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Thursday
Oct142010

This Is So Not Cute...

You know how sometimes you look at something or see something...and its just so deeply fucking confusing, your brain is not able to process the information in a way that even remotely makes any sense?

Like right now for example:

Still confused? Well let me enlighten you ppl: according to the Park Slope Parents blog, this is a Bed Bug-a-Boo! You know, like a cross between a Bugaboo and a bedbug! Your worst nightmare crossed with your worst nightmare! And apparently we're going to meet some at this year's Halloweeen Parade!

BWAHHHAHHHHAHHHHHHAAA! ISN'T THAT FUNNY!??

Anyone?

Hello?

Ok, fine. If you don't think *THAT'S* funny, how bout their zingy description??:

–The hedge fund mommies have them, though, like a little botox and a tuck, they keep it to themselves.

–The fashion set surely has them; they need them…the pricier, the better!

–The alterna-daddies have them (they go great with a Diaper Dude, Chuck Taylors, and wicked tats).

–The best nannies have them, though they’d never brag about it to mommies.

The Bedbug-a-boos! They’re all the rage in Brooklyn. Watch out, or you’ll be getting them, too!

TEE HEEE HEEE HEE [BARF].

HA HA HA [PUNCHES SELF IN FACE]

LOL [STOMPS ON KITTEN'S HEAD].

(via PSP Blog)

Thursday
Oct142010

PROTEST SHIT: Park Slope Versus the PPW Bike Lane

OMGZ DO THE NEW PPW BIKE LANES MAKE YOU SO ANGRY YOU WANT TO SCREAM? DO YOU THINK BIKE LANES ARE SOCIALISM IN ACTION? RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH BOOOOO BIKE LANES? Then you're in luck.

FIPS reader Anne wrote in about a protest against those new PPW bike lanes that're making everyone extra cranky.  It's happening next Thursday. (Anne astutely notes that we even have the best protests. We are #1, duh.)  The scoop:

Thursday on PPW and Carroll Street, there’s going to be a protest against those fucking bike lanes.  You know the ones that reduced the number of parking spaces, created a three lane road into two lanes causing more idling cars, fender benders, honking and traffic congestion, not to mention that the bicyclists don’t heed any traffic laws and zoom through lights then when you yell at them they tell you to fuck off.

This shit's happening Thursday, October 21st at 8:30 (call in dead to work and blame it on the bike lane) if you wanna go.  Bring a sign and your favorite Abbie Hoffman quote.  And don't shoot the fucking messenger, K?  I am just your humble disciple of all things Park Slope, as well as Anne's candid admission: "I must confess, my dogs McLovin and Blue like the bike lanes.  They present a nice smooth surface to poop on."

R U pencilin' it in?

Photo: votingfemale.wordpress.com

Wednesday
Oct132010

On Leaving Park Slope

No, not me you morons, this dude:

"I am leaving Park Slope because I am increasingly impatient with people too socially deficient to act like good neighbors. People who won’t spare five seconds to help an old lady. People who can’t figure out their way around without checking their iPhones. People who don’t say hi to the neighbors with whom they share a stoop. These things are getting noticeably worse. Rather than stew here and become the local grouch, I’m recognizing that I have passed my expiration date in this neighborhood. Time to exit gracefully."

The post actually goes into quite a bit more detail if you'd care to live vicariously and fantasize about your own exit.

For the record, this dude is moving back to Manhattan to live in the Financial district. And while I hate to burst his bubble, that shit sucks way the fuck more than Park Slope (and yes, I speak from experience as a two year former resident there).

Luckily for us, he also tries to pinpoint the Park Slope suck-i-tude before his departure and he comes up with this gem: "My diagnosis: Park Slope’s reputation as a welcoming place went viral, and brought in new residents who made it a warped exaggeration of itself."

Hunh? Really? I don't think Park Slope is actually known as a welcoming place...unless you're a zygote.

Anyway.

Speaking of warped exxaggerations of one's self, is this guy gunning for the most pretentious writer of the year award with this explanaion about why he's done away with comments on his blog?: "...I feel writers ought to seize a maximum amount of control over the reader experience. Why should a writer let anonymous strangers add unedited footnotes to his or her work?...I will control which words appear on the site, because that’s my job" (oh and bold and italics are HIS).

Whoa dude, for realz?

a. YOU MUST CHILL.

b. Those unedited footnotes always rule the hardest.

Have fun in the FiDi, sucka!

(via Brownstoner)

Wednesday
Oct132010

Hammers-n-Hancos

Uh oh. Looks like someone's tried to break into Park Slope's smelliest Vietnamese sandwich shop over the weekend. 

Maybe the Hancos vs. Henrys war stopped being polite and started getting real?

We commend their crowdsourced approach to justice...anyone have scoop?

Tuesday
Oct122010

WHASSUP: Things Are Happening; Go to Them

There's some shit going down in the Slope on a reoccurring basis to which we think you should go.  Since you're all fully aware that taking advice from us is a good idea.  Right.  Moving on.

 

*Every Tuesday, 8pm: Comedy.  BK comedienne Sara Schaefer's comedy goldmine Get Off Your Knees has a new home in the Slope at Southpaw's downstairs venue, DownSouth. It is full of awesome and funny, which are good enough reasons for us to go.  (Plus, FREE.)  Get info on lineups via Twitter.  Today is Tuesday, by the way.

*Every second Thursday: Speed dating.  The Internet Killed Your Dating Skills (it's true) hosts speed dating the second Thursday of every month at The Fifth Estate on 5th Ave.  (They also do it in Williamsburg on the first Thursday, but I'm ignoring that.)  Anyway, get shacked up like a good Park Sloper this Thursday, and subsequently.  Details on events here.

That's that.  You get no WHASSUPs unless you send us shit happening in Slope and the surrounding areas (Greenpoint and the East Village are not Park Slope, for those of you who need a reminder), so please, knock yourselves out.