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Sunday
Aug012010

CRAIGSLIST: I've Got a Roommate for You!

Anyone looking for a change of location?  A reduction in rent?  A naked roommate in a Duane Reade inflatable pool? Well golly gee wilikers, do I have the solution for you!  And what would such an opportunity be without the allure of Brooklyn Craigslist casting its beautiful shadow over this offer?

Although you should visit the original ad and click the photo above for a full look at your potential new bestie, I'm a nice lady, so I'mma break it down for you.  Just the facts:

  • A self-described "large person" who "likes to drink and smoke weed (nearly every day)"
  • Dude's "seeing someone who is waaayyy out of his league," so get ready for some hot hot hot slumber parties!
  • Your new roommate's got his self-image issues under control: "Comfortable with my body and am naked frequently generally when it is hot." And you know he's got manners: He gives you the heads up!
  • Your new digs even come with a pool!  He "bought one of inflatable pools for the back yard and hangs out in it a lot to cool off."  Ultimate refreshment.  
  • A bonus: "The neighbors are friendly and from your room/the back yard you can hear the young couple next door having sex."  Plus, he "enjoys it!"  Well, phewf, that takes care of the awkward stage of finding roommate bonding activities to share!

To top it right off, this guy adores animals and already has some fish.  Hours of fun ahead.  For only $360, this could be yours right this very second!  I just wish I hadn't signed on for my studio apartment back in June!

So, since I'm out of the running, who's ready to do it up at 126 Berkeley Place?!  If only I could quit with these exclamation points, but periods just won't do!

Sunday
Aug012010

Murder and Mayhem In Park Slope

Call me stodgy but I really don't appreciate waking up on Sunday morning to crowbar killings in "the city's most liveable" hood.

Do I need to tell you kids to cut this shit out!?

More scoop from The Daily News here.

Friday
Jul302010

#BlogVacay

Hey, so you know how people take real vacations and sit on beaches-n-go snorkeling and shit? Right, well I'm not doing any of that cause I'm a loser, however, I AM taking a blog vacay starting next week. And you're all invited!

WHO: me
WHERE: here
WHY: Cause blogging totally fucking sucks
WHEN: August 1 through 14th

Here's how this shit is gonna work: I'm not blogging for 2 weeks cause I wanna see what life's like when you get to come home from work and actually have nothing to do. But DON'T PANIC, PPL!

I know the thought of a FIPSless day is far too much for anyone to have to bear, so I've enlisted Meredith, Amanda and Allison to run the fucking show while I'm off making sweet love to my Tivo and re-organizing my closet. So yeah, you'll be well taken care of...and probably won't even miss me. Shit, you might even like it better. And then I'll come back and everyone will be all "uhm...it's not you, it's US" and there will be a big messy coup, Gorilla Coffee style, and you bitches will burn a stroller in front of my apt building or some shit.

IT. COULD. HAPPEN.

Anyway, I'm Audi.

Friday
Jul302010

Hawt Dogs

photo: Gabi Porter for MetromixDogs, dogs, dogs, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah...I know. But suck it the fuck up.

After a hot assed, romp filled Saturday a few weekends ago down at Dog Beach in Prospect Park, Oliver and a bunch of other FIPS-y pups were recently featured in Metromix's new pet-friendly section, Petromix.

Check out all the action HERE and enjoy a few of our faves below:

Allison's long standing wish to pit Oliver up against Ziggy to see who's cuter finally came true...and true confessions: Ziggy *does* look pretty hawt:

image: Gabi Porter for Metromix@allgrownsup's chihuahua Magdalena Gran Reina de Caninas Orozco pretty much stole the whole friggin show.

Gabi Porter for MetromixDo your remember Lexie? The dog who got mugged? He's recovering nicely, and has since joined a motorcycle gang:

Gabi Porter for MetromixThere's way more where that came from in Petromix's rad NYC guide for Pet owners.

Friday
Jul302010

Anarchy on the Q Train Platform

You guys. U GUYZZZZ. Hide your kids and lock up your valuables AGAIN. There's an esoteric crime wave a-washin' over Park Slope. People are losing ebook readers right from their bare hands!

The facts, via eBook Newser (yes, I read this on my own time): "Some jerk snatched an e-book reader from a guy who was waiting on the platform at the Seventh Avenue Q-train station on July 24. The book worm victim told cops that he was reading his Amazon Kindle at around 4 am when another dude walked up to him and said, 'You don't want to see this.' The perp then grabbed the trendy gadget and hopped on a Manhattan-bound train."

Dude really needed to know how The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo ended. But, I guess the lesson learned here is: if you own an iPad, Kindle or Nook, it's obviously best not to leave your home until further notice.