This might literally be the best email we've ever received here at FIPS HQ.
It seems as though FIPS reader @CoreyGreen happened upon quite the little kerfuffle on Monday night at our favorite organic hemp tote bag loving establishment, the Park Slope Food Coop.
As I was walking home from Union Hall tonight, I noticed a cop car and four police officers standing outside of the Park Slope Food Coop. At first I thought they were just standing around shootin the shit, but as I got closer I realized that they were investigating an ominous note left on one of the Coop's's loading doors.
My initial thought was, "Holy shit, one of those over worked, under paid nannies snapped and is threatening to blow that shit up, or maybe that fucking Ann Taylor's or whatever in downtown is threatening to burn this mother down for bitching about the legitimacy of using the word "Co-op" in their store name?" Either way, thank God I randomly chose to drink my life away on a Monday night.
Then I realized I had chosen to drink my life away on a Monday night, and suddenly inquiring about the note and thus engaging a few of Brooklyn's finest in a casual conversation tumbled tragically to the bottom of my priority list.
I kept my head down and went on my merry way. As I crossed Union at 7th Ave that same cop car drove past me, and my curiosity (see typical nosey-natured Park Sloper) got the best of me. I turned around to see what this "Coop shift gone wrong" ransom note was all about. As it turns out, the note wasn't nearly that exciting, but it was pretty funny.
Apparently, someone's required hours were up and they were hustlin' to get the hell home in time for Castle, which actually didn't air tonight because of the g'damn 20/20 special on the Prince of England's wedding or some shit. But I digress. So somebody started locking up early for the night, the only problem was that they weren't the only shifters left in the building. The note basically reads, "Three members were locked inside last night. The fire department was called to cut the lock off the door. The previous lock is on the ground below." -John something or other, Member #something."
Ok, so lemme get this straight.
- Someone left their Coop shift early in order to rush home to watch Castle? CASTLE??? BWHAHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAA! I had to just Wikipedia this shit to find out what that show even is. Apparently it's like Murder She Wrote 2.0 with a dude.
- THREE PEOPLE WERE LOCKED UP IN THE PSFC AND THEY DIDN'T CALL ME??? Dudez: if this ever, ever, ever, happens again, I will totally bust you out of there, anytime of the day or night. callll meeee.
Anyway, I guess it's pretty convenient that the fire department is located right next door. The locked down Food Coop shifters probably just sat in there throwing Kale out the window until someone from NYPD came by to see what was up.
It doesn't get any better than this, ppl.