazz bar in Prospect Heights -- is pretty much designed to be a Dr. Who screening spot. The bathroom is inside a Tardis, for geekdom's sake! (The Tardis being the eponymous hero's time-traveling phonebooth/vehicle.) Don't be embarrassed to dork out -- you'll be among friends. Doors 4pm, Screening 6pm, FREE.
* Monday, Sep. 3: West Indian Day Parade, Crown Heights: If you want to spend your Labor Day amidst an overwhelming spectacle of sights, sounds, and smells -- check out the West Indian Day Parade. Probably something to see at least once while you're a New Yorker. Then, you can scoff at the boring parades back home once you eventually flee this place. 11am, FREE.
* Monday, Sep. 3: Moth Storyslam, Bell House: As Park Slope continues along its march toward storyslam dominance, it's good to revisit the grandadday of these events: The Moth's been doing it longer and with more acclaim, and should swell the performance area of the Bell House for this month's theme: "Collaboration." 8pm, $8.
* Tuesday, Sep. 4: Punderdome 3000, Littlefield: The puns, the dad jokes, and the big, floppy ties are all back! It's an audience-judged, amateur pun competition that involves, among other things Payday candy bars flung into the audience, a human-powered applause-measurement device, and impromptu sitcom sing-a-longs. So, that should at least make you curious. 8pm, $6-7.
* ONGOING: Hank's Saloonvation, Hank's: Hank's Saloon, recently able to forestall foreclosure, stands as a divey monument against neighborhood redefinition via the Barclay's Center. Or, maybe it's just a pleasantly run-down place with an affection for country music. Either way, they're struggling to stay afloat and are asking for donations. As mentioned on Brokelyn, it is a business, so maybe you could help out more productively by going and buying a beer or two. I tend to agree.