Fuck this writing thing. I've found my new calling: competitive eating. Of course, I'm not a Japanese dude, and I'm basically done in after a slice and a half of pizza. But no matter. I'll be getting my start* at the Barrio Taco Eating Contest.
Yes, let me say it again: BARRIO TACO EATING CONTEST.
Thursday, March 18, drag your asses down to 210 Seventh Avenue (you know, that gigantic pink and orange place that's equally as offensive to the eyes as it is freaking delicioso) at 7pm. Bring a shit ton of antacid. Only rule: first clean plate wins.
I've always found eating contests (Wikipedia says "competitive eating" is actually a thing) to be the most repusive thing in the word. Like, I physically shudder every time I pass the countdown clock at Nathan's on Coney Island. But there's something about Coop-crazed, latte sippers stuffing their faces with upscale fair that tickles me pink (and orange, I guess).
You game? Email Barrio to let them know you're in. Prize is a $100 gift certificate, and I guess the glory of being the grossest yuppie on the Slope. I promise up and down I will post photos if you send them to us.
*This is a gigantic lie.