Uhm, are my eyes deceiving me, or is this a MUSIC VIDEO by a RAPPER named Park Slope, who is practically masturbating with a Segway as fly ass bitches in little daisy duke shorts watch on?
You people suck. Literally (or so I hear), and figuratively.
While you're busy BALLING and beauty sleeping, we parents are suffering.
4 fucking 36 am: an ungodly hour that will live on in infamy in my house, for this is the exact time my bleary eyes registered as my rug rat woke us up with a joyous shout of “Merry Christmas” and demanded that we come open presents immediately.
Merry Fucking Christmas, to all my fave non-Heeb bitches-n-bros. I got a present for y'all that's so good, it could potentially make allllll that time you're spending with your annoying fucking family right now *mostly* kinda worth it.
Behold: our brand spankin' new advice column from my favorite dead rap superstar and yours, (Not) Notorious Big.
BOOM! [you're welcome]
Each week, coupla weeks, whenever the fuck he feels like it, Twitter Biggie is gonna answer your most burning questions about life, love and the pursuit of big booty bitches. If you've got mo' problems, Biggie's got mo' money answers.
Okay, I admit it.
In the interest of broadening her knowledge, introducing her to the joys of organic escarole and cheese, getting her to stop calling me and my peeps (peebs?) retarded, I invited Erica to be my guest this morning at the Park Slope Food Coop.
Why in the name of fuck have I never seen these Cookin with Coolio vids before??
Ghetto Gourmet?? Yes, please.
Also, I fucking hate salad eatin' bitches.