Hurricane Sandy is nearly upon us, and while there's always a chance that she may tiptoe past the Slope much like Hurricane Irene did last year, it's far more likely that she's going to roll in, drop her pants and shit all over us. In the event that we're looking at the latter, we will have to find ways to entertain ourselves within the walls of our Park Slope apartments for extended periods of time. We may even have to do this without power (GASP!).
So if you're looking for something to do during the rain, wind and possible snowfall (RIGHT?!), here's a list of Hurricane-friendly games and activities:
IF YOU'RE WITH OTHER PEOPLE:
THE WEATHER CHANNEL DRINKING GAME*
- What you'll need: A TV with access to news/weather channels, shot glasses, hard liquor, power.
- How to play: Take a shot every time a weather reporter says the words "hunker down." Take a shot every time you see an announcement for school cancellations (because they're awesome, even if we're not kids anymore). If you're watching a news anchor reporting on the storm from WITHIN the storm, and said reporter falls over from a strong gust of wind, drink the entire bottle.
- How to win: The first person to get so drunk that he/she approaches the TV set and dry humps the phallic-looking satellite image path of the hurricane OR the news anchor's face wins.
*Technically you can play this game alone, though if you do, you're probably an alcoholic.
THE STUDY-THE-HURRICANE DRINKING GAME (AKA, A WAY TO CONTINUE DRINKING AFTER THE POWER HAS GONE OUT)
- What you'll need: Hard liquor, shot glasses, some basic senses: smell, sight, hearing, taste.
- How to play: Look out the window. If you see rain moving sideways, take a shot. Listen. If the howling wind sounds like a Twilight character suffering from teen angst caused by turning into a vampire/werewolf, take a shot. Smell the air. If it at all smells like those "Thunderstorm" Yankee candle scents, take a shot. Taste the water from your tap. If it tastes funky, like maybe the Gowanus Canal somehow flooded into your drinking water, finish the bottle. The alcohol will help kill any STDs that entered your system.
- How to win: The first person to get so drunk that he/she pours the wax from the Thunderstorm-scented Yankee candle and screams, "LOOK! I'M LIKE RICKY MARTIN IN THE LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA MUSIC VIDEO!" wins.
IF YOU'RE WITH A PET
CONSTRUCT HURRICANE SURVIVAL OUTFITS
- What you'll need: 4 Empty soup cans, Scissors, String, 1 Small bowl, Camera
- How to make it: Cut a small hole in the center of each soup can. Thread the string through, then place each of your cat's paws in one can. Tie the string around the cat's waist to make the cans stay put. Put a bowl over the cat's head. Dress in your best outfit -- just because there's a hurricane, you don't BOTH have to look stupid.
- Don't forget: To Instagram that shit! Otherwise, what was the point?
IF YOU'RE COMPLETELY ALONE
When was the last time you sat down and wrote about your thoughts? (note: Tweeting doesn't count). Sit down, bust out that unused Moleskine and wax poetic about your feelings. My friend Jason Klein has already begun doing so, and THE HURRICANE ISN'T EVEN HERE YET!
9:07pm. I'm waiting for some sort of sign to make sure it's okay to go outside. Delancey street is bustling with taxis. HAS EVERYONE GONE MAD?! I shout to the citizens below, but they ignore me and continue their street hockey game. There's nothing I can do. I light some candles and go on Yahoo Search to see the progression of this Sandy's path. Only twelve more hours until we're in the eye of the storm. But I'm no hurricane-novice, I've been through this before. I know Sandy's tricks. No one on my Buddy List in AIM takes me seriously. I send twelve variants of sad emoticons and they all sign off and leave me in my solitude. I'm alone in this.
SIT IN A QUIET ROOM, LIGHT A FEW CANDLES AND READ A GOOD BOOK
Because think about it -- most of us dive into great books while surrounded by distractions: on the subway, or in coffee shops -- now's the time to curl up without any of those distractions and totally immerse yourself in a good one. Like, the paperback version of My Girl ("Thomas J needs his glasses! He can't see without his glasses!").
STAY SAFE, EVERYONE!