DOLPHIN FUCKED, ER, STRANDED IN GOWANUS CANAL

photo via AP

UPDATE 6:20pm: 1010 Wins is reporting that the poor dolphin has died. Sadz faces all around.

Think you're having a shitty day? Think again, asshole. 

Cause you couldn't possibly be having a more shitty day than this poor, covered in sludge dolphin, that somehow took a wrong turn and ended up trapped in the gowanus fucking canal. 

Click to read more ...

[CRIME]: MAN KILLED ON 18TH STREET

via NY1In totally shitty, not funny at all news, NY1 reported that a 67-year-old Long Island man was robbed and killed on 18th Street in Park Slope last night around 7:30pm. A FIPS tipster who lives nearby heard a woman screaming for help at that same time and wrote in wondering what the heck was up.  

Sources say the victim, a travel agent names Jesus Morales, came to Park Slope to buy a car. He died from a severe head injury. 

According to the official police report:

A witness was interviewed who provided the description of the perpetrator running from the scene. A second female witness stated that after hearing a thump, she turned and observed a male wearing all black with a black mask leaning over the victim and searching through the victims pockets while he lay on the ground. She added that the male looked at her asked her to stay away. She then crossed over to the south side of 18th street before observing the perpetrator running eastbound toward 6th Ave.

Yikes all around.

(via Concerned Citizens of Greenwood Heights)

Funding the Farm: Applewood Needs Your Help

Image Via Applewoodny.com

We recently reported that the Slope's own APPLEWOOD restaurant owners David and Laura Shea have planned to bring their farm-to-table mentality even closer to home by just owning the whole table AND farm. The couple has completed the intial farm buying, but now are asking for the community's help in funding some other projects at the farm. Utilizing global funding platform Indiegogo.com, the Shea's have set up a $15,000 fundraising goal to complete their operational needs. As of the time of this post, they've raised $5,580 with 35 days to go. 

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BREAKING: MAN STRUCK BY R TRAIN

image via @kidpretentious

Apparently, some time just after 2pm today, a man was struck (or jumped?) in front of an R train at the 4th Ave/9th Street subway station. 

He was transported to Lutheran Hospital in "serious condition."

Judging by this photo above, the NYPD was able to spare quite a few from their crack team of investigators who were luckily able to step away from their various undercover ticketing beats and/or standing around doing nothing at subway station beats, in order to respond. 

Various eyewitnesses are claiming that the dude jumped and others say he fell, so it's still unclear wtf went down. R train service was being suspended while the investigation was onging, but who knows how long that will last. 

Hope the dude ends up ok (also happy Friday night commute home, folks).

(via Gothamist)

Sweetwolf's Got Vandalized...Who's Got Scoop?!

Some jackhole(s) threw a rock through Sweetwolf's front window last night, and owner Tim Judge is wondering if anyone has scoop? 

We're guessing that throwing a rock or a brick or a stroller or something through a window would probably make a lot of noise, so did anyone hear anything? Or see anything? They are located at 6th Ave and 12th Street.

If you see'd something, say something. 

image via Here's Park Slope