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STATE OF THE BOROUGH: Marty Markowitz Has Issues

I'm starting to think it's time for our unmedicated esteemed borough president Marty Markowitz to retire to Century Village or Naples, FL where he can ride his tricycle in peace.

Don't we have term limits around here? His schtick is getting old.

Here's Marty mocking the recent PPW bike lane controversy by riding his adult tricycle into last week's State of the Borough address (with a Junior's cheesecake in his basket, no less). Hysterical, right?

He closed out the festivities with the classy pole dancer above. And, of course,  had other bits of spectacle in between like the national texting champion (who hails from East New York), and the new Mr. Universe, who took off his shirt for the crowd. All with a backdrop of projections of Markowitz posing with celebs like Brooklyn Decker and Beyonce. Oy.

Anyway, other than the latter-day Vaudeville/Burlesque Show he put on, MM waxed on about the coming of Barney's Co-op, Shake Shack, Whole Foods and (he keeps dreaming) that Apple Store to a resurgent Downtown Brooklyn. 

He talked about a few controversial projects without actually mentioning that they're pissing a lot of people off: Atlantic Yards and the expansion of the Gateway Mall (yeah, the Walmart one), to name a couple.

He spoke about plans to transform 4th Ave into a "livable, walkable, tree-lined avenue" that he's calling 'Brooklyn Boulevard.' I'm good with that. How about a bike lane while you're at it?

He talked about improving the Gowanus Expressway. Wait, what Gowanus Expressway?

Marty's investing a million into incubating businesses in a poor hood (not sure which), and $15 million into Fulton Mall to repair sidewalks, put in benches, and repave roads. Huh? How about reversing that and giving the incubator $15 mil and telling the merchants to kick in on beautification?

And, of course, Marty complained AGAIN about the city forcing bike lanes down people's throats and AGAIN about the outrage of PPW's new bike lane in particular.   

Get over the bike lane!!! You lost; deal, dude! 

But noooooo, he's suing the DOT. That's right...he's suing to remove the bike lane. Because there's nothing more important going on in Brooklyn. He better be suing on his own dime!

I only wish the Marty-gras had been dicked out in true Prospect Park style in one of those Tour de France cycling outfits our middle-aged male contingent seem so inexplicably fond of around here.

And, incidentally, a NY Observer article with the catchy headline "Marty Mocks Bikes While People Perish," reported that on Friday, a woman biking in Billyburg was the latest victim of a hit and run. And that Marty is an insensitive mocker for pulling his trike stunt while cyclists get doored and smushed throughout the borough. From the article:

"Not two days before Markowitz held his State of the Borough, a group of families who had lost loved ones to cars implored Markowitz to take a stand on behalf of complete streets and pedestrian safety. Instead they were met with more mockery."

To which Marty's press guy replied, "I don't know how many more ways we can say it, but the borough president takes the safety of all Brooklynites seriously. The borough president is not opposed to bike lanes—in fact he has supported the 9th Street lane and the Brooklyn Greenway bicycle path. He is opposed to the installation of the Prospect Park West bike lane for reasons that have been well publicized."

To which a commenter replied, "grow up already." And another: "Marty is a schmuck."

Somebody in the know once told me about Marty: "I have a lot of bipolar and mental illness in my family so I'm used to dealing with people like Marty."

The dude's all about promoting good health and lower cholesterol and all that exercise shit (except those bikes) for yourself the good people of BK, complete with PR campaigns and mongo signs about your wife getting you to go on a diet; so let's work in the mental health parity. Starting with YOU.

I heard he routinely gets temperamental when things don't go his way. Kind of like a toddler. Maybe that tricycle was prescient. Does Marty have a diagnosis? Other than schmuck?

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