“I can’t even imagine living in Manhattan ever again after moving to Brooklyn."
Yeah, you know the type. The Brooklyn Snob is a common breed with a penchant for all things local, organic, and Kings County-centric. Don’t know what to gift your BK lovers this year? Follow this guide to Brooklyn snobbery and you’ll be set.
1. Bowties for Boys by Thaddaeus Timothy ($30, Urban Alchemist, 343 5th St, 718-499-0758)
Don’t be that relative who gives a nephew godforsaken Crocs this Christmas (cue Breeders exclaiming about “ease!” and “comfort!”). You are better and more Brooklyn-y than that. Thaddaeus Timothy’s bow ties for boys should ensure that your “cool city relative” vibe is felt throughout the holiday season. Made in Brooklyn, these adorable and well-made pieces are constructed of soft cotton materials and come with a velcro closure because no 6 year-old (or even 50 year-old, for that matter) can figure out how to tie a proper bowtie without watching at least 8 YouTube videos.
2. Brooklyn Nets Unk T-Shirt ($21.99, The Brooklyn Nets Store 620 Atlantic Ave, 718-638-0481)
As much as you’ve probably heard your favorite Brooklyn Snob bitch and complain about the BarclaysCenter...you know they love it to some degree. They can’t see that “Hello Brooklyn” slogan and not get a twinge of sports-related pride, and since they’d probably never admit it themselves, they want some Nets paraphernalia. This T-shirt is the perfect blend of athletics and aesthetics because you won’t catch them at the COOP in a full-on jersey or anything...for God’s sake this is still Park Slope.
3. The Brooklyn: Kings County Gift Box ($99, Brooklyn Larder 228 Flatbush Ave, 718 783 1250)
Seriously, who the hell doesn’t like to receive a giant box of food? When one of these cartons of joy shows up at the office, I suddenly can not be bothered with anything work-related. Also, eating a entire bag of dark chocolate-covered toffee seems completely acceptable at 10AM. What better way to fatten up your favorite Brooklyn Snob this winter than with a gift box FULL of neighborhood treats? This stand-out from Brooklyn Larder includes Salty Road Taffy, Early Bird Granola, a special Brooklyn Mast Bros. Chocolate Bar, locally-made A. Bauer's mustard, a jar of Brooklyn Hard Candy, Caramel Popcorn from Liddabit Sweets, Liddabit's delicious Sea Salt caramels, Bklyn Larder's Spiced Walnuts, McClure's prize-winning pickles, and the Larder's own Peanut Brittle. FUCK YES. YUMS. The only trouble this this is that it may not make it fully-intact to the recipient.
4. Brooklyn Cutting Board ($48+shipping, Etsy: A Heirloom)
What the hell is a good Brooklynite supposed to cut her community garden-grown vegetables on? A Brooklyn cutting board, of course! This handmade board is made-to-order and is customizable with a heart/star/house cutout on your neighborhood of choice and takes just 2 weeks to arrive. It also doubles as a decorative cheese board for their next Amy Sohn book club meeting.
5. Edible Brooklyn Cookbook ($18.95, Scaredy Kat, 232 5th Ave, 718-623-1839)
The Brooklyn Snob can’t just eat like everyone else. Pick up a copy of Edible Brooklyn’s Cookbook so that you can continually be reminded by them that the city’s best food is not in Manhattan anymore. Edited byBrooklynite Rachel Warton, this book isn’t your average boring Betty Crocker guide. In addition to recipes, this book includes photo sections on many Kings County neighborhoods and foodie haunts, and sections about where to buy fresh, local ingredients (i.e. shit that gives Brooklynites, boners). Also, a side note: giving a cookbook as a gift is an insta-invite for a future dinner..so hey, you’ll just about break even for the money you spent on the book in free dinners!