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Pull Out The Pitchforks: Billyburg May Be Getting an Apple Store Before Park Slope

Now that I've figured out what AYFKMWTS means... AYFKMWTS? Wiliamsburg better not be getting an Apple Store before us.

Rumors do tend to run rampant about whether or not BK will ever, ever get an Apple Store of our very own. So I suppose I should take this latest with a grain of salt. But still. It hurts. Here's what Curbed NY had to say about the alleged future Apple space:

We've reached out to both the Salvation Army and Fradkin & McAlpin Architects, but haven't heard back. So we visited the store, and a clerk told us the store will be closing for a "remodeling." When asked if it is indeed just a remodeling, the store's manager clammed up and directed us to the same Salvation Army contact listed on the permit, which is now being examined by the DOB. An Apple conspiracy? Eh, probably not. The architects have worked on Salvation Army projects in Brooklyn in the past. But we're sure Marty Markowitz is holding out hope.

Anybody know anything?


Merry Christmas TO YOURSELF! Mending Hands Giveaway

Here are the facts:

  • It's fucking cold out.
  • Your family is annoying and you've had to spend to far too much time with them already this holiday season.
  • You're busy buying all sorts of shit for all sorts of stupid people that are not you.

But you know what? YOU DESERVE BETTER.

So just for funzies, we're giving one lucky SOB a free, kickass 60 min massage from Mending Hands! Merry Christmas to YOUUUUUU!

Here's how it's gonna work: leave a comment below using both the words "massage" and "Park Slope" in a sentence. Best one wins! (and I'll update your asses manyana!).

UPDATE: Yay for Susan! Her ass won with this comment: I was in Tea Lounge watching the nasty hippie barefoot guy massage his hoof-like feet, when a brigade of breast feeding Park Slope uber moms descended upon the bed bug infested couch and began comparing brands of organic nipple balm.

Mending Hands will reach out to you toute de suite to arrange for your free massage-a-licious!


Curbed Best Hood: Let The Voting Begin

We say we're the best. Nate Silver says we're the best. Now it's time to confirm this shit on Curbed NY too.

Vote for Park Slope! (if only b/c loosing to Roosevelt Island would be P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C).

Round One: Park Slope vs. Roosevelt Island. Just so you know, we are not the underdogs. In fact, we're the top seed, which will undoubtedly come back to bite us because even I like a scrappy underdog...

Not only does Brooklyn's Park Slope head in as the people's choice (it received double the reader nods of the next most popular Curbed Cup nominee), but this year it was scientifically proven to be NYC's most "livable" neighborhoodand got the city's most controversial new bike lane. Quite the achievements, and so the Slope is our top seed. Did the economic downturn ever make it down here? The retail and restaurant scenes continue to expand, starchitects are showing up, wealthy Googlers are renovating $8.5 mansions and $18,000/month rentals are on the market. But every giant has weaknesses. The neighborhood's outskirts still leave something to be desired, and even some Slopers loathe the place. But as one reader put it, "If it's good enough for New York magazine and the American Planning Association, it should be good enough for Curbed."

And in the other corner, the Curbed Cup's scrappy underdog, Roosevelt Island. It's been a banner year for the forgotten isle, headlined by the stunning/font-plagued newRoosevelt Island tram. A makeover of the depressing retail drag looks imminent, and the under-the-radar Four Freedoms Park shook off decades of controversy and funding troubles to finally break ground. Roosevelt Island, everyone: A place that actually exists!

I just voted ten times. Not sure it counted. Very scientific, though.


Top 10 Brooklyn News Stories Of The Year?

image: The L MagazineSo the L mag published their list of the Top 10 BK stories of the year and Park Slope had a pretty decent showing: our asses sorta kinda showed up in 50% of the stories:

#1 - Atlantic yards. The bad, rich ppl finally won and we all lost. [not Park Slope, but up the friggin street, ppl].

#6 - BIKE WARS! Fighting over the PPW bike lane is almost as common as Food Coop jokes around here now [partly in Park Slope and partly in other parts of BK, but most of the loudest btchz with things to say about the bike lane all live here].

#7 - The Tornado! Never forget! [All Park Slope, all the time].

#8 - The Goose Gas Chamber at Prospect Park [Those geese might have been Canadian, but they were living here in Park Slope].

#10 - Gorilla Coffee shenanigans [All Park Slope, all the time].

Nice work, guys! Let's shoot for a list SWEEP next year....10 outta 10. YES WE CAN!

(via The L Mag)


Where To Get Your Christmas Trees In Park Slope: A Roundup

It's coming on Christmas... 

We went shopping for the tree yesterday morning. Having grown up with the bizarre tradition of not getting the GD tree until the day before Christmas, I'm rebelling and getting ours early.

This year, we turned up our collective noses at the Food Coop and Farmer's Market in favor of the charitable Ye Olde First folks. I couldn't believe the size of some of those trees! They looked like they were destined for the White House or Rockefeller Center. They were HUGE. Like twenty feet tall huge, although I *am* prone to exaggeration. Anyway, the guy told us he'd just sold two of the huge ones to a woman a half hour before. TWO? Hmmmm.

It turns out there are a crapload of Christmas tree purveyors all over Park Slope, and obviously (cause we're all lazy around here), I'm not going to go investigate them all for you people. BUT, what I have done is to pick through the pine needles and come up with a few choice options, as well as some quick hit customer reviews:

Click to read more ...