Some people do yoga in order to get in shape. Others do it so that they can reduce stress and clear their mind. But in the South Slope, at Naked Space (website NSFW), guys are doing yoga in order to throw well-established social mores out the fucking window. This is all under the guise of some sort of safe-space shedding, inhibitions-freeing, self-discovery twinkle ding-dong chaka khan kundalini blah, blah, fucking blah talk. It makes my head hurt just to read about it.
They offer nude yoga classes for men, and only men (Sorry, Ladies!), meaning that you go to their studio, take off all your clothes and stretch yourself into poses where your gaping rectum will be on view for the seven other dudes in class. Doesn't that sound like a great way to spend a Tuesday night? According to their site,"The instruction and practice of yoga without clothes reveals a wealth of information about the alignment of both teacher and student, which is otherwise hidden from view. The naked practice also fosters commonality and community, which can lead to a deeply supportive experience for everyone involved." Yeah, right. You know what else is a "deeply supportive experience for everyone involved?" Wearing boxer-briefs.
They don't just offer naked yoga. They also do meditation and "bodywork." Now, I have no problem with meditation. I'm generally a giant ball of stress, so I actually find it helpful to meditate. I've downloaded a couple of meditation apps for my iPhone, and I find that spending a few moments each day focusing on my breathing and sitting quietly is a really worthwhile endeavor. I have no interest, however, in meditating with a bunch of naked, balding guys with ponytails. That is not relaxing to me. That is just more stress.
As for the "bodywork?" I'm having trouble understanding exactly what this is. They say that it's sensual, but not sexual. It's collaborative and intimate, but it's not massage. Not a massage? So, if it's not the two things that I think of when I think of "bodywork", i.e. (1) getting those knots out of my back; and (2) a happy ending...what the hell is it? Just a bunch of dudes rubbing oil on each other? Fuck that shit. I won't be going, and neither will Kris Humphries.
There are just so many things about this that I feel I need to take issue with, that I hardly know how to fit it all into one post. So, I'm just going to focus on this, from their FAQ:
What if I get an erection? Congratulate yourself for having a healthy reproductive system. Seriously, erections are natural. Some guys will get them, some won't; either way, it's not a problem. What you choose to do with your erection is another matter. Be responsible for your actions and aware of the other people sharing the space.
See, now I'm even more confused. First of all, I know for a fact that not all erections are natural. Once, on an episode of Grey's Anatomy, some guy took so much Viagra that he couldn't make his hard-on go down, and it was a life-threatening. Also, I'm pretty sure that Rupert Murdoch uses a pump to get it up. And "some guys will get them, some won't?" Is that your way of telling us that straight guys take this class, too? Really?
What kind of straight guy wants a bunch of dudes rubbing oil on his chinkle-chankle? And that business about choosing to do something responsible with your erection? Well, as for me, I try to always handle my erections responsibly. I've never put my penis in anyone else without an explicit invitation to do so (and, preferably only after a nice meal). But if you invite a bunch of gay men to get naked and get handsy with each other well, you've got to expect that things are going to devolve pretty quickly.
On the up-side, yoga classes are only $20, which barely seems like it would cover the cost of Lysol. I'd bring my own mat, if I were you.
[Thanks to our friend and photog extraordinaire Park Slope Lens for the hot tip!]