@Burklee Carroll, a counter-offer: Shove it up your ass

After a day of back-and-forth that I'm now embarrassed about, Erica and I have decided to publish the following letter.

"Burklee Carroll," let me say just this: you are batshit insane and need medical attention. If you are serious about your threats, do your fucking worst - let's see how your "lawyer" feels about you blackmailing us.

Seriously; shove it up your ass.

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John Hodgman, We Need Your Help

Dear John Hodgman,

As the keeper of all information about everything, I, Park Slope and the FIPS community at large desperately need your help.

A fanciful slash mesmerizing twitter feed has recently materialized for someone who *appears* to be none other than fave PSlope celeb Steve Buscemi. This cyber Buscemi speaks of himself in the third person, hates penguins and even has his own Facebook page! Only problem is, we don't know if its the REALSTEVEBUSCEMI or the FAKESTEVEBUSCEMI.

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An Open Letter to Pole-Leaning Douchebags On The Subway

(via Flatbush Vegan)

Dear asshole fuck on the subway,

I know that you think that because you're wearing a Brooks Brothers suit (ed note: we couldn't find a Brooks Brothers suit wearing ahole...sorry. This Asian one will have to do) with gold cuff links, douchey horn-rimmed glasses, Gucci loafers, and a watch that costs more than my parents' house that you own the place, but look around.

You are on the A train my friend–where all men are created equal.

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IRONIC PARK SLOPE STRIPPERS PRODUCE NON-IRONIC PARK SLOPE BONERS

Holy. Fucking. Ass.

Believe it or not, the above photo was taken on Monday night at a Park Slope establishment. Praise Jesus; would you look at that shit? Never in all my Park Slope history (except maybe for grabbing Leah's ass at the FIPS meetup) have I ever had to run home and rub one out so badly.

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Is It OK To Kill A Penguin If Steve Buscemi Told Me To?

Dear Steve Buscemi,

Lest you think this is a Park Slope blog strictly focused on our local celeb-u-Johns (Turturro and Hodgman), fear not! We love your ass too!

I myself have seen you on two separate occassions at Sette, and once (I think?) walking on 7th Ave near Haagen-Dazs. And Benjamin saw you once with Artie Bucco from The Sopranos at Two Boots (HA!). But something tells me that you and I are going to be "running" into each other a LOT more in the days to come, cause now we're friends in the Twitterverse!

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