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Thursday
Jul292010

Park Slope Moms Are Disgusting Slobs

Don't shoot the messenger, ppl. I'm just dropping some truth bombs on your faces straight from my #1 fave Park Slope blog: Fabulous in Park Slope (faux FIPS).

As you'll recall, Courtney from Faux FIPS is on a quest to rediscover where in the HAYLL all the fabulous is hiding out in our fine ass neighborhood. And newsflash: for those of you keeping track, you should note that there ain't no fabulous whatsoever atop the poorly dyed, probably unbrushed heads of all the moms here in Park Slob:

"I have noticed that my neighborhood mamas have not taken responsibility for their stray grays. Having darker hair like I do, it's is more difficult to cover those wiry strands but not impossible! It's a simple wash, you can even do it yourself (although I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have Eduardo give you a head massage). I think that it's the honorable thing to do."

Uhm, could I have said it any better myself? Not in a million billion years.

Also, let's be honest: it really IS the honorable thing to do ladiez. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! Cause I for one don't want to spend another red hot minute looking at your granny fly aways as you breeze by me with your Bugaboos on your way to Kidville. Ugh!

Anyway, why would you not color your hair? Coloring your hair *might* even give you crunchy, square-rimmed glasses wearing four-eyed moms some teeny tiny hope of actually getting noticed! But probably not, so don't get your hopes up!

"Mamas, this can turn back years; brighten your skin tone and make those blue eyes seen through the square rimmed glasses!"

Not to worry, though! Cause just in case you do find yourself in this granny haired Park Slob club, Courtney offers up a helpful hint: you can probably pick up some non-toxic, vegan, organic hair dye during your next Coop shift!

I'm sure that the Food Coop must sell some version of a hair color? Maybe 'Go-Go Green Grays'? 'Henna the Heck outta those Grays'?"

I-n-d-e-e-d.

So, THANK YOU, thank you, a thousand times thank you Faux FIPS, for bringing this very important issue to light!

Wednesday
Jul282010

Missed Connections: Anyone Wanna Play Doctor with a Doctor?

 Another day, another sex-starved Sloper takes to Craigslist to try to solicit some alone time with your genitals.  But like our fave PS Dad, this guy isn't looking for one specific lovely lady--hell, as long as you're short, cute, and D&D free, he's ready for you!

anyone wanna play doctor with a doctor? - m4w - 30 (park slope)

I'm an overworked and undersexed doctor. I work long hours and have little time in the end to expend in finding a partner. I have little tolerance for finding dates in bars or on match.com. Maybe you're in a similar situation only not a doctor. Maybe we can do something about it. So let's cut through all the romance and courting and get straight to the action. I can even play the part with my scrubs and stethoscope. Or maybe you're not in a similar situation but always wanted to play with a doctor.

I think I'm pretty average looking. 5'8" and 160lbs. Relatively sane. And d&d free.

Please be d&d free. Extra points if you're short and cute. Looking for someone in and near park slope.

Email me with a pic if interesteed.

Totally ignoring how proud this dude could potentially make my Jewish grandmother (Relatively sane? What more could a gal want?), I figured I'd be the dating fairy godblogger for all six of you single girls who read this thing.  So, who's suddenly feeling like she needs to get that nasty hacking cough checked out?  Make an appointment with yer very own Park Slope McDreamy. 

Tuesday
Jul272010

Who Gives a Shit: Bedbugs in Park Slope?

Ok, so as we all know by now, I'm more afraid of bedbugs than I am of Britney Spears' hair extensions (and I am VERY FUCKING afraid of those things).

I read the article in NY Mag about the bed bugs invasion on the Upper East Side, while gagging through each page of horrific rich people extermination story. But it got me curious about exactly what is or is not going down in Park Slope?

We've all heard the Pavillion rumors, but what else is going on out there? Have any of you HAD bed bugs? Have your neighbors had bed bugs? I'm not looking for wild rumors, ppl (though those are fun too), but like some actual real world experience.

ARE THESE FUCKERS COMING TO GET ME??

[Feel free to go stealth anon in the comments if you feel like keep things all private-n-shit].

Tuesday
Jul272010

Nothing Says Summer Like Hot Juicy Breasts

Get some at Coco Roco.

(via Eater NY)

Tuesday
Jul272010

WANNA BE A BLOGGER?

Cause I know just the bitch who can teach all your asses how to blog verrrry HARD: m-e!

That's right, ppl...yours truly is going to be teaching an Intro to Blogging class this Fall at Mediabistro and if you take it, I'm pretty sure it will rule your face.

I will share all my tips-n-tricks and maybe you will discover once and for all whether blogging actually totally fucking sucks or totally fucking rules. Also we can make fun of all the FIPS commenters, and do each others hair, and live tweet everything that happens in class...or something like that.

Anyway, for realz: if you want to learn how the christ to put together one of these blogging thingamajiggies and not have it totally blow, sign up.