It's no secret that FIPS is no fan of the Tarjay at the Atlantic Terminal Mall. In our four-part undercover video series (ICYMI: part one, part two, part three, part four) we called that hellhole an "abortion of retail," and we totally fucking meant it.
However, I recently found myself back at Target and, wouldn't ya know it, I managed to find a little corner of nirvana amongst the ransacked shelves, garbage strewn aisles and bitch-ass employees: the Pharmacy!
I started a new job in May and though we *do* have health insurance, it comes in the form of an HSA plan. For the uninitiated, an HSA plan is sort of like a quasi 401k plan to be used for all of your healthcare needs. You (and your employer) can put money in, take it out as needed for any health or medical costs, and then the rest you get to keep/save/invest. There are usually higher deductibles for these plans, and more out-of-pocket expenses up front. In fact, for the first time, I'm actualy paying outright for my prescriptions.
My doctor prescribed me 3 diff pills last month, and before hopping on over to Neergard (my usual pill pusher) I decided to call around and see what the price differences were in all three prescriptions.
- Pill A: 30mg, 2 x day = 60 pills
- Pill B: 35mg, 1 x day = 30 pills
- Pill C: .25mg 1-2 x day as needed = 60 pills
Here's how this shit broke down:
- Neergard Pharmacy: Pill A = $122; Pill B = $78; Pill C = $54
- Duane Reade (on Flatbush): Pill A = $72; Pill B = $52; Pill C = $38
- Target Pharmacy: Pill A = $49; Pill B = $22; Pill C = $12
Ok, so lemme do the math for you, folks: $254 at Neergard, $162 at Duane Reade or $83 at Target. Guess where I went??
I mean, I would have guessed that Neergard would be the most expensive of the three, but I thought the price differences would be $10 or $15 bucks at most. I was completely blown away by the huge differentials.
But now here's where shit gets REALLY crazy: I drag my ass over to Target, mentally and physically preparing myself for the heinousness that I am certain will befall me. I get to the store, and everything is just as I've left it--a complete fucking mess (good thing I didn't need a cart, cause as per U, there weren't any). I walk on up to the counter at the Pharmacy at and right away, a nice chipper female employee greets me with "Hi there. Can I help you?"
I give this smiley bitch my prescriptions and tell her than I'm not yet in their system.
"No problem! Just fill out this quick form and we'll get you right in there!"
"May I see your insurance ID card, please?"
She adds my name to the computer and then says "wait one moment while I go check if these items are in stock."
At this point, I'm literally standing there in a daze. I swear to fucking gawd, I would not have been surprised if Ashton Kutcher walked out at that moment with a film crew and was like "YOUR ASS JUST GOT PUNKED!!"
But no...this shit was really happening, people.
30 seconds later the pharmacist came out (!!??) to tell me that 2 of my pills would need to be ordered. She asked if it would be easier for me to pick up everything together or take the one that was in stock right then.
Options!? For realz!? At Target?? IS THIS REAL LIFE?
I told her I'd be back the next day to pick everything up together. She handed me her business card and suggested that I call first to make sure that everything has arrived so "I don't waste a trip."
And then it got even BETTER!:
I call the next day to see if all is good in the hood and my pills have arrived, and some OTHER chipper dude answers the phone. I give him my last name, and he gets back on the line in like 20 seconds to tell me that "YEP, EVERYTHING IS HERE!"
To top everything off, their pill bottles are these super rad looking little red numbers (see above) that stand up straight (they were designed by a graphic arts student, who took on the pill bottle as her thesis! Target caught wind of it and bought her design!). And you can even check a little box to get them to NOT put on those annoying fucking child caps that are a pain in the ass to open and so goddamned unnecessary for BALLERS like me. ANNNND, you even get to choose the color of the ring you have around the collar of your pill bottle, so that you can easily tell the difference between your drugs and anyone else's who has shit in the medicine cabinet.
How in the hell this place exists within the shit show of the larger store is still a mystery to me. Though I'd guess that the Target Pharmacy is run by some other completely different (and separate) org from the regular Target store. I mean, I almost left a fucking tip for these people they were all so nice.
Anyway, true this was only my first visit, but between the cheap ass prices, and the friendly, killer service, I'm hooked. I never ever ever never ever ever thought I would say this, but Target (Pharmacy): I think I'm in love with you.