The Great Unicycle Uptick of 2011

Did I miss some gigantic press release or Markowitz declaration that unicycles are the new Bugaboo or something? Like, top serious, EVERYWHERE LATELY.

Have I finally gone off the deep end, or are you guys seeing this, too? I'm gonna whip out a gigantic "Told you so" when the PPW Bike Lane becomes the Unicycle Lane.

Learn How To Touch Your Baby (Not Like That)

Do you ever look over at your baby, and it’s peering up at you all, "Can't you bitchez see I'm in major need of a massage?" Well, now you can finally learn how to stroke your baby’s body without getting arrested!

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In the Slope, We Train 'Em Young [INFINITE REGRESSIONS]

Park Slope, Brooklyn, New York: The only place in America where even the strollers have strollers.

Thanks But No Thanks, LA Dodgers

Way back in 1958, Dodgers owner Walter O’Malley packed up dem beloved borough baseball bums for the bright lights and sunshine of California, leaving Brooklyn’s entire professional sports fan base devastated. Now those LA-holes want to pay tribute to the team that used to play up the street at Ebbets Field by donning special uniforms during 6 games this upcoming baseball season.

To that we here at FIPS, say hell to the n-o.

Look, if you’re going to decimate an entire professional team’s local support system and economy, showing off some old school duds 53 years later that you're probably going to make bank off of isn’t going to erase the hard feelings of yore. Sure many of the old Dodger faithful ain’t
around anymore to gripe, but that’s not the issue. If you haven’t noticed, we already pay tribute to our Brooklyn baseball legacy with our beloved Coney Island ‘clones. And if you’ve ever been to CitiField,
you’d know that the Mets are just keeping shit warm for the inevitable return of Jackie Robinson and Pee Wee Reese.

If you folks in LA really want to keep giving props to Brooklyn, just keep stealing that BK style. We hear flannel shirts and trucker hats are all the rage in Los Feliz and Echo Park.That’s straight up Billyburg! But if you’re going to douche it up in those old school Dodger unis at least a few times this summer, when it happens, can you at least make it against the Mets so we can come out and give you all the finger?

[AYFKMWTS] Eating Dog Food For 30 Days?

Remember that dude from Super Size Me who ate Mcdonald's non-stop for 30 days? And remember how totally fucking disgusting you found that concept?

Right, well try this one on for size: these two Brooklyn chicks are going to eat human-grade dog food exclusively for 30 days.

"On March 1st, Hanna Mandelbaum and Alison Wiener, owners of Evermore Pet Food, Inc., will put their mouths where their money is... their dog food. Dubbing the campaign Evermore Me—a tongue-in-cheek reference to the 2004 hit film Super Size Me—the two will subsist exclusively for one month on their human-grade, gently cooked dog formulas and recipes made only from the whole-food ingredients in their food."

I gotta say: as vile as this experiment sounds, it *does* kinda make me curious about their dog food. Cause if these ladiez are seriously just gonna eat their own dog food for a solid month, then either: the shit's gotta be pretty decent; OR they gotta be totally desperate for some attensh.

In either case, here my ass is writin about it so, yeah: they won.

(via PRWeb)

Raise Your Hand If You Are Over This Fucking Snow?

via dagomatic's Flickr

CAUSE I AM SO FUCKING OVER THIS SNOW. LIKE SOOOOOOOOO.

Is it snowing again out right now? Prolly! I won't even look out my window though, cause I don't wanna know.

Ok, in an effort to not poke my own eyeballs out with a rusty nail, I've decided to focus on some of the positives. My glass is so fucking half full, ppl.

• Look at all of these beautiful pics of the snow! Snow is pretty! Before it turns black, of course...black like my heart (via @ataferner).
• Help this kind-hearted snow dude find the cute snow girl so that they can go drink snow beers! Barf! I mean yay! (craigslist).
• Ok Park Slope Food Coop...you win. I kind of like you a *leetle* bit after seeing the photo above (via Gothamist).
• That lil ole blizzard from December...that cost us all at least $68 millies (NY Times) (and ok, that one is a negative...had to slip it in).
• Aw, doesn't this totally remind you of Daryl Hannah and your long lost youth and blah, blah, blah? Yeah, me too: Snow Mermaid on 6th Ave and 1st Street (via Park Slope Lens).

Dear Al Gore,

Help!

Love,

NYC

Hawk'd In Park Slope

This video is kind of amazeballs: some chick on Carroll Street happened to notice a MOTHERFUCKING HAWK ON HER AIR CONDITIONER! Oh and the hawk was tearing to shreds the carcass of another dead bird.

Yowza.

(via City Room Blog)