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Tuesday
Aug032010

Why Does Apple Hate BK?

Speaking of laptops, it's official. Apple has dissed Brooklyn. Despite the fact that Park Slope alone must account for the highest per capita Apple product ownership in the fucking world, Apple won't build a gorgeous glass-enclosed shrine anywhere in our borough. 

We're not gentrified enough.

Despite the entreaties of Marty Markowitz (or maybe because of them?), Apple's not biting. 

As a Marty insider told me last week, while ignoring my request for a list of top international freebie junkets staffers were pissed not to have gone on, "BK's mom and pop strips don't appeal to them." And Fulton Mall is still a little too ghetto. Actually, what said staffer said was worse but not for attribution.

I personally am pissed. Staten Island gets an Apple Store but we don't?

All we get is that crap ass Mac Support Store?

Why not give them Modells/PC Richard by the Atlantic Center Mall by eminent domain? That site cries out for a fancy glass building!

What do you think?

Tuesday
Aug032010

LOCK UP YOUR E-READERS AND IPADS, PPL...HARD

photo: Nick Bilton for the NYTIt's your fucking choice Park Slope: either get your e-readers stolen, or banned...there's no in between (that Brooklyn Sandwich shop mentioned in the NYT article is S'nice).

(NYT via Rob Blatt)

Update: So, we got a letter from the owners of S'nice with their side of the story.  The gist: It's hard to make a buck these days, so it's kinda understandable why they do this--check it out:

My husband and I own sNice and we had a lot of discussions before we settled on our computer rules. Here’s how it went down about a year and a half ago: noontime rolls in and nearly every freaking table is occupied by a single person on a computer (there’s fourteen of them—I counted!). My capacity is cut in half because they don’t want to sit with anyone else and no one wants to sit with them. A family comes in who wants to eat and I spot a single empty table so I ask the woman on her computer at the next table does she mind moving so this family can sit together and she says yes she does mind! I was flabbergasted. And that evening my husband and I decided that we needed to do something about this.

What it comes down to is that we sell sandwiches. Most of that happens between noon and three and many days we have a full house. During those hours there are still two tables (about 10 seats) at the large tables where the computers are welcome during the weekdays at all hours. If you sit at that table I will NEVER bother you. And let me tell you, some of the people stay for like nine hours! When the Wall Street Journal wrote about computers in cafes last year they interviewed me in addition to the owner of Naidres. I guess they didn’t quote me because I wouldn’t talk shit about the computers. I said they are all customers and I am happy to accommodate everyone as best as I can.  But I expect them all to respect the fact that we invested a buttload of money and pay a retarded amount of rent to be there. Once I feel like you are shitting on my business I will call you out on that. And that goes for studiers sitting for hours at a time and for people who bring their lunch from elsewhere to eat at my tables and for mommies letting their kids stomp on my plants in the yard. I’ve had words with all of them.

And yes, I know the computer people spend money but look at it this way: if we didn’t force them to sit at the big table during lunchtime they wouldn’t. They would sit at a two top. Alone. During that three hour period they may order a small coffee (often that’s all they get) but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and throw a sandwich on that tab. So they spend maybe $10. In that same period we can flip that table several times, with two people sitting there, and make several times more. As soon as the afternoon comes, the computers spread all over the room again and the riot of lunch turns into the silence of an office and everyone’s happy. And those who aren’t happy with that can find another coffee shop to hang at. I gotta defend my lunch. I have bills to pay.

Monday
Aug022010

Apostles of Park Slope: WTF is this?

 

Apostles of Park Slope is a new indie film that is getting some decent buzz—it just won the Audience Choice Award for Best Comedy at the Manhattan Film Festival, but from this trailer, I have no fucking idea what the hell this movie is about.  All I see is a gravelly-voiced priest, a handlebar moustache, exaggerated accents, goofy font choices, a fat guy named Tiny (hi-larious!). 

What do you think?

Monday
Aug022010

Show Me Your Daytrips! City Slickers Hit the Sticks

It's hard to blog about Park Slope when I am avoiding it as much as possible. So, for the moment, I'm fucked in the Catskills.  Deal with it.

And let's face it: it's just a parallel summer universe of Park Slope anyway. I can't get down the country road but for the 718 t-shirts. And some kids I've never seen before have taken up residence on my goddamn hammock!

Yesterday, in my ongoing quest to broaden junior's horizons, we went mountain-climbing in the Gunks. As you can see, the kid couldn't wait.

Click to read more ...

Sunday
Aug012010

CRAIGSLIST: I've Got a Roommate for You!

Anyone looking for a change of location?  A reduction in rent?  A naked roommate in a Duane Reade inflatable pool? Well golly gee wilikers, do I have the solution for you!  And what would such an opportunity be without the allure of Brooklyn Craigslist casting its beautiful shadow over this offer?

Although you should visit the original ad and click the photo above for a full look at your potential new bestie, I'm a nice lady, so I'mma break it down for you.  Just the facts:

  • A self-described "large person" who "likes to drink and smoke weed (nearly every day)"
  • Dude's "seeing someone who is waaayyy out of his league," so get ready for some hot hot hot slumber parties!
  • Your new roommate's got his self-image issues under control: "Comfortable with my body and am naked frequently generally when it is hot." And you know he's got manners: He gives you the heads up!
  • Your new digs even come with a pool!  He "bought one of inflatable pools for the back yard and hangs out in it a lot to cool off."  Ultimate refreshment.  
  • A bonus: "The neighbors are friendly and from your room/the back yard you can hear the young couple next door having sex."  Plus, he "enjoys it!"  Well, phewf, that takes care of the awkward stage of finding roommate bonding activities to share!

To top it right off, this guy adores animals and already has some fish.  Hours of fun ahead.  For only $360, this could be yours right this very second!  I just wish I hadn't signed on for my studio apartment back in June!

So, since I'm out of the running, who's ready to do it up at 126 Berkeley Place?!  If only I could quit with these exclamation points, but periods just won't do!