Oh, awesome. So, yeah, awesome. It's the awesomest holiday of the year this week: Valentine's Day. I don't think I know anyone who actually likes this holiday. If there are such people, I hope I never date any of them. For the rest of us (sane) people, Valentine's Day may only be enjoyed oppositionally and/or ironically. Hence, you'll find, closing out this esteemed edition of Whassup, a series of V-Day activities that even the most woefully single of us may enjoy. Welcome to Whassup: Cupid-Proof Edition:
* Saturday, Feb. 9: Vintage Vogue & Vinyl, Union Hall: If you're a young person living in Brooklyn, there's a good chance you like old things -- I'm sorry, vintage things. It's as reliable as non-hip people liking new things and things that Michael Bay has made. Therefore, you will probably like this vintage clothing and record party thrown by Out of My Mind vintage. To go along with your new, old duds, there'll be '60s and '70s-style makeovers to be had, along with some old, vinyl-heavy DJing to dance to like an old woman. 1-5pm, FREE.
* Sunday, Feb. 10: Vegan Bake-Off, Bell House: A vegan bake-off is appropriate for a month with Valentine's in it as we all try to be as different as possible from THE PERSON WHO ATE OUR HEARTS!! No, but, really: here's a blood-thirsty competition that is not actually thirsty for any blood. You get the point: delicious things that involve nothing with parents. It's comfort food for your stomach and your soul. 3pm, $12.
* Sunday, Feb. 10: Babeland Sexy Trivia, Pacific Standard: Valentine's Day is supposed to be all about romance, which is, strictly speaking, not the same thing as sex. But, if you're doing either one right, hopefully there's some overlap. Anyway, those heart-shaped boxes full of chocolate oughtta be worth at least one night of messing up the sheets. Failing that, come get titillated by some sexy trivia at Pacific Standard, hosted by the healthy sexualities from Babeland. 8pm-11pm, FREE.
* Tuesday, Feb. 12: Whiskey Coke Reading, Freddy's: The young-punk writer/musicians of 'Having a Whiskey Coke with You' return, with the make-shift community of artists well past a year of reading, performing, drinking and smoking together. You can join just to listen or to join in during the open mic in the wee hours. 8pm, FREE.
* VALENTINE'S DAY: Cringe, Freddy's: This Valentine's Day, there's no better way to celebrate the embarrassment of intimacy than with mortifying and hilarious readings from teenage journals, love poems, breakup tirades and more. And that's what Cringe is for. 7:30pm, FREE.
* VALENTINE'S DAY: Rejection Show, Littlefield: Unless, is it that there's no better way to celebrate Valentine's than by acknowledging the bone-shaking rejection we all must feel at some point. This comedy shindig explores rejection, particularly that of the heartbreak variety for this V-Day show. 8:30pm, $10-12.
* VALENTINE'S DAY: 'Unloveabe' Smiths Tribute, Bell House: Unless, that is, there's no better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than with the desperately lonely melodies of The Smiths and Morrissey, brought to you by local Smiths and Morrissey cover band, The Sons & Heirs. 9pm, $12.
* VALENTINE'S DAY: Power Ballads Sing-Along, Union Hall: UNLESS, that is, there's no better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than by crooning along to the heartbreakingly overdramatic strains of the '80s' hair-metaly-est power ballads. Feel the love coursing through you like the heroin through Axl Rose's veins. 9:30pm, $8.