So, it's Sunday, you're hungover, you don't want to move, and you're trying to decide which place in the nabe has the best General Tso's. Or maybe you're wondering if there's a restaurant in existence anywhere that is capable of bringing you a burger and fries that isn't soggy and terrible from the time it's spent hanging out in its styrofoam home.
BAM!: FIPS Food Throwdowns! A monthly series where we order the same exact thing from two different Park Slope restaurants, get it delivered, and evaluate which was better. It's a culinary smackdown...a triumph of the delivery will. I know your lazy asses are so ready for this shit.
So this is how it's going to work. The places will be judged by certain criteria:
Ordering ease: Ever had to spend 15 minutes on the phone just trying to order a fucking chips and guacamole only to find out they have a $30 minimum and don't take American Express? Yeah, thanks, Los Pollitos II. We appreciate it when a place makes it simple.
Delivery time: Anything under 15 minutes is a miracle. Anything over 45 minutes, I'm grabbing my torch and pitchfork.
Price: Because you should never spend $40 on takeout unless it's 4AM, you're drunk, and you decide that you and your two friends need 5 large pizzas.
How'd it hold up?: Soggy fries, leaking miso soups, cold pizza—even though I know my food is being slung over some guy's shoulder and transported on a bike, I'd like it to not look like it was.
Taste: Obviously.
Bonus: Extra sauces? Plastic containers that you can use again for lunch? Score.
I know all you foodies out there will inevitably hate the two places I pick. I get it. But I have to pick just two places to face each other in a head-to-head [mortal] combat. Feel free to suggest which places YOU think are the best for each featured food/dish—FIPS Food Throwdowns are just a random slice-of-pizza life sampling.
Here goes:
FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Guacamole Edition
Barrio vs. Rancho Alegre
Barrio (210 7th Avenue at 3rd St): With its pink and orange garrish awning, it's hard to miss Barrio when you're on 7th avenue. Great in the summer, the food is really good (albeit a tad pricey), the drinks are fab, and the staff is great. They also have fun, Mexican/Spanish restaurant decor, without devolving into any sort of "ayayyayayyy" ridiculousness that you find in other places. Let me just say this: I thought Barrio had this competition in the bag.
Ordering ease: The person on the phone was attentive, answered on the first ring, and made it easy.
Price: $7.50 for an order of guacamole served with their handmade corn tortillas. It's a $15 minimum for deliveries.
Delivery time: About 20 minutes.
How'd it hold up?: Totally fine. You can see that the warmed corn tortillas were wrapped in foil to retain the heat, the chips were put into a plastic container so they wouldn't get crushed in transit, and the guacamole was in a sturdy reusable container.
Taste: I ordered the guacamole mild, because I think it takes no skill to say, drench wings in hot sauce and hope that masquerades as flavor. Too often, you order something mild and that's mistaken as an order for "bland, plain, and flavorless." Unfortunately for Barrio, this was the case. The guacamole was way underseasoned. It needed salt and maybe some more citrus. It tasted bland, and when put on the neutral corn tortillas, it made it even worse. Also, let's take a look at the visual:
As you can see, the chips and tortillas given to us were not proportionate to how much guacamole we were given. We were even given the tasty salsa verde, but couldn't eat it because we had nothing to dip it in. The whole point of ordering in is to be able to have everything you need right in front of you. If you have to make a tortilla chip run to the bodega, it defeats the purpose.
Bonus: Salsa verde, corn tortillas AND chips, and reusable containers—Barrio definitely killed it with the acoutrements, but, they didn't give us enough chips/tortillas.
Rancho Alegre (204 Garfield Pl. at 7th Ave) Located on the second floor, Rancho Alegre literally means "Happy Ranch." Blanket-covered tables and goofy decor abound, but where in Park Slope can you actually look DOWN on 7th Avenue while you slurp down a margarita?
Ordering ease: Same as Barrio—very simple and easy.
Price: $5.50 for guacamole and multi-colored tortilla chips. $10 minimum for delivery.
Delivery time: About 20 minutes.
How'd it hold up?: The tortilla chips (while plentiful) were just shoved in a bag, which was obviously greasy and torn. The guacamole was served in a reuseable container.
Taste: Again, I ordered the guacamole mild, and I was pleased with the flavor of it. It was very well-seasoned, and the fresh onions in it gave it good flavor and an unexpected crunch. The consistency of Rancho Alegre's guac was also better than Barrio's.
Bonus: Nothing special—it was what it was, chips and guacamole.
So, who won?
While they both tied for service with a smile and quick delivery (and Barrio's order came equipped with more bells and whistles), the flavor and the price always win out, don't they? For two dollars less, Rancho Alegre's guacamole was just better, that's all.
Don't worry about Barrio, though, because they've already won the real-life business smackdown with their next door neighbor, Miracle Grill (too soon?).
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