Recently, The Barclays Center was called out for its allegedly racist security procedures. The arena was outfitted with metal detectors for the string of recent Jay-Z concerts and the Harlem Globetrotters, but did not have metal detectors for the more recent Barbra Streisand concert. Streisand fans were merely "wanded" which, really, was fine for most Streisand fans. I love Babs and have been "wanded" many times, though normally I'm treated with dinner first. Make the black people go through metal detectors, but wave a wand past the gays and old ladies? That's how it's gonna be? Really, Barclays Center?
After the media started reporting on The Barclays Center's questionable actions, representatives of the giant arena announced that they are abandoning metal detectors entirely and will only use the aforementioned wands; a change that they're attributing to "testing" various security methods in the wake of the departure of their security chief. Lookit. I'm all in favor of effective security. But if Barclays is going to accomplish this by profiling attendees, I have suggestions for a few of the events coming up in the next couple of weeks.
October 20 -- Garcia vs. Morales II: World Championship Boxing comes to Brooklyn. I don't know who these athletes are, but at least one of them is from Mexico, which means that if the Barclays Center is truly racist, they'll set up all sorts of detectors to scan for, uh, "being from Mexico," probably. But really, if they're looking to enhance security for a boxing match, they should scan the boxers and refs. Is there a "Throwing-The-Fight" detector? A "Taking-A-Dive" scanner? A wand that says "You coulda' been a contender, but you're goin' down in the fourth round?"
October 30 -- Journey, Pat Benatar and Loverboy: A metal detector will do no good for this one. Anyone who's dressed appropriately for a Pat Benatar concert will probably be decked out in enough metal for a throwdown at the Thunderdome. They could do a security screening for tight red leather pants, like from that Loverboy album cover, since crotch bulges probably make lots of people insecure. But I think ultimately they should probably scan for teenagers, because if anyone shows up at this show just because they love that one Journey song from Glee, the entire night will be ruined for everyone.
November 2 -- Caribbean Fever Music Festival: The possibilities for racial profiling are abundant here. Which direction will Barclays go? Personally, I don't think it makes sense to screen for ganja. It's probably inevitable, and who's it hurting, anyway? Rather, they might want to find a way to detect mid-concert "daggering" -- not that there's anything wrong with it -- I just wanted to mention public West Indian dry-humping in a FiPS post because I'm juvenile and immature.
So, while we're on the subject: what other shows do you think The Barclays Center might profile?