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Tuesday
Dec062011

COOL OR NOT COOL: A BABY TAX IN RESTAURANTS?

By way of Gothamist comes word of a restaurant in London that apparently recently charged some chick and her 6-week old bebe a "tax" for simply breastfeeding her kid and taking up space with her gigantic SUV stroller. 

"Natasha Young brought her six-week old son to Cosmo, a large chain restaurant in London, to breast-feed him. When she received her bill, there was a £3 (about $5) charge tacked on, reportedly because her stroller was taking up space."

Needless to say, this chick went bonkers, yelled "STOP THE PRESSES" and took her story to every news outlet that would listen to her whine and moan. At which point the restaurant apologized and explained that their "tax" is actually not for babies or strollers but for toddlers who eat some food, but not as much as kids who order meals.  

Uhm, what!?

Anyway, Gothamist rightly wonders if this baby tax shit makes some real sense around here since they did a poll last month and found out that a mind-blowing 71% of brave heroes respondents think babies should just be flat out banned from restaurants altogether. 

You know what: I want to flip the script here. 

I say don't tax the BREEDERS, the bebes, the Bugaboos or any of it. I want to be taxed.

That's right folks, you heard it here first. I'm proposing the Park Slope BALLER tax. My ass will very fucking happily pay an extra $5 bucks per meal if a restaurant will promise not to let any bebes, toddlers, or kids under 7 who can't STFU and sit down like a normal human being, walk through their front door while I'm eating my shrimp scampi. 

BALLER TAX ME AND THEN BALLER TAX ME SOME MORE, BTCHZ. I welcome it!

In fact, I'm even going to take this one step further and agree to, with a big fat smile on my face, pay a BALLER tax in the following locations: 

  • Movie Theaters
  • Airplanes
  • The last 2 cars of any subway
  • Key Food from the hours of 7-9pm
  • Bagel Market from the hours of 11-12am on Sat/Sun (just give us one friggin hour there without the stroller brigade obstacle course!)
  • Starbucks (you BREEDERS totally own Connecticut Muffin anyway, so what the hell is the difference?)
  • And then BALLERS can keep Five Guys (both locations) and BREEDERS get Cheeburger Cheeburger)

 

That's right parents...I'm saying keep your hard earned cash! Us BALLERS are already paying out the yin-yang in taxes for your kids' schooling, so what's a few more hundos here and there!

Do we have a deal? 

(via Gothamist...also I was semi-inspired by BN's old Declaration of Co-Dependence which is totally still worth a read)

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