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Tuesday
Aug172010

[BITCHY MOM DIARIES] Mini Bugaboos-n-Me

Welcome our newest FIPS whack pack member, Bitchy Mom! Not all bitches are BALLERS, ppl. Take note.

So yesterday I took my kid to the park because I thought he could use a chance to run around after his escape into the bathroom wherein he stuck his hands up to his elbows in toilet water that still had pee in it.

So whatvever.

I went to that park on Berkeley between 4th and 5th Aves. Obvsies, I didn't want to have to talk to any other moms, so I parked my stroller next to some nannies who i knew weren't gonna even look at me let alone engange in conversation. One of the nannies' toddlers had one of those little mini-strollers that they were pushing around. I swear, the sight of all those little kids pushing around those little strollers is enough to make me want to give it all up.

What is wrong with this kids in this neighborhood!? Even the babies are baby obsessed! Kids around here would rather push around a fucking stroller than play on a slide...I don't get it!? But before I could properly process, I saw the horror of all motherfucking horrors: A MINI BUGABOO!!

This thing was being pushed around proudly all up and down the playground by some 3-year-old future overbearing mommy. I was so shocked and horrified, I needed to find out where someone could even buy one of these things, so I googled that shit the second I got home. And what I found was even more disturbing: some DIY HOW-TO GUIDE on Ohdeedoh on how to build your own mini goddamned Bugaboo.

GAG. ME.

Also, did you know the Danish word for END is SLUT. So like, there are hopscotch courses in Denmark and at the end it will just say SLUT. we should have that here. I know it doesn't relate, but those parents need to be taught a lesson.

Monday
Aug162010

BREAKING: Rite Aid Car Crash

Straight from Gogo Gowanus's cell phone comes a blurry pic that indicates that the Rite Aid on 5th Avenue and 10th is providing our nabe with a new, much needed parking spot: IN THEIR FRONT FUCKING WINDOW.

Oopsie.

UPDATE: Fips reader Sarah had a better pic and some scoop: A big crowd was there and the store was roped off with police tape. Lots of people taking photos, lots of police trying to get folks to steer clear of the accident site. Not sure yet what exactly happened, but the front left side of the car is smashed in so maybe some other car ran into it first and made the driver lose control?

Monday
Aug162010

Who Gives A Shit: Ghost Stroller?

photo: @aboutmattlawOk, so there are ghost bikes to commemorate the spots where unlucky bikers sadly lost their lives, and now there is a ghost stroller on the corner of Union and 6th ave to commemorate?? Uhm?

Anyone??

I'm guessing this is some smart assed hipster artist who found a stroller on the street, spraypainted it white and is now commenting on the "death of the neighborhood."

What's your theory?? Anyone have scoop??

Monday
Aug162010

Ode To The Fresh Squeezed OJ At La Bagel Delight

I drank it too quickly to take a real pic...oopsOk, so yes there are spots in Park Slope that *might* have better bagels, and yes the store was clearly laid out by an evil, blind, anti feng shui advocate, but I will fight ANY motherfucker to the death over defending the honor of this fact: La Bagel Delight has the most amazing, other-worldly, resplendent fresh squeezed OJ that has e-v-e-r crossed my motherfuckin lips.

This stuff is like the blow-job of beverages. And this is coming from someone who used to reside in Florida...THE SUNSHINE STATE. The place where almost all oranges come from.

I'm not even really normally an OJ person at all. Like I'll never buy it at the supermarket, and I never order it at a restaurant, but I swear to gawd: I almost committed suicide last weekend when I hopped over to La Bagel on Sat morn and I ordered my juice and they were like "sorry, we don't have any today."

I may have actually started weeping at the counter.

And that's why yesterday, I was sooooo excited to, yet again, be reunited with my OJ and it feels so good, I forgot to take a pic before I drank it all.

Oopsie.

So have you tried this shit?? Can I get a holla??

Monday
Aug162010

Refried Roaches? Purity Diner Shut Down by the Health Department

Hmmmm.

Courtesy of an anonymous Brooklynian (Grand Canyon, is that you?), news of the DOH'ing of Purity Diner for some serious-sounding lapses in purity.

After a city health department inspection Tuesday, the Purity Diner was ordered closed. Violations from 08/10/2010 Inspection 

Violation points: 76 

Click to read more ...