Ladies and Gentlemen…are you ready to rummm-buhhhhl!? This exclamatory phrase has been the introduction for certain soap opera-like, melodramatic can-o-whoop ass openings for as long as I can remember. I’m not referring to a permed mullet-sporting, maroon-onesie-wearing A.C. Slater. Go Bayside? No! I’m shouting out to an era of legends like Brutus the Barber Beefcake and the Iron Sheik.
One can only moonlight in the grandeur of muscle-bound 80’s carnage for so long before it’s time to gather your gonads, part the ropes yourself, grab a folding chair, and go to town. The town I’m referring to is Brooklyn (576 3rd Ave., Gowanus to be exact). The gonads are those of the members of the LWS (Ludus Wrestling School). Doesn’t quite have the same ring (pun intended) as WWF…er, WWE, does it?
Founded in 2011 the LWS teaches all the techniques behind fake ass kicking that made the “sport” a success so long ago. Haters, I’m not knocking the ancient Greco Roman art form. I’d pay to watch a Gladiator wrastle a lion and there’s nothing I’d rather see than Hulk Hogan tear off his shirt, cup one ear, and extend his arm to the heavens like the ex pope…and by ex pope I mean a Hitler youth. I’m merely implying that perhaps the rigors endured by speedo clad monster men best be left to the professionals.
This Gowanus startup has made our radar because they’ve allegedly peddled alcohol to minors and hired unlicensed bouncers. I suplex you not! They’re pleather-laced, knee boot deep in a world of hurt. The Brooklyn Supreme Court ordered that they be shut down for a year and that Sigola Manufacturing, the owner of the building, be fined $1,000 for each day they knew of the illegal alcohol sales.
I guess there were more accessories than bicep tassels and shiny bathrobes.