I don't have to tell you twice that I fucking love sitting on Missed Connections. (Which, as I remain single becomes increasingly sadder, but we won't really deal with that right now, k?) Trolling last night--for you guys, of course--I landed on this (unsanitary) shit:
"After a bumpy ride from Bed Bath and Beyond, I sat down in front of you. You got a little too close, but I figured it was because the train was getting crowded. The crowd eased up a bit, and so did you. You grabbed yourself once. You grabbed yourself twice. I figured you were sweaty. You grabbed yourself a third, fourth, a fifth time. I figured you were REALLY sweaty. You grabbed yourself a sixth and seventh time. I thought you had a STD. You grabbed yourself an eighth, ninth and finally tenth time - all between Smith and Ninth Street and Fourth Avenue. I know you have an STD. I know you are a creep. You got off at 7th Avenue, or maybe earlier."
I also know I don't have to tell you twice how much the F train causes me intense pain, though, apparently, not as much pain as this dude is going through. I would like to add that ladies as a whole are not staring at your shit, but if you stick it in our faces, you leave us with no choice.
So, which one of you is the STD-infested creepy crotch grabber? And, who of you have gotten an STD from him? Not this chick, with her AP-style honed omission of the Oxford Comma, that's for sure.
Remember kids, use a condom.