This week, you're all probably frantically just-now remembering that whole annual thing about Christmas presents. Oh, yes. We must buy electronics and warm items of clothing for one another to honor the crucifixion of Santa Clause. Ok, look: the myth varies by culture. That's how my family celebrated it. But while the image of a bleeding Kris Kringle (ever wonder WHY his suit is red?) troubles your guilt muscles, please allow me to distract you with a sleigh full of fun things to do. Welcome to Whassup: Procrastinate the Presents Edition:
* Thursday, Dec. 13: Party Machine Holiday Benefit, Bell House: The two comediennes who head up The Party Machine make an interesting duo: one verges on Steven Wright levels of deadpan, while the other seems perpetually just this side of floating away on a flying carpet of manic bubbles. And they're merely the hosts of this comedy variety show, with sets from Janeane Garofalo (remember the '90's!) and Adira Amram, the most joyously '80's dancer you'll see outside a faded MTV video. Plus, this whole thing benefits the Brooklyn Badass Animal Rescue, a favorite cause of FiPS during our rare, non-snarky moods. 7:30pm, $15.
* Friday, Dec. 14: Holiday Punk Out, Rock Shop: Check out some local punk heroes, particularly the party band Brooklyn What, as they jingle all of your balls before Christmas. Because, you see, balls sounds like bells. But is also a term for testicles. Punk rock! 8pm, $10.