The littler and I stalked JSF recently at Sweet Melissa's. He told me he barely washes his jeans let alone irons them. I promised to never call him a pompous ass again if he answered our FIPS interview questions. He gave me his very special and private email address.
It was a BIG deal, man...a big deal, that is, before SOMEBODY upped the ante on me with that Jake Gyllenhaal sighting on the Q train.
In due time, he emailed me with his answers to my questions. That's when I found myself in a moral dilemma, because I just CANNOT BELIEVE some of these answers.
So, I emailed back with some follow-ups, because: YES! I CARE about you, Jonathan Safran Foer.
Then JSF emailed me back to say he was on a plane, and then he emailed me back a few times to say he was off a plane and would email soon. And then I emailed him back and asked "when is soon?," and then yesterday I made one last ditch effort and said I wasn't above groveling. Truth time: that's when things started to get a little kinky. I began to get a hint of how it was that JSF landed his hottie wife in the first place. This email exchange was masterful, and just a wee bit S&M'y. He challenged me to grovel...even said it might be interesting.
Paradoxically, my respect for JSF went up a notch. That little fucker: he's playing with me!
I'm STILL waiting for my follow-up answers...though I included them throughout the interview for all to see.
JSF: phone home! I've already promised to babysit your kids next Saturday and get you free tix to watch Sesame Street. What more do you want from me?
Why do you live in Park Slope?
Probably for the same reasons Oscar the Grouch, Elmo and Big Bird do.
[FOLLOW-UP] Wait, on what basis do you suggest that Sesame Street is in Park Slope? And where are you going with this?
What’s your most favorite thing about Park Slope? Your least favorite?
Favorite thing is the people in my neighborhood: Bob, Maria, Gordon, Mr. Hooper. Nicest people in NY. Least favorite thing is 7th Avenue, which seems to be single-minded about losing all of its character as quickly as possible.
[FOLLOW-UP] You are aware that our audience is made up primarily of adult children, not actual ones, right? Perhaps you didn’t hear that Mr. Hooper has passed and Bob likes small boys (fine, I made that up). Is your point that PS is make-believe or that we are neighborly? Has nobody made fun of your proclivity for ironing your jeans to your face?
Favorite haunt in the hood?
Men's room of the Grand Army Plaza Public Library. So many good conversations to be had there.
[FOLLOW-UP] Wow, I didn’t see that one coming. What type of conversations?
Where do you buy your food?
Favorite Park Slope author, other than yourself (and the wife!)?
I don't even know what authors live here. I love Paul Auster and Siri Hustvedt. My impression is that authors have been leaving.
Do you have a Park Slope literati support group/drum circle?
Yes. A drum circle.
Are you a member or have you ever been a member of any Park Slope coops?
[How is that possible? This might account for your unswerving love of the people around here.]
Are you a reader of Park Slope Parents?
On rare occasion. It's a great resource for some pretty esoteric questions, like, "Is Arbor Day typically a work day for babysitters?" But I don't read it with my oatmeal, if that's what you mean.
Your coffee shop?
I'm a pretty Catholic coffee drinker (strictly Jewish with bagels). When I need a lift, I'm not very picky about where it comes from. That having been said, 9 out of 10 cups of coffee I drink (a day) are made at home.
Where do you come down on:
a) parents/parenting in this hood?
The more kids the better, as far as I'm concerned. Even the annoying kind.
b) babies in bars?
You mean babies like very young people, or in the Vince Vaughn sense?
d) writing in the 3rd person or usage of the royal "we"?
e) the Pavilion?
If you drop a bit of popcorn, let it go.
Mustaches as an ironic statement?
Do you shovel your own sidewalk?
Your favorite place to eat out in Park Slope?
Tell us SOMETHING that pisses you off about Park Slope.
[ed note: sadly, all of these last questions, as well as all Allison's follow-up/flirt e-mail questions remain unanswered. Perhaps JSF would be willing to answer them, as well as any add'l questions you btchz have, in one last FIPS Q&A lightning round? Let em rip, and we will TRY!--Erica]