FIPS Parenting Tip #2: Always Check Your Kid's Homework

Some 4th grade class was supposedly making pictures of what they wanted to be when they grew up.

The teacher saw this picture and freaked- but here's how the mom responded:

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Chase

Pretty funny, but it's obviously fake:

1. The printing on the drawing looks too neat.
2. No fourth-grader in the United States would publicly use the word Mommy for fear of a classmate beatdown
3. Mrs. Jones? Nga Plz.

Meh, I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt - maybe it's a re-enactment. In any case, check your kid's damn homework.

MISS TRANSIT AUTHORITY: 2 train, Wall Street to Eastern Parkway; 3:49 am, Saturday

You probably though MTA stood for "Metro Transit Authority," but round here it stands for "Miss Transit Authority." Every couple of weeks, Nadine (aka MissTA) will take you for a ride on the rails (or, fuck it, on a bus) like you've never taken before. Whenever possible, real pics and names will be used to embarrass people, cause what do we care?

You know that moment on the subway? After the spirited exit from a bar, a cab deemed too decadent until the foot shifting, buzz-flattening 20 minutes on the platform, the preview to a late-night MTA funhouse? And you look at your phone, see you left the party 58 minutes ago, noting you're not drunk OR home? Not home at all?

This slumping gentleman is in Acceptance, the 5th stage of grief for his Saturday night, and his emotional voyage was more remarkable than any of the surrounding metropolitan horrors I could capture.

Click to read more ...

BREEDER vs. BALLER: Your Kid's Fork Is In My Motherfucking Soup: Restaurant Wars

Each week we will attempt to bring you the unbiased, unedited points-of-view of a bonafide, ginuwine Park Slope Breeder (mom/dad) and a real deal, smokin, sexin, drinkin Park Slope Baller (child free-n-lovin it) on a variety of topics. Identities will remain anonymous, of course, to protect the soon-to-be lynched.

Click to read more ...

Brooklyn = Pink [Buzz]

+ Marty Markowitz is coo coo for cocoa puffs, er, I mean he held a "funeral" for the M and R lines today. So, yeah...uhm...that happened (City Room)

+ Nunu Chocolate opens in Brooklyn (Gothamist)

+ Palazzo Chupi's new website! (Curbed)

+ Arrested Development Movie is AWN (Buzzfeed)

+ Brownstoner is on Twitter (and so are we) (Brownstoner)

+ Take the Brooklyn Tunnel Tour (Brooklyn Hall of Fame)

Peeing in Your Boss's Snapple is: a. Hilarious b. Disgusting c. Inevitable?

(image via Brooklyn Paper/Allyse Pulliam)

Urban Alchemist has been running an art exhibit called Dirty Secrets. Basically you write down a deep/dark/dirty secret on a piece of paper and then they hang it in their front window.

1. Rad!
2. Which one of our FIPS readers "felt so put upon by his bosses that when they went on vacation, he urinated in their Snapple bottles and then watched in glee when the bosses drank from them days later?"

(Daily Intel via Brooklyn Paper)