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[UPDATE] So, I Guess You Just Don't Get Your Mail Anymore If You Live In South Slope?

UPDATE: OK, So Amanda wanted to get back in on the "you've got mail...or not" sitch and she sent along the some detailed instructions on what to do if yo mail is getting jacked (we've included them at the end of the post).

Though I was certainly entertained by Amanda's post on how she hasn't been getting her mail for the past week, I was guessing she had a nosy neighbor, an annoying landlord who was throwing shit out, or maybe even a light week for bills.

I mean, over here in the N. Slope, I've been getting my mail fine every damn day.

But here's the thing: *lots* of you bitches have been leaving comments on that post and it sounds like NONE of your asses out there in the South Slope are getting your mail!? And that this wouldn't be the first time this has happened!

I mean WTF??

Is this like a thing that everyone just knows about if you live South of 9th Street?? Why isn't anyone else talking about this?? What in the FUCK are the postal workers doing all day over there??

True, FIPS isn't exactly known for its investigative journalism (except for yesterday when Meredith tried to call Terrace Bagels to find out about the soy milk debacle...and no one called her back), but this seems like some serious shit.

Does ANYONE out there have some scoop??


Attention, South Slopers! Not getting your mail?  Here's how to fix that shit in 20 easy steps:
1. Try to look up the phone number for the Van Brunt Station.  There isn't one.
2. Call 1-800-ASK-USPS.  
3. Try to wade through the ridiculous menu of options.  
4. After you realize that "lodge a complaint" is not an option, pound "0" several times on your key pad.
5. The super-secret customer service option is now unlocked.  But first, they need to know what your problem is.
6. Scream, "I'M NOT GETTING MY MAIL" into the phone about 15 times as the computer comes back at you with ridiculous "Did you say?" options that sound nothing like what you said.
7. Finally, you get through to an operator.  They help you lodge a formal complaint, give you a case number, and tell you that someone will get back to you with information in 2 business days.
8. Try not to pass out from holding your breath.
9. It has now been four business days since you called.  You call 1-800-ASK-USPS again.
10. Repeat steps 3-6.
11. Explain to a new operator that now it's been almost two weeks that you haven't gotten your mail.
12.  Try not to yell as they tell you that they will merely update your file and someone will contact you again.
13.  Tell them that you, like most people, get important documents (ie: Netflix) in the mail, and that two weeks without receiving them is disconcerting.  
14.  They want to get you off of the phone, so they give you the number for Brooklyn Consumer Affairs.
15.  Hang up and call Brooklyn Consumer Affairs.
16.  Much to your delight, a person answers the phone immediately, without any menu option ridiculousness.
17.  You lodge a complaint with Brooklyn Consumer Affairs.  
18.  Spell your last name 15 times, because apparently, 4 letters is too hard to comprehend.
19.  Try to be hopeful as they say that they will speak to your carrier and follow up with you tomorrow.
20.  Try not to fall off your fucking chair the next morning when Brooklyn Consumer Affairs calls you up and tells you that they've spoken to your carrier, and that mail will be delivered starting tomorrow.
So really, the whole situation could have been fixed in 6 easy steps by skipping 1-800-ASK-USPS and just calling Brooklyn Consumer Affairs directly.  Their number is 718-348-3900.  They were actually pretty efficient and helpful.  
My problem was that when I was away for a week for the holidays, I didn't stop my mail. Because it was accumulating, (but no where even near full) my carrier came to the logical conclusion that if someone isn't collecting their mail around the holidays, they must have moved away in the middle of the night.  Brilliant.
So what did they do with my mail?  Can I go and pick it up?  No way, jose.  They marked all that shit "return to sender." 

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