Not long ago I heard of a clearly made-up statistic that claims that the average New Yorker moves once every three months. While that may not be true, New Yorkers do have the tendency to move a lot more frequently than suburban folk. And you know what? Moving sucks. From the movers who decided your valuables weren’t worth wrapping, to the elevators (or staircases) that just won’t fit you new IKEA couch -- hope it came with a monkey! -- it's just a huge pain in the butt.
Whether it’s an expanding family or bed bugs, sometimes you just get the itch to move (and sometimes accompanying red bumps). As such, here’s a roundup of what’s currently available in Park Slope for the ballers and the couch surfers alike looking to find their new digs.
Price: A cool $18,000,000
Location: 105 8th Avenue (President St & Carroll St)
Real Estate Agency: Halstead Property
What it's like: As the NY Times puts it, “the Tracy Mansion is a once in a lifetime opportunity (or rather, once in several lifetimes), to acquire what is possibly the most grand and architecturally significant Brooklyn residence to be offered to the general public in nearly half a century.” Let’s see: 50-ft wide, limestone mansion, 8-foot high Italian marble fireplace, bronze doors, vaulted ceilings, 9 full bathrooms and 23 rooms? I'm pretty sure baby Jesus comes included in that package.
Why you might want this place: Because you’ve recently watched an MTV Cribs marathon and you just NEED a place in Brooklyn to put your indoor trampoline studio. Also, because you’ve just won the lottery.
Why this place might actually suck: If you’re like me and you’ve spent the last 10 years living in less than 700 square feet, the idea of this much space is like the opposite of claustrophobia? Also, taxes. They would be a bitch.
Location: 205 Sterling Place
Real Estate Agency: Corcoran
What it's like: This pre-war, 4-story townhouse sports 5 bedrooms, 3 full bathrooms and a killer kitchen solarium and backyard. And the marble fireplaces and skylights aren’t too shabby, either.
Why you might want this place: Because you are rich, and you have children and you want to live close to the park. Because why would you NOT want this place?
Why this place might suck: The noise and traffic on Flatbush may spill over to your quiet abode, and you’ll constantly have to convince people that you live in Park Slope, even though the map has you in Prospect Heights.
Location: Plaza St. W (Berkeley Pl & Lincoln Pl)
Real Estate Agency: Brown Harris Stevens
What it's like: This 3 bedroom, 2 bath sunny apartment sits in a pre-war building a stone’s throw from the park. The ads boast some serious storage space from the kitchen to the closet, not to mention top of the line newly-renovated appliances.
Why you might want this place: Because….you had me at jacuzzi tub and terrace.
Why this place might suck: Even a cool 1.3 million won’t guarantee you a spot in the secure parking garage with a “well under-market monthly fee”. This is New York after all, so join the waiting list. Good thing you’re half a block from the train.
Location: 831 Carroll Street – Apt 2 (8th Ave & Prospect Park West)
Real Estate Agency: Sotheby’s
What it's like: This “charming two-plus bedroom parlor-level co-op” sits on an equally charming street. The abode boasts a small terrace, stacked washer/dryer, wood-burning fireplace and PLENTY of closet space (my shoes will be the judge of that, ok?).
Why you might want this place: Because you work from home, have a child and want to take advantage of the “two-plus” bedroom.
Why this place might suck: While the inside has a sparkly modern finish, the face of the brownstone could use some serious sprucing.
Location: 249 16th Street, 2A (5th Ave and 6th Ave)
Real Estate Agency: Corcoran
What it's like: 1 bedroom, 1 bath in “Sunny South Slope” with just enough bells and whistles: washer/dryer, through-wall A/C, storage, and the ever important bike storage.
Why you might want this place: Because you’ve always wanted to live a block from the Grand Prospect Hall. I can see all of your dreams coming true RIGHT NOW.
Why this place might suck: The realtor’s pictures show an ideal world where parents and child can co-habitat in a 1 bedroom. We all know better….
Location: 47 Lincoln Place (5thAve & 6th Ave)
Real Estate Agency: Warburg Realty
What it's like: Spectacular. We’re talking a 2700sf duplex loft with 25ft ceilings and 2 outside terraces with views of Brooklyn and Manhattan. It's loft style, so be prepared to BYOB – Build Your Own Bedrooms. Parking and storage are included and your dog Sparky is welcome, just make sure to call for a private viewing.
Why you might want this place: Because you really need a skyline view to enhance your meditation practices. Also, because you hate walls.
Why this place might suck: I see no reason why this place would suck. None.
Location: 773 Union Street (5th Ave & 6th Ave)
Real Estate Agency: Corcoran
What it's like: A brownstown triplex with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and enough outdoor space to satisfy tree huggers and BBQers alike. It’s the little things with this place – the exposed brick walls, the DOUBLE vanity bathroom, the walk-in closet and a media room fully fitted for your geeking out.
Why you might want this place: Because you hate going to movie theaters. Because you hate that your boyfriend/roommate/dog continues to leave a toothpaste stain on your shared bathroom sink EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
Why this place might suck: Lots of outdoor space + lots of below ground living space just begs for critters.
Location: 4th Ave & Butler
Real Estate Agency: Citi Habitats
What it's like: For everyone who has looked at the new construction buildings on 4th Ave and wanted a peek inside -- here’s your chance. This is a 2 bedroom, 2 bath with a “Juliette” balcony, washer/dryer, high ceiling, “abundant” closets and some admittedly stunning rooftop views. You get all the perks of a Manhattan luxury building, just with a slight discount.
Why you might want this place: Because you are a sucker for a little luxury…and a pet spa.
Why this place might suck: 4th Avenue. Luxury is sweet, but heavy traffic noises are not.
Location: Prospect Ave (4thAve and 5th Ave)
Real Estate Agency: Betancourt Real Estate
What it's like: It's like the bachelor pad of Dr. Evil and a German carpenter from the 90s. Strange as it may be, this “modern” 3 bedroom apartment in South Slope is fully equipped with A/C, washer/dryer, dishwasher and TWO kitchen refrigerators. No fear, the black leather couches and FIVE flat screens come included.
Why you might like this place: Because you are Dr. Evil, a German carpenter from the nineties, a germaphobe or a man.
Why this place might suck: Because you’ll constantly have to convince the dates you bring home that you do NOT in fact live in a morgue. Also, all of that sleek whiteness can't be good for one's eyes.
Location: 16th street (4th Ave & 5th Ave)
Real Estate Agency: Brooklyn Property
What it's like: It's like most of the apartments you are currently sitting in reading this article. Bedroom, office, nice-sized living room, kitchen, bath, impossibly creaky hardwood floors and a non-functioning fireplace. Good location, great area and fingers crossed a decent super.
Why you might like this place: Because it feels like home. Because you can afford it.
Why this place might suck: Probably heating problems, strange noises, annual rodent visitors and knowing that you’ll likely be moving within a year. But hey, it’s home for now.