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Disaster Prep For Morons

So, I've been thinking about how woefully unprepared I am for any actual disaster.

When caught in the eye of a twister, for instance, do you REALLY want to fight your way out of the car and lie in a ditch or should you stay put?

I would have thought this was an unlikely scenario for us in Park Slope except....

As it happens, I could probably keep ignoring the whole slightly end-of-days vibe except for a constant stream of reminders in the last 24 hours and the fact that I couldn't think of anything else to write about.

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Opossums are the New Raccoons

Ok, so technically I have not yet heard of any opossum sightings in Park Slope yet, BUT IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, PPL.

The genius powers that be in Brooklyn decided that the best way to deal with our ever alarming rat problem in the borough was to release a crapload of opossums, who would then (logically?) tear the rats apart limb from limb with those big sharp teeth of theirs. Ok, so lemme get this straight: the sweet, non-offensive geese get their own, custom-outfitted WWII gas chamber, and the rats get to fight it out for themselves and go three rounds with the city's crack opossum squad?

Well, gues what btchz? When a rat sees an opossum coming, this is generally what they look like:

The rat's were all singin' Jay-Z songs and takin a ride on the Cyclone as the lazy assed opossums basically caught not a single one of those bitches. Oh also, they started breeding, and now we have A MOTHERFUCKING OPOSSUM PROBLEM IN BROOKLYN TOO.

I have no goddamned clue who wins in an opossum v. raccoon battle royale, but I sincerely suggest someone research that shit pronto.

Oh, and keep your doors locked, ppl: otherwise a rat, raccoon, opossum OR tornado may very well kill you.

(via Daily Intel)


FIPS CARES: Prospect Park Lake Cleanup

You know that big ass lake in the middle of Prospect Park? The one you sit around and make out with random girls who you probably just met that night at Union Hall and over 7 beers and a fried Robicelli cupcake "really felt a connection with?" Yeah, well, it's dirty and it needs to be cleaned, and you should just go help with that shit THIS SATURDAY.

This cleanup actually sounds way more fun than your average cleanup as you get to tool around the lake in pedal boats as you fish dead bodies and geese carcases out of the water (KIDDING! PROBABLY!). Last year, they removed over 400 lbs. of track from the lake and over 1,000 lbs. from the perimeter of the lake, so there's a lot a shit that needs cleanin.

Oh, also this shit only lasts a few hours, so you don't have to give up your wholllllle daaaaaaay.

If you still can't make it, and/or you're too much of a lazy fuck, just donate some cash money.

Register or donate here.

And hear more about it on Hey Brooklyn from activist Tami Johnnson, who started this whole shebang.


The Food Coop Makes More Money Than Whole Foods

Well, kinda.

Grub Street reported that the Coop made a whopping $39.4 million dollars in its last fiscal year, while Whole Foods has a $39.2 million average per store. I'll give it to you PSFC: that's pretty friggin impressive. However,  we'd be remiss if we didn't point out some additional differences between your ass and Whole Foods, aside from the whole money thing. Like for instance, Whole Foods stores are generally:

  • spacious
  • nice
  • way less crowded
  • better lit
  • quieter
  • open to the public
  • free from constant annoying announcements
  • workshift free...well except for people who get paid to work there

I mean, like for realz: where the eff does that 39.4 million go??? Cause your store is kind of a dump. You'd think you bitchez would allow yourself a few luxuries with all that cash valet bike/stroller parking or a complimentary food energist or something??


The First (and Hopefully Last) FIPS Tornado Design Awards 

And The Best in Architectural Design Award Goes To... 

This architectural gem by the Garfield entrance of Prospect Park built by an ingenious crew of former Waldwarfs. Good to know all that beeswax molding, bread baking and fairy loving has yielded such a sweet structure.

Sorry about the dogs. It's because they like it!

How about we set up little limb huts all around the hood?

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