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*BALLER - n. Kid free-n-lovin it

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Entries in jews (11)

Friday
04Dec2009

Who Gives A Shit: Which Sexy Assed Jew (Living or Dead) Would You Most Like To Get It On With?

UPDATE (from Good For the Jews' Rob Tannenbaum): Let’s declare a tie for first: A pair of tickets each to mistresspix (“Jesus Christ. I'd crucify him in bed and then he'd rise again in three days for more”) and stegothesaurus (“Gilbert Gottfried. The screaming would be legendary among my neighbors, and I'd be so annoyed by him that we'd have really hot angry sex”). Both are severely disturbed and belong in the front row at Good For the Jews.

Please remind the losers—I mean, the runners-up that tickets are only $12 (less than a movie) using the FIPS discount code. If you have their names, I’ll make sure they’re on the guest list; if you have their emails, I’ll write to them and ask for their names. Thanks!

Ok, so if this question seems totally fucking bizarre to you, I'd understand why.

BUT, it will make total sense when you realize that the answer *could* win you two tix to a Good For the Jews show this Monday, Dec. 7th!

These crazy Heebs are putting the "Ha [back] in Hanukkah" for their 2009 tour. And in case you're not familiar, they do Jewish music for people who hate Jewish music--i.e no songs about dreidels or impromptu Israeli folk dancing.

Their special guest stars will be JDub Records band DeLeon, plus comedians Morgan Murphy and Seth Herzog, Mediaite.com writer Rachel Sklar, and other surprise funny peeps. The tour is sponsored by Jewcy.com.

Here's the scoop:

Monday, December 7, 2009
Doors at 6 pm, show at 8 pm
HighLine Ballroom
431 W. 16th St.
New York, NY 10011
Buy tickets at the HighLine Ballroom box office, online at
www.highlineballroom.com or by phone at 866.468.7619

(DISCOUNT CODE = GFTJ FOR $12 TIX)

Anyway.

So the one simple question of the day is: Which sexy assed Jew, living or dead, would you most like to get it on with and why?(and can I pre-emptively suggest that you do not suggest your wife, girlfriend or such other boring bullshit. Your shit needs to be c-r-e-a-t-i-v-e if you want results).

This time you should leave your email contact info in the comments (erica @ shuthefuckup dot com format is ok), so that we can get in touch with your ass after you drop your witty brilliance all over our faces.

You gotta be in it, to win it, bitches.

Saturday
26Sep2009

VIDEO: Westboro Baptist Church Pwned by Park Slope

Thirtysecondlife put together this touching video documenting this morning's Wesboro Baptist Church v. Park Slope showdown.

I cried (agggain).

Saturday
26Sep2009

The Park Slope vs. Westboro Baptist Church Smackdown

I just got back from the hate parade that the Westboro Baptist Church staged this morning in front of Temple Beth Elohim on Garfield and 8th Avenue. There's a bunch of shit that I want to tell you about it, but basically this was my take away:

  • As much as we may bitch around here, I'm so grateful and proud to live in a community that totally gets that these people are hateful, pathetic idiots.
  • These people are hateful, pathetic idiots.
  • Fuck yeah, Jews!
  • Fuck yeah, Fags!
  • Fuck yeah, counter protesting!

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
24Feb2009

CO-OP ADVOCATES: JEWISH MEDIA SPREADING BOYCOTT LIES 

LIES! all LIES!

I tell ya, all it takes is one Hima chick coming into a co-op meeting with a proposal to ban Israeli goods, the other self-righteous co-op members standing around nodding and trying to make her understand how much they too LOVE AND TOLERATE Islam, and The Jewish Media has to snap it up and turn it into a 3 ring circus.

Well, thanks to the great comments on BN's junk, as well as this explanation in Woodward and Bernstein's Brooklyn Paper, we now know that the whole story was just a mind-control device perpetrated by The Jews.

Now if we could just get to the bottom of comments left on BN's article by folks like Behind The Satiric Curve, who glibly reference "Israeli War Crimes" in their arguments. But hey, I'm sure those were out of context too.

Friday
20Feb2009

BREAKING: Park Slope Food Co-op to Recommend That Jewish Members Wear Yellow Star of David

PARK SLOPE, Brooklyn (FIPSNN) - The trouble began in a local synagogue, of all places, where at a monthly general meeting, a Park Slope Co-op member proposed a ban on Israeli foods. The gesture was one of protest, aimed at expressing the organization's contempt for the country's recent military campaign in Gaza. Here in Brooklyn, however, many Jews objected; that's when divisive lines were formed, and Co-op members began to choose sides.

Now, in a move that is sure to ignite protest from Jewish advocacy groups citywide, the Co-op board has voted to recommend that Jewish Members adorn Stars of David while shopping at the Co-op. The Co-op board insists that the move is one of compassion, and senior members of the organization met with FIPSNN to elaborate.

Click to read more ...

Monday
02Feb2009

Superbowl XLIII: Jesus Christ Defeated Again by Swarthy, Closeted Jew.


See, I personally would have thought that G-d couldn't give a FUCK about football; but seeing as Mel Gibson's man-twat diddler and Arizona QB Kurt Warner has gone out of his way to point out again and again and again that Jesus gives him magical powers like Superman's earthsun, I guess we can take last night's Cardinal defeat as a sure-fire sign that G-d likes Jews more than He likes the Goyum.

Now if we could just have the Cardinals play the Gays!

Click to read more ...

Friday
09Jan2009

My Mom Almost Gets it, But Still Thinks the Fake Hasid Robbers Are Bernie Madoff's Fault


My mom and I rarely see eye-to-eye on Judaism.

I was optimistic when she forwarded me this scathing attack on Bernie Madoff, delivered by a prominent Newsweek Rent-a-Rabbi. Jesus fucking christ - how'd you like to hear that spiel while you're standing on the Bema after your Haftorah portion?

But then as a goof, I sent her the story about the fake Hasids robbing the Diamond store in Manhattan.

She responded with a one line email:

You see? We have Mr. Madoff to thank.

Click to read more ...