For those of you who really wanna take this whole BALLER thing to the outer limits, the NY Observer has a wonderful how-to guide on how to be a crack smoking hipster. Cause, you know, "crack is back."
"On my way to meet the Last Crack Hipster, I bought a soda at a bodega around the corner from where he lives in Brooklyn. I must have missed him by a minute. The bodega sells crack pipes, too. Most bodegas in the city do. The pipes used to be disguised as glass tubes, corked at both ends, containing tiny roses. No one bought them for the roses. Now they come in the form of pens: The “straw” that’s normally plastic on a Bic pen is glass. Who wants a glass pen? The pen works, yes. It is genius. At some places, if you ask for a “demo,” you get just the part used for a pipe."
Daym, I have enough trouble finding a bodega that stocks my fucking devil dogs, and these bitches are selling little "crack kits!?"
I mean, that is pretty convenient, though still not quite as convenient as a weed delivery guy. Jus sayin...
You heard it here first BREEDERS. So, if you're smart-assed teen is all "I'm off to the bodega to go grab a crack kit, er snack! Just a snack!," now you'll know what's *really* going down.
(photo via Brownstoner)
*Laytner's Linen & Home - opening up on Union Street between 6th and 7th ave's. They will allegedly be selling expensive sheets, expensive towels and all sorts of other expensive shit that you don't yet know you want, but SOON WILL. Yay! I'll finally have something to do while I wait for late, irresponsible zipcar assholes who can never seem to bring my fucking "Winny" back to the garage on Union on time. (Brownstoner)
*Hog Mountain - no siree, that was not a typo, folks! Hog Mountain is a new dude store for manly, man dudes that opened up on 5th Ave and Sackett. They sell clothing, outerwear, toiletries, and some hardware. 68 fans on Facebook can't be wrong, so I would go man up and check it out pronto. (Brownstoner)
*Provini - we tried it. It's DELICIOUS. <3. It's from the Bar Toto/Bar Tano crew and is on 8th ave and 13thish. Thoughtful, fresh Italian food with a killer beer/wine list. (Brooklynian)
*El Jalapeno - also tried it...also pretty friggin good. If these mofos can steer clear of the passive/agressive signage, this shit might work. (FIPS)
*Little Buddy Biscuit Company - is on 5th avenue across from Eagle Provisions. And despite some confusion, its *not* a dog bakery and its *not* just a biscuit shop (which is what I originally thought). It's a regular ole bakery that sells cookies and scones and all sorts of other delicious, fattening shit. I haven't been there yet, but its ON my list. (Brooklyn Food Blog)
So remember when Provini drew the ire of an angry Park Slope Parent on Yelp? And then it exploded into an angry debate between BALLERS, BREEDERS, and people who just love a good online fight (wanna read a good, albeit out-of-date one? Check this out ).
If you're not already up to speed, the dramarama was based around the fact that some woman wanted to bring her nine-month-old daughter to the restaurant, and called ahead to see if they provided high chairs. Provini said they didn't, but to come anyway. Lady shows up and then gets pissed that there's no room to park her stroller. When she complains, she is told that "Provini is not a child-friendly restaurant."
Cause apparently Daveon8th seems to think so:
"Dear Dram Shop,
It is with a heavy heart that I post this online but you just don't seem to have a clue about the slide that you have taken in the last few months. From the week that you opened to the first time(of many) that I ordered your cheeseburger, or the time that on the eve of our wedding my wife and I took our siblings to hang out for the first time as group. One thing has bothered me consistently. The horrible, out of place music that you play at an absurdly high volume."
The alleged music in question is apparently Feist and Sarah MachLachlan...which, for me is admittedly a little weird (I expected it to be some annoying techno bullshit or something). In truth, I've stilll never tried the burger at Dram Shop because the two times we tried going, the service was so fucking horrendous, we walked out.
So, I guess today I have 3 simple questions: Is the music at Dram Shop really *that* bad? Is the burger at Dram Shop really *that* good? Does the service at Dram Shop *actually* suck a dick, or was I just there on two off days?
You know what to do, people.
Again, answer in the comments (and feel free to go stealth anon if you want some priv-ass-y).