Hey, so you know how people take real vacations and sit on beaches-n-go snorkeling and shit? Right, well I'm not doing any of that cause I'm a loser, however, I AM taking a blog vacay starting next week. And you're all invited!

WHO: me
WHERE: here
WHY: Cause blogging totally fucking sucks
WHEN: August 1 through 14th

Here's how this shit is gonna work: I'm not blogging for 2 weeks cause I wanna see what life's like when you get to come home from work and actually have nothing to do. But DON'T PANIC, PPL!

I know the thought of a FIPSless day is far too much for anyone to have to bear, so I've enlisted Meredith, Amanda and Allison to run the fucking show while I'm off making sweet love to my Tivo and re-organizing my closet. So yeah, you'll be well taken care of...and probably won't even miss me. Shit, you might even like it better. And then I'll come back and everyone will be all "uhm...it's not you, it's US" and there will be a big messy coup, Gorilla Coffee style, and you bitches will burn a stroller in front of my apt building or some shit.

IT. COULD. HAPPEN.

Anyway, I'm Audi.

Cause I know just the bitch who can teach all your asses how to blog verrrry HARD: m-e!

That's right, ppl...yours truly is going to be teaching an Intro to Blogging class this Fall at Mediabistro and if you take it, I'm pretty sure it will rule your face.

I will share all my tips-n-tricks and maybe you will discover once and for all whether blogging actually totally fucking sucks or totally fucking rules. Also we can make fun of all the FIPS commenters, and do each others hair, and live tweet everything that happens in class...or something like that.

Anyway, for realz: if you want to learn how the christ to put together one of these blogging thingamajiggies and not have it totally blow, sign up.

Ok, so the Brooklyn Blogfest went down last night at the Lyceum in Park Slope and I was there for the whole shebang.

I'm sort of entertained by the fact that everyone seems to be talking about how the Blogfest, organized by Smartmom herself, totally sold out to Absolut and has turned into nothing but a shill-fest. Mostly this entertains me because I feel like everyone is missing the entire fucking point which I think is this: Absolut didn't ruin the Blogfest, cause the Blogfest already sucked. In fact, the only thing that didn't suck last night, were the free drinks.

Full disclosure: I did a post for Absolut and they sent me a flip camera and a bottle of vodka, both of which I was planning to use for a giveaway on my site. I get this whole full disclosure thing, but also I'm not the NY fucking Times. I don't disclose shit about shit normally (how much my advertisers pay me, the fact that Robicelli's gave me a free cupcake once, blah, blah, blah)--mostly because who the fuck cares. Do I think that Absolut completely took over the event last night? Honestly: I don't think they took it over enough.

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Happy Holiday weekend everyone! This has gotz to be my, hands down, favorite submission I have ever received at FIPS HQ. Behold the best email of all friggin time

This email was transmitted via www.fuckedinparkslope.com.

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Your Name: xxxxxx Mxxxxxx
Your Email:
Subject: Remove my name from your site

WOW, WOW, WOW, OH WOOOOOOW.

Ok, let's break this shit down:

Ok, so ta da! I started another blog!

It's right here and it's called Design Blahg. I'm trying to bring the FIPS snark and attitude to the world of Interior Design. Will it work? Who the fuck knows, but I'm tryin.

If you bitches felt like hopping on over there and throwing down a comment or two so it doesn't look like a ghost town, that would rock.

Of course, I still love you long time and FIPS isn't going anywhere (duh).

(Also, follow @designblahg on Twitter)