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« New York Magazine: We Demand A Retraction | Main | COFFEE WARS: Gorilla Employee Speaks [And It Ain't Pretty] »
Sunday
Apr112010

It Happened One Weekend in Park Slope [COFFEE WARS, REALITY TV AND WE WON!]

Ok, has this been the most epic weekend in Park Slope history or what??

Save for that fucking plane crashing into Seventh Ave in 1960, I can't think of another time during which harsh realities have been birthed, worlds have collided and BREEDERS-N-BALLERS have come together in such Earth shattering pandemonius mayhem. It almost feels like an episode of Lost (except I'm just a teensy bit less confused).

So yeah: let me recap as best I can:

  • Friday, 4/9: WINTER RETURNS - Remember how I was bitching the other day on Twitter about wanting to turn my AC on? Yeah, well it was fucking FREEZING out on Friday. I had to turn on the goddamned heat for chrissakes. That shit was so not funny.
  • Saturday morning, 4/10: COFFEE WARS - Foreign Dude is one of the first to break the "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, Gorilla Coffee is closed" story! More of your asses walk down there only to discover that, indeed, Gorills Coffee IS closed. With no sign on the door, and an apparent employee strike in motion, we're all left to just snort cocaine instead...and wonder.
  • Saturday afternoon, 4/10: COFFEE WARS continues - That shit is *still* not open. Now Gawker and the NYT and everyone and their brother has picked up the story. Twitter blows up. Without a single confirmation of what went down from any actual employee, Park Slope has already formed a Gorilla Coffee Management lynch mob.
  • Saturday evening, 4/10: REALITY BITES - Simon Van Kempen and Alex McCord (or Silex as I like to call them) from Real Housewives of NYC read from their new book at B&N on 7th Ave. I went. Simon wears pink suede shoes, they're both charming and lovely, and Simon and I cement our budding Twitter friendship. IS THIS REAL LIFE, PPL? [yep, it really is].
  • Sunday morning, 4/11: COFFEE WARS - STILL NO GORILLA COFFEE. Oh, and there won't be annnny coffee for quite some time because all of the employees hate Carol, the non-owner partner, and refuse to work for her. The real owner, partner Darlene doesn't seem to give a rat's ass [Starbucks and Connecticut Muffin have their best days in 2K10].
  • Sunday afternoon, 4/11: PARK SLOPE RULEZ - Nate Silver, that superstar statistician who basically predicted we were all going to vote for Obama back during the Carter administration, put all his fancy number majiggers to work again in order to figure out the best neighborhood to live in in NYC. And guess what bitches: IT'S PARK MOTHERFUCKING SLOPE! YEAHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYEEE. TAKE THAT BILLYBURG! TAKE THAT COBBLE MOTHERFUCKING HILL. IN YOUR FACE DUMBBBBBBBB-OH. [FIST PUMP, FIST PUMP, FIST PUMP].

Phew!

So yeah...I guess that was mostly it. You ppl are all so obsessed with Gaga lately, but I gotta throw it out to Gwen Stefani who's gonna play us all out into the week with Hollaback Girl:

"Let me hear you say, this shit is bananas

B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

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