As the Oscars sneak up, be-glittered, upon us, take a good look at the beautiful, successful people who will still be able to afford living in Park Slope long after all of us have been priced out. They will join Captain Picard, Donny Kerabratsos and PC in watching your sad retreat to Queens or Hipsturbia. Meanwhile, snark all over their self-congratulatory fashion show. It's a sort of pre-revenge, which is sometimes the best you can manage. Welcome to Whassup: Reddish Carpet Edition:
* Thursday, Feb. 21: Printmaking Residency Closing, Gowanus Studio Space: The 2012 printmaking residents at Gowanus Studio Space are on their way out. Because, if you hadn't heard, 2012 was killed on Dec. 31. Sad. No one saw it coming. (Everyone saw it coming.) Come check out what images look like when they are not composed of glowing pixels, as the practitioners of this old-school medium host their closing show. 7pm-9pm, FREE.
* Thursday, Feb. 21: New Book Lair, Mellow Pages (Bushwick): A couple of libro-loving book bros from the PacNW (Seattle, if you're counting) are opening a cool thing tonight: it's an indie library stocked with works from indie presses, largely from their own collections. BECAUSE PAPER IS STILL A THING, YOU KINDLE-HAVING FUCKERS! Sorry. There'll be beer to drink, and readings to ignore while you drink. Really, it's just such a Brooklyn thing that you should do it. 7pm, FREE (can buy $20 membership).
* Friday, Feb. 22: Bloody Caesar Space Ritual, Silent Barn: Julius Caesar crucifying pirates in space. That's all I got about this indie theater show, and that's really all you need. Taking place at the awesome Silent Barn. 6:30pm, $8.
* Friday, Feb. 22-Sunday, Feb. 24: Mega Book Sale, United Methodist Church: The UMC's annual, massive book sale wants to pound fantastic, musty knowledge between your brain lobes. Come experience the paperyness. You can also still drop off donations today (Feb. 21) from 6pm to 9pm and tomorrow from noon to 3pm. Sale happens Fri: 7pm-9:30pm, $20 (PREVIEW SALE). Sat: 9a,-5pm, FREE. Sun: 12:30pm-5pm, FREE.
* Sunday, Feb. 24: Free Sandy Picture Scanning, Red Hook: Yeah, people are still acting all kind and shit (sometimes) after the bitch that was Sandy. CARE for Sandy got started right after the storm, with photo pros pro-bono-ing their services to digitally restore pictures that got Sandy-fied. At this event, you can bring in up to 100 damaged pictures for FREE scanning, in prep for future restoration. 10:30am-5:30pm, FREE.
* Sunday, Feb. 24: Witstream Oscars Party, Bell House: Don't snark alone. Let the professionals do it for you. Dry-witted, guitar-slinging comedian Dave Hill hosts, while the Witstream comedy micro-blog runs its feed of funny people who wish they were as famous as the award-winners. 7pm, FREE.
* Sunday, Feb. 24: Girls Write Now Oscar Night, PJ Hanley's: Or. OR. You could do some good with your Oscar viewing, by supporting this Girls Write Now fundraiser. The nonprofit matches writing mentors to young scribes of the Woolfish persuasion (in need of rooms of their own [female]). Because it's good to encourage young writers, right? I mean, yes? Though, I do sorta wish I'd had fewer teachers encourage me to take English classes, and more tell me how engineering would actually get me a job. But, yeah! Write on, young women! 7pm, $30 DOS.
* Sunday, Feb. 24: Off-the-Map Tour, Green-Wood Cemetery: There's really no seasonal way to make this relevant. It is not Halloween. It is not the Day of the Dead. It's not Memorial Day. It's not Skullfuck Sunday (not a real thing). There's just a cemetery tour happening, but it starts at Sea Witch. And Sea Witch is a very cool, nautically themed bar. So, if you've never been, here's a good excuse to check out the (very) South Slope booze house. 1pm, $10-20.