Well, with Mitt Romney's campaign imploding deliciously over the last week or so, we liberal caricatures of Park Slope need to look elsewhere for entertainment: there're diminishing returns in a lopsided contest, after all. Luckily, there's plenty to occupy our time in this land of insufferable liberality. Welcome to Whassup: Entitled to Fun Edition:
* Through Sunday, Sept. 23: BK Book Fest: The pre-BK Book Fest happenings known as Bookend Events continue this week, culminating in the fest itself on Sunday. Oh, there're so many chances to participate in literary culture without actually having to read any books. It's amazing! There're readings galore, kitschy shit like the "Librarian Olympics" at Union Hall, and even kids' stuff, you Park Slope parents, such as a zoo party. Rumor is, they've taught a kangaroo to read. (Please note: I am starting this rumor myself.) Sunday, the whole shit goes down, with wordy presentations all the damn day long. 10am-6pm, FREE (Some Bookend events priced).
* Thursday, Sept. 20: Cringe, Freddy's: The Freddy's original series of teenage diaries and other mortifying texts welcomes the fall with a back-to-school special. Because nothing says school daze like stories of shame, galloping hormones, and blissfully un-self-aware melodrama. 7:30pm, FREE.
* Saturday, Sept. 22-Sunday, Sept. 23: Gowanus Volunteers, Gowanus Canal Conservancy: I hate to do this, but I'm going to pierce your narcissism for a moment. Not every event is about being entertained and showing off your secondary sexual characteristics to hot singles. Sometimes, it's about helping. The Gowanus Conservancy Canal invites you to two volunteer events this weekend -- a new garden planting on Saturday (11am-3pm, 3rd Ave. and 3rd St.) and Compost Day on Sunday (11am-3pm, 2nd Ave. and 5th St.). Ah, who am I kidding, as a wise friend pointed out to me last night, doing good work is just more fuel for the narcissist's self-regard. So, show what amazing, selfless, admirable people you are, and make this dirty, filthy world better by, honestly, a minuscule amount.
* Sunday, Sept. 23: BK Bluegrass Bash, Bell House: Brooklyn, and the Park Slope area in particular, continues to be a bizarrely good place to catch talented Americana musicians. This big old bluegrass hoe down hosts both nationally recognized masters of the banjo and fiddle and younger, local talents. Also, it's a fundraiser to restore the damaged ceiling at Old First Reformed Church. So, God will smile down upon this hootennany. May the circle be unbroken. 3pm, $45+.
* Sunday, Sept. 23: Spoken Word, Freddy's: Hey kids, stop it with the tweets and the status updates for a minute, and let's make this oversharing thing real. Yeah, I mean -- do it in front of a mic. Spoken Word NY cedes the stage to any and all comers (five minutes at a time) to lend voice to purple prose, vermillion verse, silver song, um, jizz-colored jokes, and whatever else you got. Plus, they get really drunk. 9pm, FREE.
* Monday, Sept. 24: Skee-Ball Kickoff, Full Circle Bar (Williamsburg): Brooklyn is, among other things, the place adults go to play children's games. You've done bocce. You're first base in your kickball league. Connect 4 nights at Dram Shop are a big hit with your flag football team. Now, try your hand at skee-ball. It will allow you to call everyone "Skee-lo!" all the time like some sort of douchebag. 7-9pm, FREE.
* Tuesday, Sept. 25: Story Collider, Union Hall: Even with the Book Festival in the rearview, the literariality of BK don't stop. More stories! This time, from the science-minded narrative-technicians of Story Collider, tackling the warm, furry, smelly topic of animals. 8pm, $10 DOS.