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This Week in WTF: Foreclosures, MJ's Bday Bash, and Horny Judges

Wow, I wish I could have been there for all the hood doings this weekend, but I'm depending on you all to catch the vacationing masses up on "wassabeenup" in Park Slope. (I love you, Meredith, but if I never hear the word "wassup" again, it will be too soon).

Anyway, I'm especially sorry to have missed the 2nd Annual Michael Jackson Birthday Party, hosted by Absolut Brooklynian Spike Lee in the Nethermead. So, I need to know what went down? Or up? Are you going to be getting a poison pen letter from Erica or did you clean up after yourselves? I was unavoidably detained at the Lake Huntington Summer Community Talent Show. Truly, I think I might have preferred being at the MJ bash. But possibly not.

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Erica Reitman, Parenting Columnist?

I ran into the recently axed Smartmom, Louise Crawford in front of PS 321 the other day and we discussed her upcoming road trip to drop off her son at college in Chicago, me having weathered the very same ride just last week when my aunt passed away. Did you know, by the way, that Ohio (NOT NYC) is the bedbug capitol of the US of A? We did not discuss the demise of her Brooklyn Paper column or speak in the third person.

I like Louise. I even liked her edgy writers convention picks. But, I laughed out loud when I saw that the L Magazine (which, btw, i thought was a lesbianic publication), wrote an obituary to Smartmom's column, enshrining it as "the worst column in the history of local papers" and calling for our great FIPS vixen to take over.


Only if she gets to write in the "royal we" and has to write actual, real life  parenting advice!

Personally, my vote goes to ME. Or, if not, that hilarious mom run amok, who I have already told Erica is surely her breeder soulmate.


Who Gives a Shit? Public Restrooms

I have been giving this subject a lot of thought this afternoon as I RUSHED HOME FROM MIDTOWN so somebody I know could take a crap in the peace and tranquility of their own potty.  

I'm not much for public bathrooms myself but, if hard pressed, I wouldn't turn my nose up at MOMA's five star toilets. I sure as SHIT wouldn't hightail it back to Park Slope if needs must.

I mean, between the awesome and a dozen other websites devoted to supplying the needy with a clean crapper, what's the big deal?

And did you know of the many health benefits of squatting? Yes, according to Gawker and Slate, the ultimate authorities on lots of shit, squatting is a cure for everything from Hemorrhoids to Colon Cancer. Why haven't I heard from Katie Couric on this?

But now I think the issue is not only sanitary but shyness because surely this city is divided between those who don't give a shit and those who won't take a shit anywhere but their own throne except under penalty of death.

What lengths would you go to to avoid taking a dump in a public bathroom? How far have you traveled? Is this a male/female thing? A matter of personality? And which are your nabe favorites in a pinch? My vote is the Tea Lounge.


WHASSUP: Weekend of 8/27

Thanks for sending along some pretty sweet shit.  It's all going down this weekend, so here's WHASSUP:

*Friday, August 27: Talk dirty.  Babeland Brooklyn, the Slope's favorite purveyors of all things sexy, host a free dirty talk mini-workshop at 8.  Aphrodesiac drink specials at Melt afterwards, in case you want to make sure that, in a few hours, you're incapable of using what you've learned.  Details.

*Saturday, August 28: Water balloon fight.  Even if you don't "do" North Brooklyn, this is kinda cool.  Greenpoint Open Studios is holding a fundraiser water balloon fight and raffle.  Get wet, benefit artists, win shit.  3 pm, get your info here.

*Sunday, August 29: 5k race.  Kiva New York's holding their Run4Kiva 5k in Prospect Park at 10am.  Info on the race, team, and registration here.

Alternately, you could offer to come over and help alleviate me of my cabin fever, an elaborate ruse for swiping my jars of Percocet.  But, uh, you should probably go do that other shit instead.  Just thinking out loud here.  As usual, add your much, much better ideas in the comments.


Wherin I Talk About Myself And Ask You To Do Shit For Me

So one of the perks of having a website that kajillions of people come to every day that sometimes you get to be selfish and ask for shit. Like right now, for instance.

Remember how I went to that whole SXSW bullshit in Austin last year? Well next year, I want to run a sesh there with my bud @PatriceC, and so we submitted one: How to Be a Badass Online. Needless to say, this panel will rule your face so hard it might just cause it to explode. Only hitch is, we need peeps to vote for us in order to get it through to the next round. And the bigger hitch is that in order to vote you have to fucking register for an account which, yes, is RETARDED. True story.

Anyhoo, you-n-me are all tight now and since I provide your ass with supa fly fresh content every day, maybe you can provide my ass with a motherfucking vote? Please? I swear I'm worth the 49 seconds it will take you to do this. And gigantic fucking bonus for anyone who wants to leave a comment...espesh if its one that doesn't say: ERICA IS AN ASSHOLE AND I WOULD NEVER GO TO ANY STUPID FUCKING PANELS OF HERS.


I'm teaching this class at Mediabistro this Fall: Intro to Blogging. And if you have any interest whatsoever in learning how to blog hard, you should totally sign up. And even if you don't want to sign-up, you should tell your friends about it. Or write about it on your blog...or Tweet about it. Cause even though I've never taught a class before in my life, I'm hoping guaranteeing this one won't suck.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.