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WHASSUP: A Coupla Things Worth Mentioning

*Thursday, January 13: LOLz IRL. Tix still available for #ReTweet This: Rob Delaney & Friends doing standup at Union Hall. Yes, this thing is IRL. 8 p.m. tonight. The UCB show last night sold out, so get on it.

*Saturday, January 15: Snow jams. For an appropriately-named an event in light of recent vents, come dance to hip-hop, indie and more at Union Hall from 11p.m. on. Snow-themed specials, no cover, and all things warm and fuzzy. Details.

ALSO. Buy things along Fifth Ave in the Slope at these merchants from now until Valentine's Day, and every $14 you spend will get you a raffle ticket for BID's Spending Spree Raffle. Prizes are $1,000, $800 and $500 cash, so get your debt on.

Fire away in the comments with your other shit.


Coming Soon To Prospect Park: A KOREAN FRIED CHICKEN CART!

Ok, mebbe not, but a girl can dream can't she?

Prospect Park is looking for new food vendors, and they ain't talkin about pretzels and hot dogs. So if you wanna start selling your organic, cruelty free breakfast tacos, or your vegan, locavore corn dogs with smiley faces made of fair trade mustard, get your proposal into the Parks Department pronto!

“Parks will view favorably menus that are inventive and interesting, serve a variety of options beyond hot dogs and pretzels, and that incorporate ethnically diverse and/or healthy food choices.”

(via Park Slope Patch)


BREAKING: Fabulous Breeder Sighting at PS 321?

Fabulous In Park Slope (aka faux FIPS) may have moved upstate for a simpler life, but her message to the BREEDERS of Park Slope (BE FURRY AND FABULOUSSSS!) lives on, as evidenced by this mamala at school pick-up last week.

I don't want to hear you dirtbags call us Park Slobs again, you hear me?


OPEN THREAD: Snowpocalypse 2.0 Report Card?

image via @karlnorling

Ok, ppl: by my count we have approximately 8 bazillion snow plows rolling through the nabe and I can barely even see that we had a storm at all.

Schools are open. I haven't heard a ton of subway bitching-n-moaning.

I don't know...this shit was kinda boring. You?


ATTN BALLERS: Just Say No To The Park Slope Armory

After reading this submission from an anon FIPS reader, I think we can all agree that the Park Slope Armory needs to jump ahead of Two Boots on the official list of places in the nabe that I would rather die than step foot in. Apparently that place is all bebes, all the time:

"I've been a member at the Park Slope Armory for awhile, but I work 2 jobs and have crazy hours, so I usually only work out before 8:00am or after 8:30pm. However, I took a "mental health" day off from work to catch up on some errands and appointments, and decided to sleep in a bit and hit the gym at at a more leisurely hour--around 11:00am. Uhm, let's just say that what I encountered there has scarred me for life.

I am a Baller, but generally don't take issue with other people's kids. I work with children, in fact and really love my job. But we all know that Park Slope Breeders and their spawn are *a little different.*

The Armory today was like happy hour for bratty offspring and their entitled parents. The picture I attached was my attempt to snap a cell phone pic of the bazillion strollers parked right inside the entrance. The photo doesn't do it justice, because there were probably a hundred more that didn't fit in the shot (I wish I was joking). As I proceeded inside, I was greeted by a flashmob of yelling, screaming running children under 4, and NO ONE was making ANY attempt at controlling these kids. Within a few seconds, 2 pip-squeaks crashed right into me as they ran by.

I attempted to make my way through the throngs of brats, nannies, SAHMs and SAHDs to the membership desk in order to get myself on the list for a class. Upon arriving, what I experienced can was H-O-R-R-I-F-Y-I-N-G. Apparently there were 2 kiddo classes happening, both of which had long waiting lists. Unsurprisingly, all the entitled Park Slope parents wanted their kids IN, so they were basically just verbally assaulting the poor girls working the desk, trying to argue and bully their spawn's way into these two overbooked classes by "jumping" the waitlist.

I mean OBVIOUSLY it is their God-given right to have their offspring attend every available class everywhere at all times and the 600 bratty offspring of all the other entitled Breeders on the list ahead of them did not deserve to be there.


Say no more anon tipster FIPSter: the Park Slope Armory is officially on my "DONOTGOTHEREEVERUNDERANYFUCKINGCIRCUMSTANCES" list. Thanks for letting us know.