Q: Pay The Mortgage or Get A New Vibrator? A: Get A New Vibrator (Obvs)

Retail stores are closing (goodbye Circuit City), magzines are folding (don't even get me started on Domino), and restaurants are shuttering (NoNo Kitchen is no mo), but there's one thing you sexy bitches refuse to give up, apparently: your vibes:

"And at the sex-toy mini-chain Babeland, to the owners’ own surprise, it is the “luxury vibes”—sophisticated, often programmable vibrators with a price point of $125 and up—that are proving to be a recession-era blockbuster. September through December sales of those items have doubled compared to the year before. “This is not a beginner’s toy,” says Babeland’s head of publicity. “People are upgrading.” And why not? The very fact of living in this city means our life is guided by pleasure rather than value. Otherwise we’d be living in Philadelphia."

DAYM.

In fact, December was Babeland's best month for sales in their 15 year history!

a. This totally fucking rules.

b. I'm adjusting my birthday wishlist accordingly.

(via Gothamist)

Calling All MILF's and/or Other Park Slope Sexy Bitchez: Free Boudoir Photos

Consider this like a post Vday candy sale at Rite Aid:

"Hi Brooklynians -

I would like to build a boudoir portfolio & would love to shoot you for FREE.

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Why Does Rite-Aid Suck At Everything But Getting Rid of My Discount Valentines Candy

I swear to Christ that the CEO of Rite Aid Corporate must have personally come to 5th street Sunday morning to oversee this operation: the goddamn Easter candy was in like a shot.

I'm so fucking pissed, because Rite Aid on the day after Valentines Day is usually my Jewish Paradise - I go down to the store first thing in the morning and buy up a bunch of the Lindt chocolates that the goyum are too slow to seize.

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An Apple Store In Park Slope Would Rule My Fucking Face

Before today, I had no earthly clue who Philip Elmer-DeWit was. But as of today, I'd like to nominate his ass for the brand new (cause I just thought of it right now) Park Slope Genius Award.

In his recent piece for Fortune Magazine Elmer-DeWit brings our attensh back to a Racked post from late last year that delves into guessing where Apple might be spreading its retail wings in the BK. 

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BREAKING: Park Slope Dad Gets Laid on Valentines Day

PARK SLOPE, Brooklyn (FIPSNN) - Just kidding: No he didn't.  There's never been a single Park Slope dad, in the 9 year history of Gentrified Brooklyn, that has ever gotten laid on Valentines Day.

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