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Tuesday
Aug312010

STFU Marrieds? The Newlywed Game Is Casting

Are you a disgustingly cutesy, newly married Park Slope/NYC couple desperate for a free trip ANYWHERE but here?

If so, you should totes apply for the new Newlywed game.

Here are the deets:

*You must be married less than two years

*Have great personalities (which true confessions, already eliminates about 50% of our commenters)

*And be able to attend a show taping in NYC.

If you're down with all this bullshit and want to make a fool of yourself on national TV cable TV, send an email with your names, date of wedding, current city and state, and contact email and phone numbers to: castingnewlyweds@gmail.com

Hurry up, ppl...if you've been married for 2 years already your baby making window of opp is wiiiiide open, so you wanna get in this embarrassing reality TV shit over with before you start a fam and have to show up at fucking PTA meetings-n-crap.

Monday
Aug302010

The Culture of Narcissism

This is just TOO fucking perfect.

And no, this is not a staged photo, ppl. This book was just innocently sitting there on a Park Slope stoop around the corner from my apt. And while narcissism was not, in fact, on Nate Silver's little handy dandy statistical matrix that helped him and NY mag decide that Park Slope was the best nabe in the entire fucking universe, I'm guessing we'd probs be the "best" at that too.

Can someone pls just immeds nominate this for Park Slope photo of the week? Eh fuck it, the century?

Monday
Aug302010

This Week in WTF: Foreclosures, MJ's Bday Bash, and Horny Judges

Wow, I wish I could have been there for all the hood doings this weekend, but I'm depending on you all to catch the vacationing masses up on "wassabeenup" in Park Slope. (I love you, Meredith, but if I never hear the word "wassup" again, it will be too soon).

Anyway, I'm especially sorry to have missed the 2nd Annual Michael Jackson Birthday Party, hosted by Absolut Brooklynian Spike Lee in the Nethermead. So, I need to know what went down? Or up? Are you going to be getting a poison pen letter from Erica or did you clean up after yourselves? I was unavoidably detained at the Lake Huntington Summer Community Talent Show. Truly, I think I might have preferred being at the MJ bash. But possibly not.

Click to read more ...

Monday
Aug302010

Erica Reitman, Parenting Columnist?

I ran into the recently axed Smartmom, Louise Crawford in front of PS 321 the other day and we discussed her upcoming road trip to drop off her son at college in Chicago, me having weathered the very same ride just last week when my aunt passed away. Did you know, by the way, that Ohio (NOT NYC) is the bedbug capitol of the US of A? We did not discuss the demise of her Brooklyn Paper column or speak in the third person.

I like Louise. I even liked her edgy writers convention picks. But, I laughed out loud when I saw that the L Magazine (which, btw, i thought was a lesbianic publication), wrote an obituary to Smartmom's column, enshrining it as "the worst column in the history of local papers" and calling for our great FIPS vixen to take over.

Ha!

Only if she gets to write in the "royal we" and has to write actual, real life  parenting advice!

Personally, my vote goes to ME. Or, if not, that hilarious mom run amok, who I have already told Erica is surely her breeder soulmate.

Friday
Aug272010

Who Gives a Shit? Public Restrooms

I have been giving this subject a lot of thought this afternoon as I RUSHED HOME FROM MIDTOWN so somebody I know could take a crap in the peace and tranquility of their own potty.  

I'm not much for public bathrooms myself but, if hard pressed, I wouldn't turn my nose up at MOMA's five star toilets. I sure as SHIT wouldn't hightail it back to Park Slope if needs must.

I mean, between the awesome sitorsquat.com and a dozen other websites devoted to supplying the needy with a clean crapper, what's the big deal?

And did you know of the many health benefits of squatting? Yes, according to Gawker and Slate, the ultimate authorities on lots of shit, squatting is a cure for everything from Hemorrhoids to Colon Cancer. Why haven't I heard from Katie Couric on this?

But now I think the issue is not only sanitary but shyness because surely this city is divided between those who don't give a shit and those who won't take a shit anywhere but their own throne except under penalty of death.

What lengths would you go to to avoid taking a dump in a public bathroom? How far have you traveled? Is this a male/female thing? A matter of personality? And which are your nabe favorites in a pinch? My vote is the Tea Lounge.