[Trying to Get Fucked] In Park Slope

This is an ongoing series in which we attempt to bring you lots 'o different perspectives on what its like to *actually* live in Park Slope...from readers just like you (or not--that's the whole point).

This week's column is special cause its gonna go down all regular-n-shit, once-a-week style: meet our own Jew-cy, randy, "can I get some action up in herrre, plz!," Park Slope hetero: "Mark*" (*names have been changed to protect the soon-to-be-fucked).

I've been fucked in Park Slope, and I wouldn't mind it happening again. Soon, preferably.

I've lived here for five years; through long-term relationships, long-distance flings (read: Williamsburg), and long-lasting dry spells. I've been dry for months now. The longest since I awkwardly convinced my first girlfriend a decade ago that having sex with me was a good idea (it wasn't). I'm ashamed to say that the last time I saw a girl naked was September.

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Beet Needs to Hire One More Fucking Person.

Beet thai kicks ass, and they've got a 100% secure spot in our family's order-in rotation. That being said, every time I call them at delivery rush hour it ends up sounding like a Wall Street margin call.

HelloBeetThaiKaiHelpYouCANYOUHOLD!

The woman who picks up the phone literally sounds like what I'd imagine a stock broker would sound like these days. (I wouldn't know because they've already taken all my money so I don't get to talk to them anymore.)

OkFreshSaladRollANDTHEN????
OkANDTHEN??????
AND THEN?????

Calm the fuck down lady, YOU'RE MAKING ME FORGET MY WIFE'S NOODLE.

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Who Wants To Move to Miami?

Cause the dude who owns this house wants to come to Brooklyn. And on days like today, as I trudge through the revolting, post coital wet spot that is the streets of NY, this sort of shit begins to sound very fucking appealing.

And then I remember that I hate the living crap out of Florida.

(via Curbed).

Brooklyn = Snowy [Buzz]

(image via Gothamist)

+ Check out the Idiotarod this weekend (espesh the C.O.B.R.A Team!) (Brooklyn Based)

+ This might be the most magnificent Brooklyn tree I ever did see. (New to York)

+ If you're feeling a bit like "yes we did...now what" join up with the Continue The Change Service Fair (OTBKB)

+ Meet a jogging banana (Eat Me Daily)

+ Donate your stuff to a Greenpoint Soup Kitchen...they're taking anything you don't want (cd's, books, clothes). (Williamsburg is Dead)

+ Gothamist is looking for interns. (Gothamist)

BLOCK-OFF! 5th Ave [btwn 15th & 14th] vs. 5th Ave [btwn 14th & 13th]

In my efforts to review every single block of Park Slope, I’ve decided to start by working my way down 5th Ave, 7th Ave’s drunker, sluttier cousin.

Today we’re pitting 5th Avenue from 15th Street to 14th Street against 5th Avenue from 14th Street to 13th Street by superficially & off-handedly judging their collective block merits. At the end, only one block will be left standing & that block will win the coveted BEST DAMN SLOPE BLOCK ON THE BLOCK award…let the unscientific judging begin!

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