It’s been about a month since Greenwood Park’s gates opened, and local residents are already finding reasons to complain about the 13,000 square foot beer garden. The Brooklyn Paper recently clued us in to the drama: apparently the blocks surrounding the day drinker’s paradise have become havens for public sex, urination, and noise. The Paper even goes so far as to post a photo of a used condom allegedly found on the sidewalk (at least they’re using protection!), but of course, posting that photo is beneath the high standards of this blog.
“On any given night, we are witnessing public urination, sexual acts being performed, and drunks stumbling down the block,” one neighbor told The BK Paper. These guys are mad! I probably would be too if an outdoor bar moved into the abandoned auto repair shop on my block. Who wants progress, redevelopment, urban renewal, and a new place at which to get day drunk? Wouldn’t it be more fun to just stare at an abandoned piece of concrete forever?
Luckily these angry neighbors haven't simply bitched -- they've offered some solutions, too. One of these ideas, hiring extra security, makes perfect sense. A little crowd control goes a long way. But they’ve also suggested posting signs telling patrons to be quiet and respectful as they leave the premises, which is basically never effective on unruly drunk people. And my favorite suggestion is that the bar should install porta-potties to prevent people from peeing on the streets. Yes, if anything is better than the smell of pee, it’s the smell of a porta-potty. Maybe we should all just hang out downwind of a cattle farm instead!
Ted Mann, one of the owners of the boozery and biological son of rocker Ted Nugent, says the bar has hired more security guards and considered renting porta-potties for busier nights. Again with the porta-potties! How is this a logical solution? The actual problem is probably that 8 stalls isn’t enough for a bar that can hold up to 700 drunk people. This FiPS contributor can personally attest to the lengthy bathroom line this past Saturday night. In my humble estimation, the bar should probably install more bathrooms.
But why stop there? They could also install cheap motel rooms to rent out for an hour or so to help prevent public sexual acts. And they could hire as many security guards as patrons every night. Each person that sets foot in the bar is preemptively tackled by a security guard for possible public urination. At the very least, it’d keep the place interesting.