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Thursday
Jul082010

"PARKSLOPE:" Yer Doin' It Wrong

We've got a new neighbor in town, Center Slopers: the Parkslope Eatery.  Yes, as I am used to filtering my life through an AP Stylebook and painstaking line edits on a daily basis with my real world job, I cringe as I write "Parkslope."  I suppose I won't ask the question as to whether these guys are locals.

I've been watching this place get built for a while, and, as I walked by the other day and saw it'd opened up (Seventh Ave at 5th Street), I became irrationally angry at its sign.  (My lack of a life/where I expend my emotional effort is not a point of contention with regards to this post, so move right along, please.)  I'm willing to forgive these guys because a cursory peek inside revealed a make-your-own-salad counter (though I've yet to try it, or even walk in for that matter), but I guess take this as a word of advice to you potential business owners: Like, use spell check 'n' shit.

Anyone have any additional details on this joint?  Thumbs up/down?

Wednesday
Jul072010

Fucked in Prospect Park? MIH Heatwave BBQ, The Sequel

Any of you OG's around here may recall the MIH Heatwave BBQ last summer around this time in Prospect Park. For those that need to be caught up, here's what went down:

Some co, MIH Ventures, threw a GIGANTIC BBQ in the park, without a permit, and then had the audacity to leave that bitch looking like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Trash was E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E and I mean everywhere. The park looked like it got date raped after some sorority party, and it literally took a team of volunteers days to get it looking like normal again. Needless to say, the Parks Dept was none too pleased, and our lil ole post got over 100 comments from various, angry-n-pissed off BKers.

Well a crafty FIPS reader has done her research and alerted us to the fact that this shit is going down AH-gain this Sunday, July 18th.

Jayzus.

Ok, I've got a few questions:

  1. Do these MIH Venture bitches have a permit this time around??
  2. If they DO have a permit, HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET ONE after the shitshow that was left last year?
  3. If they *do* have a permit, and the Parks Dept was smoking crack long enough to actually issue them one, what measures are being taken this year to avoid turning Prospect Park into a rotting garbage barge again?

UPDATE: They do have a permit!? Uhm, how???

People are already getting pissy about this (myself included) and the damn thing hasn't even gone down. So fine: If MIH Ventures HAS gone ahead with plans to be responsible, manage their trash and not act like a little bitch this year, then I will stand corrected.

But as of now, know this: we are watching you "Heatwave BBQ"...and we're ready to bring down the wrath of Khan on your asses if you leave our park looking like Three Mile fucking island.

You've been warned.

Wednesday
Jul072010

'I Love My Children. I Hate My Life' [I Love My Life. And Hate Your Children]

So, duh: clearly, I've got shit to say about New York Mag's cover story: Why Parents Hate Parenting.

I read it this morning on the subway with gusto, and if I'm being really honest, it was hard to get through it without already envisioning the comments that any perspective I shared would generate. I'm guessing shit is pretty much gonna go down like this: I'm gonna post some bullshit about why I love being a BALLER so damn much, and then the floodgates are gonna open. We're gonna get:

*regular group of FIPS BALLERS who offer up some "hells yeahs" and online high-fives.
*regular group of FIPS BREEDERS who are like "yeah, maybe for some people, but this is SO not how it is for me"...I LOVE being a parent and all scientists are whack!
*random group of fly by nighters who find out about this post on PSP or some shit and have to throw in their two cents about how pathetic and lonely my life will be cause I choose not to have kids (and all scientists are whack!)
*Winston throwing in a comment about dog shit

Here is a basic synopsis of the article: ALL EVIDENCE, EVERYWHERE, EMPIRACALLY POINTS TO THE FACT THAT MOST PARENTS ARE TOTALLY FUCKING MISERABLE 99.9% of the time. These are *not* my scientific experiments, ppl. These are the cold, hard, facts. There was one lil ole study a few years ago that everyone was jerking off to that FINALLY offered up evidence that parents are actually happier than non-parents, but oopsie! The scientist who conducted the experiment realized a few months later that all of his data was jacked, and as it turns out all the parents were still totally fucking suicidal.

Click to read more ...

Wednesday
Jul072010

Fracked In Park Slope

As I know I've said before (and it bears repeating, because you people are a little slow on the uptake), we weekend farmers have been sounding the alarm for a while now that BP's oil spill is going to look like small potatoes compared to the calamity on its way to a cup of water, a country house, and apparently a bagel near YOU.

That's right, it's not just me yelling from the wilderness--the Terrace Bagels dude is now on board too. Maybe he too has a weekender in the Borscht Belt? And, fuck, what would the world (fine, NYC) come to without bagels? I don't know, bagels may be as essential as water. And apparently, vice versa. 

So, when I last left off, I was getting a good lather on about Governor Paterson's craven support for digging 50,000 natural gas drilling wells throughout upstate New York, using the scary-ass sounding “Halliburton technique” (aka fracking).

Click to read more ...

Tuesday
Jul062010

Mid-Year Check-In: How're Those Resolutions?

Because you're not totally fucking over fireworks already.  (Photo: NY Mag)

Maybe I spent too much time around my folks this weekend (or the Tea Lounge stroller brigade has really done a number on me), but I'm feeling the urge for a motherly check-in: How are those New Year's Resolutions going, gang?  We've officially been fucking around for half of 2010 (how the hell did that happen?) so, accordingly, you should be halfway done with your self-improvement projects.

I, for one, didn't comment with my resolution (in my desperate but futile attempt to keep my love life off the internet), but I'm spotless on my keep-your-exs-as-exs vow to self.  The other shit's still a work in progress.  And now the spotlight's on you, you supermodel-body-wanting, Diet-Coke-addicted Slopers: How are you all doing?  And is your 2010 blowing way less so far than 2009?

Let's chat, since it's Tuesday but sort of Monday but actually Tuesday oh god where's my desk calendar I'm useless this morning.