Park Slope Brag: We Own The Only Original Polish Bagel Recipe

Photo via bridgeandtunnelclub.com

Park Slope now has one more thing to brag about. While reading in The NY Post about a Seattle couple who flew all the way to New York City to find a great bagel, I came across this little tidbit: 

"The only original bagel recipe traceable to Poland that Goodman can point to is not made by a Jewish bagel maker, but an Italian one at Bagel Hole in Park Slope.

“I learned how to make bagels from an old Jewish man, about 30 years ago, maybe a little longer,” says owner Philip Romanzi, whose bagels are smaller and sweeter than the standard Upper West Side bagel."

Hear that, every other neighborhood in New York City? That's the sound of our real Polish bagel's recipe kicking your fake-ass Polish bagel recipe's doughy ass. 

Who needs the real Brooklyn when things can be BROOKLYNIZED?

I’m always pretty skeptical when people claim to replicate the authenticity of something native to somewhere else when they are in a place far away from that locality. But I have to admit that this video was pretty damn convincing.

The story goes like this: Larry King bought a Beverly Hills franchise of an Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Co., thereby (supposedly) bringing that local kick-ass, Brooklyn bagel flavor to the west coast.

The first thing that made me question the validity of this claim was that this franchise isn’t even based out of New York in the first place, but instead Florida. The franchise claims to “Brooklynize” non-Brooklyn water with a special water filtration system, removing Florida minerals and replacing them with Brooklyn minerals, thus creating semi-authentic, Brooklyn water, which then is used to make bagels. Using this theory, it only makes sense that you could take California/Wherever-the-hell-you-are minerals out of the water and replace those with Brooklyn minerals and create the same effect. Okay, I guess I can get on board with that. HOWEVER...

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FIPS CARES: La Bagel Delight, A Final Plea

OK, so as much as you btchz know that I love La Bagel Delight like a fat kid loves cake, my loyalty has been tested recently. Bagel Market has recently joined the Park Slope bagelsphere, and based on the fact that it's pretty much standing room only in that joint 24/7, that's gotta be hurtin LBD's bottom line. And as much as I tried to resist Bagel Market's siren call, I couldn't help myself: THEY HAVE MINI-BAGELS!

Also, they offer that delivery to the door service for ppl with hot dogs like me, even though I still don't know their fucking phone number.

Anyway.

The other issue I have with LBD is that the layout makes me positively murder-y. I do confess that I enjoy watching the green out-of-towners try to figure out the procedure in there, but also that reminds how fucking stupid the procedure is:

• Get in one of the two lines, though you'll probs just stand in the line to the right cause it's totally confusing and you can't really tell it's two.
• Stand there for awhile.
• As you get somewhat close-ish to the front, just start screaming out your order at the top of your lungs as soon as one of the guys says "NEXT." Yep, even though he seems like he's not talking to you he is.
• Awkwardly step to the side, even though there's no room for you to stand there and you're not sure where you'll need to go to pick up your order.
• Try to make more room for the 2 ppl behind you who now need to stand off to the side, along with the 3 people in front of you who are also now waiting. If this shit were a drain, it would be way the hell clogged up.
• Try to push your way through all these ppl to get close enough to the register to actually pay when the guy who was helping you says "ALL SET."
• Now try to push your way through: the 2 haphazard lines, the sea of ppl waiting for their food, and that chick with the double stroller in order to get back outside.
• Yell expletive under your breath after you make it out to the street and think to yourself yet again: HOLY SHIT, THAT PLACE IS SET UP SOOOOO STOOOPIDLY.

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Bagel Market Loves Ur Dog

Ok, as a long-time La Bagel Delight devotee, my feelings toward the new Bagel Market have been somewhat conflicted and slow to develop.

Initially they started winning me over with their mini-bagel options, but this sign above kinda takes me over the top. Basically you can call ahead, place your order, and if you're with your dog, they will come bring your order to the door--so you don't even have to tie the pooch up!

As everyone knows: I have a dog that's way the hell too hawt to leave tied up outside a store, so this service is BIG TIME appreciated. In fact, I wish more Park Slope businesses would do this shit too.

Only hitch is, their phone number doesn't seem to be listed ANYWHERE online. So while I'd love to try this doggie door delivery service out, and have all of you try this doggie door delivery service out, I guess we're all SOL until we uncover the magical digits.

Bagel Market: A Quickie Review

image: BrownstonerSo, despite my La Bagel loyalties, I thought I owed it to you guys to drag my fat ass over to Bagel Market this weekend to try shit out at their grand opening.

The traditionalist in me wanted to hate them...but I just couldn't. I mean, I didn't totally love them either, but we're officially in like.

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How Many Bagel Shops Does One Block Need?

photo: Brownstoner

Why, I ask you? WHY?

I don't know how it is that our la bagel loving FIPS maven isn't up in arms at this incursion into her beloved's territory, but she was really quite complacent in last week's round up of new "restos." Is this in the glossary, by the way? Along with the newly ubiquitous FIPS terminology "probs?" 

Are bagels really so much like korean markets that you need two within a one-block radius of each other? Are the bagels of the upcoming Bagel Market going to be such an improvement upon those of La Bagel Delight? Will they avoid the maddening two line sitch of LBD to rule the block? Will they serve brisket or matzoh ball soup?

Because otherwise I don't see the need for another bagel hole (unless it is THE Bagel Hole, which I'd gladly welcome) in Center Slope.

Does ANYBODY do any research before they open a store on 7th Avenue?

Bagel Hole Bagels Are #1 [Duh]

So, Serious Eats posted this lovely little tri-borough bagel extravaganza post today, in which they attempted to find NYC's best bayg.  And Brokelyn thought their review was perfectly adorable, but wanted some cred for coming to the same conclusion the week before on their search for the best bagel.

Uhm, so we hate to be the bearers of bad news, bitches, but HELLO: FIPS annointed Bagel Hole as the best effing bagel LAST FUCKING YEAR during our Bagel Off! We'd been there and done that in the oh-eight, motherfuckers!

Anyway.

I'm glad we can all agree on this, b/c Bagel Hole *does* rule my face.

But I'm gonna give you a lil extra piece of advice that everyone else failed to mention, just because that's the kind of generous bitch I am: for the ultimate bagelgasm, buy your bayg at Bagel Hole an buy your scallion cream cheese up the street at La Bagel Delight. Yes its an extra stop, but I'm telling you: it's worth it. Bagel Hole has the market TOTALLY FUCKING CORNERED on bagels, but on cream cheese...not so much.

You're welcome.