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Monday
Oct112010

We Could All Learn A Lesson In Humanity From BMW Guy

Whether you love Park Slope or you hate Park Slope, I think the one thing we can all agree on is that this nabe NEVER fucking disappoints. Case in point: BMW dude.

Yes folks, unless this shit is a prank, there is in fact some asshole living in our fine nabe who, due to the overflowing an uncontrollable kindness of his own heart, would like to offer you the opportunity to showcase *his* shiny new BMW, FOR FREE, in your very own driveway. That's it! He has a hot car, and you have an empty parking spot, so why the hell shouldn't you join forces and let him park his car there!? Again, FOR FREE.

This is the ad from Craigslist:

"I am offering to park my Brand New shiny BMW in your drive way. Cost to you is $0. Not only will it increase your status in the neighborhood, but it will also make your house look GOOD! I'm a pretty generous person, so I want nothing in return for this privilege! Park Slope only!"

Honestly, why stop there!? I'm gonna take this shit one step further and say, if you have a car AND you live in Park Slope, I WILL DRIVE IT FOR YOU (WHENEVER I WANT)...for FREE. And, duh, obvs this will also make you look pretty fucking good, cause then everyone will think that we're friends. I'll even put Oliver's ass in the backseat and twit pic that shit! Then people will like you more in the nabe and when you pass by your neighbors sitting out on the stoop they'll be all "I didn't know you were buds with that FIPS chick!?" And you can be all "Um, hello!? We're like BFF's!"

Why would I do that? BECAUSE I CARE, PPL. I CARE A LOTTTTT.

(via Gothamist)

Monday
Oct112010

COME OUT FOR CUPACKES...OR BEING GAY. YOUR CHOICE!

We got word that the Brooklyn Community Pride Center is holding an event today in honor of National Coming Out Day. As the event involves Robicellis cupcakes AND gay ppl (two of our fave things on the planet), we couldn't resist passing along the scoop. But yo: you don't even have to be gay to participate!:

During “Coming Out for Cupcakes,” individuals pledge to “come out” about an element of their lives they had previously kept hidden-- big or small. Individuals who pledge $5 or more will receive a fabulous cupcake, in addition to 5 percent off any purchases at Re/Dress during the event hours. Participants will write their secrets on rainbow cards, and these cards will be used to create a visual reminder of everything that people must come out about in our society.

October 11 is celebrated internationally as “National Coming Out Day.” The date comes from the anniversary of a March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, and is celebrated in all 50 states and several additional countries.  The day is recognized to provide awareness of the number of LGBT individuals in the lives of everyone, and to remind LGBTQ individuals that they are not alone in their struggles
.

All this shit will be going down at Re/Dress Brooklyn (109 Boerum Place, in Cobble Hill) from 4pm to 7pm.

Monday
Oct112010

POOPED IN PARK SLOPE: The Tea Lounge

This just in from FIPS reader Anna (eh, actually it's a month or so old, so multiply all your poopy diaper fantasies by about 1000):

The Tea Lounge has a variety of things that have drawn me in as a writer time and time again: its large seating area, mostly decent coffee, distracting art on the walls, chocolate dipped oreos, etc (just to name a few).  However, The Tea Lounge *also* has many, uhm, "features" that have consistently made me leave before I could do anything close to being productive: deranged regulars-namely, i.e. that guy that refuses to wear shoes and tries to bum cigs from me every 20 minutes, spotty internet and rarely working AC.  I love to hate it; it hates to love me.  I go in; I come out, I come back the next day.

Then finally, I found a reason to dump it for good.

Several days in a row in smelled as though a newborn crawled into the AC vent and shat itself to death.  Day after day the smell built up like aged Camembert.  I let it slide for a while until I found out where the smell was coming from.


Apparently the Tea Lounge is totally fine with letting moms change their people puppies on their couches. Waiting for the bathroom the other day, a shit riddled pre-person was screaming its lungs out while his mom was fidgeting around his diaper bag with shit all over her hands.


Food is served here.  Also, there is a changing fucking table in the bathroom.  How many a couch has invisible baby shit smears on it?  I'm not coming back to find out.

Ok, so look: we haven't actually gone into the Tea Lounge to investigate this shit with a black light, so def consider it heresay. Also, even if this IS true, if you have any illusions that the Tea Lounge would be the only spot in town where this happens, you are probs high right now.

In conclusion: eww.

Friday
Oct082010

American Men Are Bad in Bed. Or, Not As Good As They Think. 

Hold the presses. Per serious research (via Gawker), you men aren't quite the studs you like to think.

According to the findings of a gynormous new national sex survey by Indiana University's oddly-named Center for Sexual Health Promotion, "eighty-five percent of American men say the last person they had sex with had an orgasm. And yet, only 64 percent of American women say they had an orgasm the last time they had sex." 

Per Gawker...

What are men doing wrong? Besides being really gullible? According to the survey, "women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts and when oral sex or vaginal intercourse is included," so maybe, you know, uh, switch it up a little more. You know, in bed. If you catch my drift. Sexually

As always, the comments make for titillating reading and BLAME the women. What would be the protocol here for keeping your partner informed?

Chestrockwell: If a guy can't seem to hit the spot, she needs to vocalize the problem. Not all men are mind readers. 

SuffersFoolsGladly: Yo, some of this is the fault of we women for all the polite faking some of us do in order to boost men's egos. In addition, many of us just don't come out and tell the poor guys what makes us feel good. 

lbwilliams: If they're not as good as you want them to be, then you're not telling them how you want it. If they're still not as good as you want them to be, it's time to find someone or someTHING else. 

Chazz: these comments have officially given me a boner.

So, we're awash in Europeans lately. Are American dudes any worse in bed than your menfolk?

Thursday
Oct072010

Bugged to Death in Park Slope

Do I really have to start sleeping in this?

I grew up in the city: a fact, yes, I like to lord over you Neauveau Yorkers whenever I get the chance. We all have our annoying qualities (perhaps me more than most).

Anyway, back in the day, I don't recall having to worry about being EATEN EFFING ALIVE night after infernal night by mosquitoes!

As if I don't have enough beasts invading my conjugal bed, seldom does a night pass that my husband or I are not lying in wait and slapping ineffectually at our heads, or worse, turning on the light to wait. 

Last night, my much needed beauty sleep was once again disturbed by the telltale horrible buzz in my ear. I managed to slide through the littered bodies to cover myself in the DEET-iest Cutter I could find and slept the rest of the night smothered under sheets.

What gives? 

And, leaving aside the whole West Nile issue, what's your strategy? Cause I KNOW I can't be the only one!

Ceiling fans? Lemongrass scented deodorant? Mosquito nets? Moving upstate (where I didn't get bitten more than a few times all summer!)?