Are you afraid of burglars? Rapists? Roving gang members? Well, save it, cause what allll your asses REALLY should be worrying about is A MOTHERFUCKING RACOON BREAKING INTO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING APARTMENT AND HAVING A BURNING MAN STYLE RAVE IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING KITCHEN.
I thought this shit was fake too, ppl, it was so hard to believe. But after several emails back-and-forth with FIPS reader Jon and his friend Toby (who lives right smack in downtown Park Slope), I too am a believer.
Here's what went down (according to Toby):
I live on the 3rd and 4th floors of a duplex brownstone. The kitchen is on the 3rd floor and my cousin sleeps on that floor. My daughter and I sleep upstairs. My cousin has a small dog and closes her door at night--her air conditioner was on full blast, so she didn't hear anything. When she woke up and opened the door to the kitchen, she saw our silverware drawers out, silverware all over the floor along with oatmeal and other detritus. She thought we'd had a regular burglary until she spotted the raccoon head sticking out of the back of the silverware drawer.