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BREAKING: BREEDERS Are Moving To Williamsburg En Masse

Robert Caplin for the NYTOh gawd, pls let this news be true: The NYT is reporting that all of the newest/coolest/hippest parents are packing up their shit and just moving straight the hell over to Billyburg: Williamsburg, Toddlertown.

“You can go out in the neighborhood on a Friday night and feel sexy and single-ish,” Ms. Liebman says with a laugh. “And then wake up next morning with the kid and take him to the farmers’ market and the play center.”

O, Rly!?

"Mr. Signer says that he is glad not every restaurant is child-oriented. He goes out to eat for the quality of the food, he said, not to take a census of how many highchairs a restaurant owns."

You don't say?? Take that, Fornino!

I gotta say, BREEDERS, sounds like this Williamsburg shit is worth checking out! That is, if you don't wanna be L-A-M-E.


FIPS CARES: La Bagel Delight, A Final Plea

OK, so as much as you btchz know that I love La Bagel Delight like a fat kid loves cake, my loyalty has been tested recently. Bagel Market has recently joined the Park Slope bagelsphere, and based on the fact that it's pretty much standing room only in that joint 24/7, that's gotta be hurtin LBD's bottom line. And as much as I tried to resist Bagel Market's siren call, I couldn't help myself: THEY HAVE MINI-BAGELS!

Also, they offer that delivery to the door service for ppl with hot dogs like me, even though I still don't know their fucking phone number.


The other issue I have with LBD is that the layout makes me positively murder-y. I do confess that I enjoy watching the green out-of-towners try to figure out the procedure in there, but also that reminds how fucking stupid the procedure is:

  • Get in one of the two lines, though you'll probs just stand in the line to the right cause it's totally confusing and you can't really tell it's two.
  • Stand there for awhile.
  • As you get somewhat close-ish to the front, just start screaming out your order at the top of your lungs as soon as one of the guys says "NEXT." Yep, even though he seems like he's not talking to you he is.
  • Awkwardly step to the side, even though there's no room for you to stand there and you're not sure where you'll need to go to pick up your order.
  • Try to make more room for the 2 ppl behind you who now need to stand off to the side, along with the 3 people in front of you who are also now waiting. If this shit were a drain, it would be way the hell clogged up.
  • Try to push your way through all these ppl to get close enough to the register to actually pay when the guy who was helping you says "ALL SET."
  • Now try to push your way through: the 2 haphazard lines, the sea of ppl waiting for their food, and that chick with the double stroller in order to get back outside.
  • Yell expletive under your breath after you make it out to the street and think to yourself yet again: HOLY SHIT, THAT PLACE IS SET UP SOOOOO STOOOPIDLY.

Click to read more ...


Who Gives A Shit: Aunt Suzie's Is A Mafia Hangout?

image via Grub Street

I missed the news segment last week that attempted to connect Park Slope eatery Aunt Suzie's with the mafia, so I don't have the details. However, I do know this: Aunt Suzie's is gross. I've been there twice, and twice the food has been screamingly mediocre.

So without any details or proof, I gotta say: it's not hard for me to believe that there is *some* sort of mafia connection with this joint, otherwise how the hell are they still in business?

Though, in truth: if I were asked to guess which spot in town is likeliest to be hooked in with the mafia, my answer would be Tonios times a million billion. I happen to love that place, however:

  • I never hear/see anyone discussiing Tonio's either online or off.
  • Anytime we go there, it's pretty much totally empty.
  • All the waiters are always wearing dress shirts/bowties. Again, for a restaurant that is usually empty, it's pretty damn formal.
  • The owner always comes around to each table to say hello and shmooze a bit...JUST LIKE ARTIE BUCCO ON THE SOPRANOS.

Anyway, did anyone see the Aunt Suzie's story? What's the dealio?


Found Roll of Film in Prospect Park

This dude Todd Bieber found a roll of film in Prospect Park after the blizzard, got the photos developed, and then made a short video of the images in the hopes of finding the film's owner.

a. Who the fuck still uses film!? I didn't even know that they still make that shit. 
b. Really? There are ppl who still use film?
c. FILM????? 
d. This is some fake art project, right? 

(via Gawker)


Solar Garbage Cans Coming to Park Slope; Hippies Rejoice

Holy shit, the Food Coop's "Bring Solar Garbage Cans to Park Slope Immediately" committee is gonna be SO happy about this development: SOLAR GARBAGE CANS ARE COMING TO PARK SLOPE!

According to All About Fifth's recent newsletter, a bunch of "big belly" solar powered garbage cans are going to be installed in various spots along Fifth Avenue.

What makes these btchz solar, you might be wondering? They are apparently each outfitted with a solar powered trash compactor, which reduces the need to empty them as much. And as no one seems to have much of a need to empty those mofos to begin with, I'd say that this is welcome news.

If you are beyond fucking  bored, you can watch this vid about how these things work (they're already operational in many parts of the country).