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Friday
Oct222010

Gettin' Wild in Park Slope

Do you live in perpetual fear of bedbugs, Mama Rosa employees, and robber raccoons? Well, add this freak to your list cuz he is so NOT kidding around: Wildlife Control Guy!

How his neighbors on 15th Street have not thrown him a welcoming block party yet is beyond me. There is little we know about WiCon Guy except for the evidence presented by his car.
 
I'm guessing this is not the guy who answers your 311 call to Animal Control, but that's just a hunch. For his day job, he either:
 
a) Runs a hearse company catering to deceased Furries.
b) Professionally collects Ghostbusters paraphernalia.
 
A man's car says a lot about him, no? Particularly when he posts helpful notices like this:
 
"Park Close At Your Own Risk"
You know, in case the wildlife gets out. Effective means of preserving your back bumper.
 
In other words: don't try to fuck with WiCon Guy. One of you did though, and he has a message for you:
click to enlarge

It says: "To whoever put the dead rat on my bumper: Now, that was funny! But it was illegal too, so I took a picture in case we catch you." And yep, that's an "I Heart Hunting" sicker below.

Most interestingly, WiCon Guy has a phone number. There is no way in hell I'm calling him and risking my number showing up on his Caller ID. But someone should! 718-832-1111.

So in conclusion, if you see a weird dude, who probably wears full-on Hazmat gear, shouldering a rifle while strolling Prospect Park, never fear, WiCon Guy is here!

Note: Eesh..I just looked up this number, and it goes to Naruto Ramen...so that's what's in the dumplings?!?

Thursday
Oct212010

I GIVE a Shit! Adult Children Take Over Halloween

As people in the know know, Halloween may just be the best thing we have going in Park Slope. It is trick-or-treat mecca. Yeah, yeah, you have the occasional overdone threesome going as their favorite art museums but it's as close to the Happy Days set as we get in the city. And, I have never seen such hauls anywhere in my life. We have enough candy to last a fucking year (fine, two months; alright, one). In fact, I am pretty fucking sure that there is no better trick-or-treating ANYWHERE on the planet!

So, I take exception to you plotting against me and mine. MEREDITH! How can you even suggest hiding from my little devils? I thought you said you'd babysit anytime?

Here's what I've been wondering since going into the scary ass Ricky's on Atlantic last year. (I'm afraid to go buy the Slash top hat this year). Since when did Halloween become a grown-up holiday? Do I really have to protect my trick-or-treat candy bucket from you adult kids? 

Really, what's with all the skanky outfits for people WAY too old to be out collecting candy? This is a KID'S HOLIDAY! They don't get much, our little put-upon children: living in want, rents too damn high to afford a 3-bedroom. Can't you give them back Halloween? Is it really too much to ask that you don't HIDE from them on Halloween. That you might INTERACT!!!!????

Because this might be grounds for war. You cross a line when you started plotting to take over Halloween!

Thursday
Oct212010

WHASSUP: Saturday Night in the Slope

Since Game 7 probably won't happen (or, more precisely, most of you don't care), our fine readers suggest you should be doing the following on Saturday night. Choose judiciously.

*Saturday, 10/23: LOLz. Comedy folk Gentrify Brooklyn are doing their weekly thing at the Brooklyn Lyceum. This week's lineup happens to be killer. Check it out here.  The show's five bucks, but the dance party afterwards will cost you only your integrity.

*Saturday, 10/23: Dance party. Union Hall's starting a monthly Made in the Eighties dance night. If you're severely masochistic, the first one is this Saturday. It's free, and starts at midnight, which I suppose makes it Sunday. Yes, I have a college degree.

*Saturday, 10/23: Pumpkin art party. Party with free booze and pumpkin art by Brooklyn street artists.  It is in Sunset Park (no, not "SunSlope"), though, so you'll have to let your boundaries down for the evening. Info and an image of a drunk pumpkin here.

 And a friendly note from your editorial staff: The best way for us to make sure we don't post your event is to email us ten times asking us if we'll post your event.  We got your email.  We can read.

Keep the hits coming in the comments, gang.

Wednesday
Oct202010

When BREEDERS Get Divorced

Lest any of you non kid having BALLERS out there forget, BREEDERS are ppl too! And they have needs!

And in Park Sloper, Stephanie Thompson's case, those needs include (as outlined in Fearless Parenting: Will Mommy Divorce Daddy?):

  • outing public details of her own rocky marriage.
  • calling her own kids out (BY NAME) in said public outing.
  • making her husband look like an asshole (whilst accusations of her own cheating and constant flirtations are let loose on in the comments).

Who knows what's true and what's not true, but there is def some juicy shit in here...and as per u, the juiciest is, duhsies, in the comments:

pd from Park Slope:
I just feel sorry for your children as they have their family life played out for the world to see. If you thought for one second that you were doing the right thing for them, then the next call should be to the office of children and family services.

http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/

After that you could perhaps consider

http://www.nysdivorcelawyer.net/

But most importantly

http://www.nypsychiatrist.com/

Wowza! Links and everything!

Anyway, bravo Brooklyn Paper! If this is the new dawn of your post Smartmom era, I likey.

Wednesday
Oct202010

WHO GIVES A SHIT: Halloween 2K10--Stay or Split?

Ah, Halloween is in the air.  I'm sure you can tell; either your spawn are already wearing their costumes five days a week (remember: it's your hard earned cash paying the therapy bill when little Olivia won't drop the "Princess" prefix after November 1), or you're being assaulted by a pregnant-looking Mario in front of the pop-up Ricky's on Seventh to buy things (such is my case).

I know I'm about to shock the shit out of you all here: I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was probably 16. I am a killjoy, blah blah, save it, I've heard it.

But I'm curious, anyway: What's your Halloween in the Slope like? Are you one of those BREEDERS who only gives out Annie's Organic bunny gummies and Utz Halloween pretzels? Do you get a not-so-secret joy in stealing your child's chocolate haul from your horrible, unfeeling neighbors who dare to offer anything but organic goji berry dark chocolate? Do you BALLERS run the good hell away from the nabe to get drunk in childless peace and quiet?

Do tell. I'm sure I'm going to do something unfun this year again, like cook in my underwear, so tell me about all of the things you're planning so you can feel fabulous about your lives. That's what FIPS is here for, right?