Surely, any parent of a 0-9 month old baby girl has, at one time or another, looked at her and thought, Blech, I’m so sick of looking at your bald head! What are you, A BOY?
Nope? Nobody? Good, because if so, I was about to tell you how terrible of a person you are.
Those of us with common sense know that it’s natural for a baby to start off generally bald and then eventually grow hair -- once it’s ready to do so. Unfortunately, not everyone is of the opinion that a baby is a baby and the reason it has no hair (boy or girl) is because it’s a GOD DAMN BABY. Who missed the bald baby memo, you ask? The creators of Baby Bangs! Yes, I’m serious. There is actually something called “Baby Bangs,” exclamation point!
Baby Bangs! are essentially a wig and headband combo, that are not only “sprinkled with magic,” but designed to put an “adorable, elfish coiffure” on your disgustingly, Uncle-Fester-looking baby girl’s head. More importantly though, they are sure to keep assholes from mistaking your little girl for a little boy, which is a horrifyingly unforgivable mistake that surely ruins your life one "oh-what-a-cute-baby-boy-you-have" at a time.
Calming the parent from the trauma of having their daughter confused for a boy seems to be the only reason why these things exist, as I’m pretty sure these babies couldn't care less if you thought they were boys, girls or baby giraffes as, again, they’re just babies. The way I see it, these poor babies are just one bad parental decision away from a debut on Toddlers & Tiaras.