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MORE New Park Slope Restos

photo: BrownstonerHope you bitches are hongry, cause there are like 10 new Park Slope restaurants sheduled to open every day for the rest of the month. Ok, fine, not 10, but shit be poppin around here:

  • There is a new bagel place opening a block away from the N. Slope La Bagel Delight: Bagel Market. This confuses me, except the owner claims they are going to ALSO have Hale & Hearty soups, a salad bar and sit down eating. Ohhhhkay, then why the fuck do you also need bagels? Why not just go the salad route? WHY WON'T ANYONE OPEN UP A MOTHERFUCKING SALAD PLACE AROUND HERE??? WE NEED A CHOPT OR SOMETHING! (via Brownstoner)
  • Naruto Ramen, a Japanese noodle joint on the UES plans to open up another spot in the old 3R Living space on 5th Ave. (via Zagat)
  • Maria's Mexican Bistro on Union has now magically morphed into Mama Rosa Latin Bistro, thanks to the owners of Los Politos III that are taking this shit over. The food is allegedly gonna be more Colombian/Spanish influenced. (via Zagat)
  • Rob Blatt told me there was a South Brooklyn Pizza opening up next to Cherry Tree on 4th Ave.
  • I haven't seen any pics yet, but a tipster told me that there was a note on Bussaco's door about how they're now getting sued for a million billion dollars.

I'm vaguely intrigued by this Ramen place, but other than that I sort of don't care. Mostly, I guess, because as hard as it allegedly is to run a restaurant and make any fucking money, I'm blown away by the fact that NO ONE seems to ever: take a look at the neighborhood; see what's mising or needed; and then meet that need. It's all just pizza joints, bagel shops and bullshit that we've all seen before (NOTE: for ideas about what bitches around here *actually* would like to see, the readers of FIPS have made a handy dandy list).


WHASSUP: Upcoming Stuff in September, Part Une

I haven't left my fucking apartment in days and have sort of forgotten there's an outside world, but apparently there is, and apparently there's shit happening in it.  So here's a lineup of several things I'm bitter your asses can do:

*Sunday, Sept 5: Walk around Coney.  Guided walking tour of historic Coney Island with a look at landmarks and architecture. 11a.m., rain or shine.  Free with suggested donation. Their site's not updated for this one, but the meeting place deets are the same as these.

*Friday, Sept 10: Music and foosball.  Wylie Toms and Third Wheel Band serenade you at Bar 4 on Seventh Ave.  It's free, and you can get the details here.  In related news, people still use MySpace.

*Sunday, Sept 12: Sunday night funnies.  "Nothing to Declare" at Union Hall with Hannibal Buress, Morgan Murphy, and Mike Lawrence.  Tickets here.  FYI: Eugene Mirman Comedy Fest follows right behind on the 16th-19th.

*Monday, Sept 13: A taste of Brooklyn.  Metromix's Hot Plates Live at the Bell House.  Sample eats from BK vendors, including Slope's own Benchmark and Fornino.  Preview the vendors here, and get reasonably priced tix here.  See you there, even if I have to crawl.

Even though most of this is next week material, I'll still post about WHASSUP, so keep sending along stuff, and add your own jams in the comments, per usual.



FIPS reader, Princess Pony Party Amazing, called our attention to this exclusive party invite:

Exceptional Eyecare. Incredible Eyewear. AND FREE “BABYSITTING”!!!

That’s right BREEDERS, cancel your nanny, cause the eye doctor has a new hobby (other than his self-proclaimed passion for working with Dry Eye Sufferers)...Taking care of your kiddies! What child doesn’t love going to the doctor? Park Slope Eye is turning their clinic into a mini movie theatre for your obnoxious children, in order to conduct cray cray eye science experiments on them, thank you for your patronage.

And what will you be doing during your off time? GETTING WASTED, LADIES!!!! On a Mini Mommy Vaca!!!
They have even provided you with the name of the closest happy hour, so if the kid by mistake performs Lasic eye surgery on someone, you can come reverse that shit pronto.

Ok, so there might be a chance that Park Slope Eye is secretly planning to dry your little one’s eyes out so that the doctor can get all passionate and whatev about fixing them. BFD. The more important issue is what four-year-old wants to sit all the way through Up? That movie had me crying within the first ten minutes.

Did anyone send their kid to this? Are their eyes all fucked now or did they come back normal? Is Park Slope Eye turning this hang sesh into a weekly event, because sign me up DUH.


You Rock, Neal Block! Whoever you are...

When approached by AM New York for an off-the cuff-reaction to Tiger Woods move to NYC, Park Slope GOD Neal Block, aged 30, had this to say...

"Tiger Woods is free to live wherever Tiger Woods wants to live. It neither pleases nor upsets me in any way," said Neal Block, 30, of Park Slope. "I look forward to running into him at Scores."

And to think, this is the first I've heard about the "legendary gentleman's club" Scores.

Can I nominate Neal Block for Park Sloper of the week? 

Come get your honorary FIPS mug.


Another Little Piece of Gary Shteyngart, Now, Baby

I'm among the throngs who've just cracked open Gary Shteyngart's newest, Super Sad True Love Story.  (On a totally unrelated note, turns out reading In Cold Blood while fighting off an anesthesia hangover is basically the worst idea ever.)

Anyway, in an interview with NY1, clearly the only news channel after my own heart, turns out Mr. Fancy Pants Bestseller himself accidentally gifted his reject pages to my own fine avenue in our beloved little neighborhood: 

Shteyngart says he was so upset with an early version of his first book that he chucked it -- 500 pages in the garbage. One problem though, the bag broke as it was being carried out to the dumpster.

"Seventh Avenue in Park Slope was covered with my manuscript from one end to the other, pages fluttering around. Stupidly I put Gary Shteyngart at the top of every page if some editor should see it. My friends would walk around and say 'Page 230 is looking pretty good here,'" says Shteyngart.

Did I find any of these pages floating around?  No.  If I had, would I have paused for a moment and considered turning them in to my agent?  No comment.

Sure, Gary doesn't live 'round here (Gary, we're on a first name basis, FYI), but I'm thinking that JSF better watch his back.  I have a hunch we're all in the mood for a new literary sweetheart.  Also, use better trash bags, gang.

(Image via Marny Smith)