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Tuesday
Feb092010

FABULOUS IN PARK SLOPE: IT'S HERE!!

Just a few short weeks ago, we all joined into the collective, crowdsourced inquiry regarding whether or not there was any "fabulous" left in Park Slope (hint: there was none)...and yeah, we realized that shit had gotten a *little* depressing around good ole' Park Slob (espesh after I lost that ebay auction for that MOTHERFUCKING CHINCHILLA SLEEVED COAT!), but we pressed on and crossed our fingers that "fabulous" might somehow find its way back to us chumps.

Well, good news, bitches!

Fabulous is HEEEEEEERE!

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
Feb092010

Dog Muggings: AYFKMWTS??

(this is not Lexie)

If you think this friggin recession is over, think again ppl. I mean, how can the recession POSSIBLY be over when shit like this is goin down (FYI, Lexie is a little Westie who lives up the street from us and is buds with Oliver; his mom sent along this note):

"I ran out of milk Sat night at 6.30pm so bundled Lexie up in his little green coat and walked down to Union & 7th to get some milk from Ace Supermarket. I tied lexie to the door (where I could see him through the glass) and grabbed the milk. As anyone who's been in Ace knows, the milk is located right inside the door, so I only had my back turned on Lexie for 10 seconds or so ( I know, I know: people will shout at me for leaving him alone outside and I  never normally do, but I needed some milk!). I was back outside within less than a minute, and when I came out someone had STOLEN THE GREEN COAT off of lexe's back!?.

WHAT. THE. FUCK??? I mean, who does that? 

I thank god the dog coat thief didn't steal Lexie, but I never expected my friggin dog to get mugged!

Lexie is OK post traumatic incident, but I swear to God: if I see someone with a dog in Lexie's green coat you better run in the opposite direction!!"

Ok, see!? How in the fuck can the recession be over if people have now taken to stealing motherfucking dog coats right off of your dog's motherfucking back!?

Un. Be. Lievable.

Monday
Feb082010

Mo Problems, Mo Problems [Puffy-n-Biggie at the Meatup?]

Behold: our brand spankin' new advice column from my favorite dead rap superstar and yours, (Not) Notorious Big.

BOOM! [you're welcome]

Each week, coupla weeks, whenever the fuck he feels like it, Twitter Biggie is gonna answer your most burning questions about life, love and the pursuit of big booty bitches. If you've got mo problems, Biggie's got mo money answers.

In honor of Valentine's Day, we had Big Poppa tackle all of your burning questions about sex-n-dating.

Click to read more ...

Monday
Feb082010

IN-FIPS-TIGATION: THE GOOGLES ARE COMING, THE GOOGLES ARE COMING

After I blogged about 17 PPW last week—and got absolutely NO dirt from you losers—I decided to investigate myself. 

It's true I tend to take vicarious (albeit slightly masochistic) pleasure in the beautiful, fixed-up, FINISHED homes of my neighbors in this great city. I peer in to brownstone windows when I walk my dog in the evening (I especially liked your beautifully decorated Christmas tree on Carroll between Polhemus and Fiske, whoever you are; all those handmade ornaments, no garish glitter or lights in sight); I lap up Apartment Therapy makeovers like ____ (insert your lick-worthy favorite here); I eagerly take the tour when picking up the rug rats at a new apartment.

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Monday
Feb082010

WHO GIVES A SHIT: HOW SEXY DO YOU GET?

I know I'm like a couple of years late on this news - whatever, I've been locked in the Tea Lounge writing this book forever - but a friend just passed me an article from the Daily News that says the average New York woman sleeps with about twenty partners in her lifetime (the rest of the country a paltry nine, in case you're el curioso).  The Daily News compared our sluttoriousness to the "Sex and the City" girls, so BTW, if you ever thought they were whorebags, go give yourself a once-over in the mirror.

Click to read more ...