Park Slope Craigslist Personals: Bachelorette Edish

 

What are your plans for 2012?  Finally invest in a beer-making kit? Really start getting coffee at the bodega since it’s only fucking 75 cents? Cool, but what about your love life? What about getting effed in Park Slope?  For inspiration, I’m attempting to match this lovely local bachelorette with three potential Park Slope connections! You’re welcome, pers-n6uuf-2791791953@craigslist.org, and may you reach your corporeal goals! 

First let's meet:

The Bachelorette: Spanking. And dates. - 27 (Park Slope)

Hello out there -- it's officially a new year. So I'm looking forward to new possibilities! My ideal winter date would be a guy in his 30s who is handsome, has his life more-or-less in order, and likes to indulge in a little kink. I do not want a crazy S&M boyfriend or whatever. Just want the pool of men I date to be guys who really like spanking, and are good at it. Life's too short to wait till the third date to disclose that, right? :)

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Doulas for fathers-to-be

Photo: Zenfound.wordpress.com

Mothers-to-be: when giving birth to your next requisite Park Slope baby, don't forget about the needs of your male half. As the doula wipes the sweat from your brow and handfeeds you ice chips, make sure your man has the same treatment during these intense hours.

For just $200 you can hire a Craigslist "dudela," a doula to hold the hand of fathers-to-be through the metaphorical pain of perineal tears. The (presumably fake) ad offers men non-medical support during their wife's labor. A dudela will handle all texts and phone calls during the delivery, update your Facebook status on your wife's dilation progress and tweet the announcement of your child's crowning moment. Not to mention, handle all up to the minute sport updates so fathers can really be in the moment.

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Park Slope Craigslist: Sexy Couple Needs Help

A Park Slope couple with a "child" is looking for a "live-in nanny" to do some "light cleaning." If you're a super hot woman of West Indian or Spanish descent, please contact this equally sexy European couple:

Educated,prof. attractive married European couple,very uninhibited with high sex drives seeking attractive bisexual West Indian/Spanish female for live in nanny position to care for small child and to move in with us either p/t,preferably full time,additionally some light cleaning and other small chores.salary along with your own room and board and you will travel with us also at our expense.We prefer that you are in good shape as we are,wife is 5'7 130, husband is 6' 190 in our early 30's ,healthy,drug and disease free,single and pleasant disposition,age 21 to 40.You should be ok with spending time mostly with wife is very bisexual and a pleaser,but husband may also join at times.We are very private and discrete professionals and want by all appearances for our relationship to be same to outsiders.Please reply with,photo,your experience and background,single females only and preferably W.Indian/Spanish.Bye,bye. 

To peep the actual post (read: boobs and bootie) click HERE Bye,bye.

[Thanks to Park Slope Lens for the hawt tip!]

MISSED CONNECTIONS: Dirty Daycare

Park Slope mamas: Do you need a little extra love from this loyal dad?

Park Slope Mom Needs Me - m4w (Park Slope)

Our kids go to day care together on 4th Ave. We passed each other in the stairwell. You are a kind, sweet, hard working, beautiful woman. I want to meet you on your lunch break at Prospect Park. I want you to tell me about everything that's bothering you and then make out with you like we were in high school. I think I can help you a little if you'd like me to.

Sex and therapy? A man who can multitask is always a keeper.

If You're In The Market For Half Of A Mannequin...

 $40 for the set, $20 for half...oh happy day! I'll go halvsies with someone, but I call dibs on the stems...

 For deetz go here.

Lost + Found On Craigslist: HARP STRINGS

click to enlargeLost my bulletproof mini briefcase of Harp Strings - REWARD (Park Slope or Greenpoint)

Date: 2011-02-20, 11:12PM EST
Reply to: comm-yftpm-2225641187@craigslist.org

I lost a small silver briefcase filled with harp strings, a harp tuning key and some other accessories in either Park Slope on Berkeley Pl or Greenpoint on Beadel St. If you found it or stole it, please return it - no questions asked. I'm offering a reward. Thanks.

Are you serious? Bitch please.

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Do You Have Food Rage?

If so, I have the perfect solution for you: A PARK SLOPE FOOD RAGE SUPPORT GROUP!

From the retarded/crazy/fake? Craigslist ad:

"Do your family members always seem to finish eating dinner before you get home from work? Have arguments with your spouse led to flying spaghetti? When you look at a dozen eggs, do you think "omelette" or "ammo"? If you said yes (or "ammo") to any of these questions, you may be suffering from food rage.

Food Rage is a very serious issue, and the FRSG is here to help. We are a group of individuals who suffer from FR and meet together every week to share our experiences. With the love and guidance of those who understand what you're going through, you too can work through your Food Rage issues."

This can't be real, right? Except that they have a a MOTHERFUCKING LOGO!?

Things that make you go hmm...