My husband's a half-jew (on the wrong side -- his father's), so we're about as minimally invested in Hanukkah as anyone could be, without being not invested at all. But since Hanukkah involves eight days of presents, we still try and celebrate, even if it's only a little. The only problem is, the 25th of Kislev keeps moving around on us. Fortunately, I looked it up over the weekend, because in 2013 starts on a Tuesday, which is super, duper early. So if you haven't been planning your gifts ahead of time, or you've misplaced your menorah -- well, you'd better get on that shit, stat!
Anyway. When I went to the Google Machine to look up the dates for this year's festival of lights, I noticed that the people at Chabad.Org allow folks to leave a comment on their "When is Hanukkah this year?" page. Some of those comments -- complete with misspellings, grammar errors, and indicia of psycho-social disorders -- are noteworthy. Here are the top three: