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« I Heart Park Slope Because It Sucks Less Than Manhattan | Main | BREEDER vs BREEDER: New Moms Gone Wild »
Friday
Oct012010

BREAKING: People At The Park Slope Food Coop Hire Hookers!

Short of the raccoon decapitation story, I'm pretty sure this is the best submission we've ever received here at FIPS HQ.

You see that pic of that woman in a hoochie mama dress, wearing fuck me heels up above? Well someonnnnne who works at the Coop is looking for her cause this bitch allegedly stole their dog!? And she may or may not be a hooker!? And they're offering you cash mon-ay if you can find this little skank-a-rella! And two months worth of Coop shifts! (ok, kidding about that last bit...cause two Coop shifts would be worth more like $2500).

Anyway.

Our new fave Coop Spy is this dude Aaron Naparstak, who noticed this remarkable flyer on the bulletin board outside their office during his last make-up shift. And sidenote: Aaron also confirms that's its totally fucking annoying to work with all those mofos with tales of bitchtastical shift leaders and check-out girls who ring your ass up while on conference calls. But who cares about any of that shit now...THERE'S A HOOKER DOG THIEF ON THE LOOSE!

Our list of shit to be deathly afraid in Park Slope is gettin kinda hectic, hunh?:

  • Bedbugs
  • Tornadoes
  • Raccoons
  • Opposums
  • Hooker Dog Thiefs

I'm off to get Oliver micro-chipped....AH-gain.

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