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Monday
Apr122010

New York Magazine: We Demand A Retraction

Nate Silver, a statistician known for his uncanny accuracy, has apparently declared Park Slope to be the #1 neighborhood in all of NYC in this week's New York Magazinejust behind the Lower East Side, Sunnyside, Queens and fucking Greenpoint, for chrissakes.

Nabes, according to the Daily News, were evaluated according to "a complicated statistical formula that factors in everything from diversity to safety to nightlife, giving housing affordability more weight than any other category."

I'm telling you now: THIS WILL NOT STAND.

Isn't this place already overrun with enough assholes? Now we need to worry about a new wave of assholes who are probably packing up to move here right now because of this new designation alone? 

Need I remind you, New York Magazine: WE ARE AN OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED TOXIC WASTE ZONE. We are home to some of the most sanctimonious people in the known universe. We shut down disgracefully early. We are overpriced and full of ourselves. You can't count on your favorite coffee joint being open on a Saturday morning because the staff may stage a mass walkout. As one lifer told me last week, "we got no pulse anymore." In short, we are despicable in so many ways I've lost count, so please, PLEASE: don't move here!

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Apr112010

It Happened One Weekend in Park Slope [COFFEE WARS, REALITY TV AND WE WON!]

Ok, has this been the most epic weekend in Park Slope history or what??

Save for that fucking plane crashing into Seventh Ave in 1960, I can't think of another time during which harsh realities have been birthed, worlds have collided and BREEDERS-N-BALLERS have come together in such Earth shattering pandemonius mayhem. It almost feels like an episode of Lost (except I'm just a teensy bit less confused).

So yeah: let me recap as best I can:

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Apr112010

COFFEE WARS: Gorilla Employee Speaks [And It Ain't Pretty]

This is what "ExEmp" had to say for themselves in response to Darlene from Gorilla Coffee's terse explanation of what went down with the Norma Rae employee walkout:

"It's not quite so clear cut as Darlene would like to make it.

Darlene is the owner. Carol is not an owner, but she *is* Darlene's partner.

The mass-quitting is related to a number of promises that Darlene made while Carol was away (including a lessened role for Carol) and was later overturned when Carol returned.

The fact is that Gorilla has more employees walk out on it than all of the other people I have ever heard of walking out on their jobs combined. I've always viewed walking out as and extreme measure, but this is a regular occurrence there.

Why?

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Apr102010

COFFEE WARS: Gorilla Coffee SPEAKS

From one of the Gorilla Coffee owners, Darlene Scherer:

"I can tell you this: last night the entire Gorilla Coffee store staff demanded that one of the business partners be removed. If that happened, they would stay. That was an unreasonable request. As of today, no one has shown up for their scheduled shifts."

Ok people, not much, but there you have it.

If any of the Gorilla Coffee employees wanna chime in, we're all ears!

Saturday
Apr102010

BREAKING: GORILLA COFFEE IS C-L-O-S-E-D!?

I'm going apeshit here.

We got intel from the dudes at Sprudge that Gorilla Coffee had every employee walk out last night on their oppressive hipster-in-chief. Baristas, roasters -- everyone!

I went on a down-n-dirty inFIPStigation this morning, and it's true: Gorilla is indeed closed. I guess indefinitely (???), since there's not a note or anything on the door...

SON OF A BITCH??

Did Gorilla operate a sweatshop in the basement and exploit little Park Slope children, paying them well below international minimum wage? Did the the owner threaten to remove the leather-bound copy of the Communist Manifesto from the window display? No one has spilled the beans on exactly what has happened yet thoug this was a telling comment from Sprudge:

100% true. Everyone gave written resignation and walked out after the tyrants refused to comply with basic respect. How long this will last and whether or not an agreement will be reached is still yet to be answered. But the baristas (former rather) of Gorilla Coffee deserve much props for their guts. Norma Rays of coffee!

And so I'm left sad...confused...and wondering while sipping on my April 7th roast with the cupping notes of raisin, almost, blood orange, and chocolate.

So, you tell us! Is this IT for Gorilla?? Anyone got the 411?

(p.s. If any of the disgruntled Gorilla employees wanna get in touch with FIPS and share their side of the story, email us! effedinparkslope at gmail dot com).

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